My boyfriend and mom dont see eye 2eye HELP!

Question

okay the people i care about the most dont get along. now when the holidays come around i wanna spend it with both of them but that wont happen cause like i said they cant get along what should i do?????

Answer 1

Whatever the reason for the hostility between your boyfriend and your mom there are 4 things that I would do if I were you:

Sit down and have a heart to heart  daughter to mom talk.  What does she disapprove of and dislike about your boyfriend?  What can he do to earn her respect?  

Then sit down and have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend.  Is he knowingly pushing your mom's buttons?  If so, why?  Has he made enough of an effort to win her over?  Does he have an attitude.

Then you need to look at yourself.  Are there things that you are doing that your mother doesn't approve of but knows you are going to do regardless of what she feels or says?   Are you doing everything that you can to honor both of your parents or are you taking the attitude that it is your life and you can do what you want with it?  

The final thing that I would do is try getting your bf and your mom together with you over lunch and act as mediator.  See where they are coming from.  

These are simply questions and I'm not trying to make any judgments.   But when it comes to boyfriends and girlfriends, approval from both parents makes life much easier.  After all this guy could eventually become your mother's son in law and a member of the family.

Answer 2

Defintely put your family before your boyfriend.  Boys come and boys go but your family is should always be there for you.  Split up your time between them.

Answer 3

First off, it's OK if your boyfriend and your mom don't see eye to eye.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinions about life and issues.  But then you go on to say they don't get along, and that's a problem if they're unable to be in the same room without arguing or creating tension.

Have you explained to them the predicament you're in?  Have you asked them to put their differences aside so that everyone can be together during the holidays?  

If they're mature, reasonable people, they should be willing to agree to calling a truce during the holidays for your sake.  If one or both is not willing to do that then you need to make a decision.  

In most cases, your allegiance to your family should always come first and foremost.  Any boyfriend or husband should respect your parent(s), even if he doesn't particularly like them.  Bottom line is there is no excuse for anything other than his displaying the utmost respect to their faces.  If he's disrespectful, or refuses to compromise or associate with your parent(s) I'd be very leary since this sends up a huge red flag about the value he places on family and sooner or later, that animosity will be directed at you if the relationship continues.  

If it's your mother who is being unreasonable then I would say it's time to assess the relationship with your boyfriend and make your decision based on the outcome of that.  If you see this as a short term relationship or have doubts that it will become long term, I would lean towards your spending the holidays with your family alone.  If you are engaged, or feel there is a very good chance you will marry him someday, then my suggestion would have to be to spend part of the time with your family alone and then spend the rest of the time with him and his family.  

I know that family traditions are hard to break but oftentimes for no other reason than logistics, this is the way holidays are handled after you marry or have a family of your own.

Good luck to you !!