My boyfriend asked me to marry him and then took it back after a year.?

Question

My boyfriend proposed last year after we had been together for three years. I was surprised as we had discussed getting married in the future but I had never put any pressure on him. we agreed to set a date after a year and now he says he doesn't want to anymore. That I am pressurising him into this.I am so confused he asked me out of his own. Its been a year already and he hates discussing the wedding or engagement or anything to do with the future. He constantly tells me how much he loves and wants to be with me and how lucky he is to have me, I have decided not to wear his ring anymore. Its not like we kids I am 26 and he is 33. should I just end this?

Answer 1

Yes, and marry Kimbo Slice

Answer 2

The engagement went on too long, without setting a date or finalizing any plans. This gave him too much time to think, and he's realized that he doesn't have to marry you to get what he wants from you. Besides, frankly, no man wants to discuss wedding details, it gives them hives! They just want to be told what day to show up with a suit on and do the d**n thing.

If he's told you that he doesn't want to get married anymore that means that HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED ANYMORE. Men are pretty straightforward about these sorts of things. There aren't any hidden meanings. If he still feels that you are The One, he'll still want to marry you.

You need to decide if you're willing to be with this man without marriage. Is this a deal-breaker for you? How long are you willing to wait for this man to change his mind? He's headed toward middle age, you're in your dating prime. It's a lot easier for you to get out there and find someone else who'll value you and treat you the way that you deserve than it will be for him. Do you want to waste any more time on him, or get on with your life?

Keep the ring, though. If no date was set for that long, and he's the one who called it off, I believe that the ring is yours by right. You can always wear it as a right-hand ring!

Answer 3

I will not tell you to end it or keep it because it is your decision. If he originally asked you to marry him, he took it back and is giving you excuses like "it's your fault" perhaps he just cannot commit to it or there is something he isn't telling you. I have seen that kind of behavior in men before and it's not a pretty sight. You can only love someone, not change them.

Answer 4

You should have one last serious talk with him and if he doesnt have any interest in marrying you then maybe its not worth it, it has been three year, as you are younger than him, he must be very lucky but you can still find another relationship. sorry if its not much help. X

Answer 5

What else has changed in the last year?  Has one of his parents died?  Have his parents divorced in the last year, or has one of them remarried?  Has something happened among his siblings or among his best friends that would cause him to rethink the idea of marriage?  Is there any possibility that he's cheating on you?  Or is it just that once he proposed and you had a ring, you started having s*x with him?

Easy answer first:  If the thing that changed is that you agreed to have s*x with him after he proposed, then guess what?  He doesn't need to marry you now that he's getting s*x!  (If you were sleeping with him all along, of course, this isn't the answer you're looking for.)

Harder answer:  His parents, siblings, and friends.  If he has watched any of them go through a divorce in the last year - particularly if it was a couple who marriage he really believed was stable - then maybe he's just scared.  He may be thinking that if this couple can divorce, no marriage can be secure.  

Hardest answer:  Whether or not there's a girlfriend on the side.  He may be one of those men who thinks that as long as you aren't married, he isn't cheating.  And he doesn't want to get married yet because he isn't ready to drop the other honey.

The only thing you can do is ask him why he's changed his mind.  If he keeps insisting that it's your fault, that you're pressuring him, then ask him if he's willing to go through couples counseling.  Let a neutral third party (the therapist) be the one to ferret out his real reason for changing his mind, and let this person be the one who helps the two of you determine your real priorities.

If he refuses the counseling, then it's time to hand him the ring and cut your losses.  The longer you spend hanging around, hoping he'll change his mind, the more he will be able to manipulate you.  Be strong, and move forward with your life.

Answer 6

Sounds like things have changed. A year ago he wanted to marry you and now somehow his view has changed. To be honest I've been engaged twice but never married. I found both times that after a sense of commitment was there the relationship lost it's spark. Both times my fiances became complacent about the relationship and didn't care about actually talking or doing things so much. We became distant and eventually I called the engagements off due to lack of conversation. If you are engaged often the view is that things don't matter so much as you have the rest of your lives to go on holiday or eat at the fancy restaurant. The truth is far different and for some it is hard to live with the change in attitude. If he has only called off the engagement then he wants to see if things change back to the way they were. He still loves you but probably feels that the spark has gone and is worried that it will be the same forever.

Answer 7

I think you two should sit down have an adult chat find his reason that he feels pressured try and get an honest answer to what both you two feel before you do drastic.

You sound frustrated but be calm and rational and expect him to be the same.

I hope it ends well.

Answer 8

he needs a kick in the butt.. if you are wanting to get married, and he isnt, then you need to tell him you're going to move on... and then do it

if you dont have the same ideas and goals about where you want your relationship to go, then its just not going to work out well...

Answer 9

if you need to get married and he won't then you need to decide if you want to be with him or not

Answer 10

You two are just not on the same page, you want something he doesn't. Usually when someone proposes, you set a date fairly shortly after - not wait a year to set a date!

Sounds like he's pretty comfy with things as they are - are you two shacking up?

You two can love each other but just not be a match for marriage. If marriage is what you want, you move on...