My boyfriend didn't tell me he was married!!!?

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for going on eight months and I just found out yesterday that he has been married since july of last year. I thought this before when I found a recepit with her name on it but he said that the chick was his sister (fishy).I confronted him about what I found out and asked him why did he lie to me. He said he already knew that I have a clue when I asked him about the name on the receipt, but he said he felt that this information was to personal for me to know and he felt that him being married and trying to get a divorce shouldn't have to publicized to everyone that should be between him and her. He said that he felt that he could tell me things when we have been together for a year (he said not literally, but hey) I told him I felt betrayed and that this is something that effects me. He said he never wanted me to find out because he was trying to get a divorce. I don't know why he can't just tell me about his life the things of his child hood. I know he has been through a lot in his life with no family and no trust for people (feeling that somethings people should not know) but he tells me that he wants to be with me forever he loves me wants to marry me. He also tells these things to all his friends, close friends, and I hear it all the time from him. His friends don't know about the marriage either b/c I tried getting some info out of them about the woman and they didn't know who the h**l I was talking about. Should I feel betrayed or is it a certain time in a relationship to release this sort of information.

I love him and I am just so confused right now. He said he is not hiding anything else and I asked in responmse did that mean that he was goign to do a better job at covering things up and he said...no of course that doesn't mean that. I also think that I am pregnant...he wants the baby but sometimes he feels that he is a big flaw in my life and doesnt want to mess it up or for me to feel like in the future that I made a mistake. Is he depressed or has low self esteem? COuld this have been a bad marrital decision on their part? I know I'm asking a lot of questions but right now I need a lot of answers!

Answer 1

He's "trying" to get a divorce? He's been dating you 8 months and hasn't filed yet? Why "try" to divorce...why not just do it?

Your boyfriend is a cheater my dear. He's lied to you, no doubt lied to his wife, betrayed his marriage, lied to his friends, and pretty much seems a totally and completely untrustworthy person...and you've chosen to procreate with him.

Be ready to raise your child alone, and fight for child support. Who is the next woman he'll get involved with and not tell he's married, and got a pregnant mistress? The guy is nothing but trouble in my opinion. There is no excuse for his behavior or his deceit.

If he'd cheat on her, you'd have to have an incredibly huge ego or be super naive to think he wouldn't do it to you also. Why would anyone voluntarily get involved with someone they know will cheat?

Bad karma for everyone...

Answer 2

Hes married... Hes been married for the whole time you were dating, and didn't tell you. He may have feelings for you, but its just morally wrong to be with someone married. I hope you aren't pregnant cause it will jsut complicate things more for you right now. I know it will be hard, but you need to let him go.. Maybe if he gets a divorce you and him could start back, but i would jsut leave the married man alone and if you are preganant deal with that when time comes.

Answer 3

i think u should leave him. he lied about being married. that's a very big issue. he shouldve told that hwen he first talking to u so that u werent lead on. instead it sounds like to me he has no intentions of breaking up w/ his wife and wants to use u as a mistress. it doesnt matter if he had a terrible childhood he shouldve been honest w/ u from the beginning. thing is u maybe pregnant. i would go get the pregnancy test first. if u arent pregnant u need to cut off further communication. if u are pregnant u need to work out financial considerations for the child. he needs to help support the child he created. ur in a very difficult situation and he essentially played u like a worn out drum.

Answer 4

You have been terribly betrayed. Marriage is never something to be taken lightly. He could have told you up front that he was getting a divorce, and left it up to you to decide if this was the type of relationship you wanted to be in. If he hides something as huge as a marriage, what else is he hiding that you should know about?? I would leave him be and tell him, when he is a legally free man, then you can talk about having a relationship, and must promise that he never hides things from you again. He sounds like a very insecure childish person, living 2 lives.  

Answer 5

He's married. He didn't tell you. He's a cheater. If he wanted to marry you, he wouldn't be married to someone else.

The bad decision is if you stay with him. Break up with the guy. He has no respect for his wife and no respect for you.

I bet he can come up with an excuse for anything. He's not depressed, he's a cheater. He doesn't have low self-esteem. He's a cheater. If he was married to you, he'd be cheating with another woman who "loved" him.

Answer 6

Dump him asap.

Move on

more single men out there.

He is a loser.

You dont need a cheater in your life

Answer 7

I know you really dont want to hear this, but you need to let him go :(  I'm sorry, I know you feel confused because you wanted it to work out w/ him, and your heart is tied to him, but he really betrayed you badly.

Even if they are "separated and waiting on divorce" as you added in the end (to justify it more for your own benefit), he should have been truthful about that.

*comforts you* I know you're hurting, but you'll continue to hurt if you let yourself trust him after all this...

Answer 8

All this doesn't need to be read to say LEAVE HIM.

Answer 9

dump this jerk. if he is lying to you now, he always will. he had no right cheating with you til after he was free and clear of his wife. and telling you he loves you is just talk. it got u into  his bed and it got him everything he wanted. you sound very young, tell your parents so u can do something about the pregnancy - get help now...  

Answer 10

This man is a liar. You have been with him 8 months and pregnant and he didn't feel close enough to you to tell you this come on. What proof did he give you that he is getting a divorce probably none because that is lie number 2 also you said you ask his friends and this is your words his close friends are you this thick what mans close friends are going to tell you about this mans wife they lie for each other wake up they know he is married if they tell you they would lose their friend. This man is full of it and I am so tired of women playing the f****ing fool. He is a cheater nothing more nothing less.

Answer 11

First of all, I don't know how you can date someone for 8 months and not know or be suspicious they are leading some kind of double life.  Second, I am sure his friends know he is married, but are HIS friends therefore no luck getting information there.  I don't think this was a bad marital decision on their part, but rather an insufferable situation for all parties involved.  My advice would be to not allow a person who is so full of mystery and half truths run your life.  Stop making excuses for this guy and "his childhood" since he is now an adult and can responsibility the same as the next person.  After all if you are possibly pregnant with his child then you are on a time limit needing some straightforward answers from him not him and his friends.  The three of you will likely have some talking to do.....hopefully with some type of outside professional mediation.

I would also really think about his responses.  For example,  "he was trying to get a divorce" because you and I both know they are easily acquired even if both parties are not in agreement.

Answer 12

Take time to think things and do the thing that you feel good with for to feel good.

Answer 13

The answer is to end it.

He is a married man and your nothing but a piece of a*s on the side for him nothing more.

Answer 14

well there is a reason why he hid this from you but the problem is now how do you know that is he not hiding anything else if you can forgive him and move on which means never bringing it up again then stay with him if its going to bother you to the point of driving you crazy you should leave  

Answer 15

He's married and he didn't think it was any of your business after dating your for 8 months?  You think this is normal?  Find your self-respect, pick your backbone up off the floor and go find a normal guy to date.

Answer 16

Baby let him go, he is a liar and a no good cheat.  You might love him, but he DOES not love you...please leave him.

Answer 17

I think you should leave him, he is married.  He's all about stories, he might say that he's going to get a divorce and may never end up doing it.  If you stay with him and end up with him, he will s***w you over like he's doing to this poor women.  Now that you know the truth, do you really want to be considered a "home wrecker"  Best of luck!!

Answer 18

I am very sorry this has happen to you. I have done the same thing to a wonderful woman that I meet at a bar. We have been dating six months before she found out I was married. That was so wrong of me to do and I never would have guessed in a million years that we would fall in love so deeply. The passion, love and s*x has been like no other. It has now been a 1 1/2 years and we are breaking up now. It has been 3 days since we see each other. I feel so bad that I have done this to such a sweet woman that is now a really crazy b*tch because of me. I have been seeing a therapist and he tells me the relationship was doomed from day one because I was married. He said 85% chance we would never marry and 98% chance we will divorce in 5 years if we do. The odds are stacked against an affair relationship especially when you are lied to. I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe RUN as fast as you can and put it behind you, but only you know how you feel. I can say this much I really do lover her with all of my heat. Gosh this is so hard and hurtful. Good luck.

Answer 19

You say you need a lot of answers...and it really seems you do need them , but do you only want to hear the answers that make you feel better ? you need to be honest with yourself about this. I would say this guy has been totally dishonest with you.. you are with him 8 months and he never felt you had a right to know he is married!! You know deep inside you that this can't be right.. I would not believe a word that came out of his mouth.. be very very careful and do not allow your heart  to rule your head in this matter.

Answer 20

Sounds to me like he is a  B I G question mark in your life and you

need to think this one out before you get into B I G trouble.

Answer 21

Didn't you say a while back this man wanted you to have an abortion doesn't that tell you something he is a cheater he didn't tell you he was married because he didn't think he would get any @** and by the way do you really think his friends didn't know he was married they are going along with his lie they are his friends not yours hunny wake up and smell the coffee they will tell you anything to help there buddy h**l he probably told them what to tell you. Oh and the divorce I bet the wife knows nothing about that because their is no divorce in progress. He is walking around with recites in her name that doesn't smell like they are getting a divorce that smells like they are shopping together like married couples do.

Answer 22

well eight months and he has not gotten a divorce and i bet you money he isn't even planning to. he likes living a double life... if  your pregnant abort it or plan on raising it alone or put it up for adoption.. this guy is bad news but if you want to feel sorry for him and believe his lies don't keep complaining about it cuz  you chose to stay and deal with it

Answer 23

It does NOT take 8 months to get a divorce!! He doesn't want you to know about his relationship?! You are intimate with him you should know everything about him. This is not a good way to start a relationship. RUN, RUN, RUN!!!! He sounds like a player. He is obviously a liar. You are setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Answer 24

Get out of there fast ...

8 months?

He was married in July?

Come on....

Run like the wind

Answer 25

The ONLY answer you really need...Is to dump this man FOREVER!...You most likely will never know the reason he failed to tell you he was married....most likely he was wanting something for free from you....and felt like you wouldn't have anything to do with him if you knew he was married.  I truly feel sorry for his wife....There are NEVER any justifications for cheating....This guy is bad news....you know he is lying...when his lips are moving....

Answer 26

Dump his butt and get tested for STD's. If he's doing you so soon after his marriage, he's likely doing other people. I t doesn't matter if he has low esteem or is depressed. He's a man pig.