My boyfriend doesn't want to get married or have kids

Question

I'm really confused. I love my boyfriend and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but he's not interested in getting married or having kids. I ask him if he would like to eventually and he just tells me that he doesnt see it in his future but maybe when he's 30 or 35 he would consider it.

We're both 23 and have been together for 2.5 years. Getting married and having kids has always been a dream of mine and I don't want to wait til I'm 30 or 35 for that to happen.... if it even does happen. I've explained that to him, but he still feels the same way.

But I love him and want to be with him. I don't know what to do.

Answer 1

Hon, if he still doesn't know if he wants to commit two years into the relationship, he never will.

I know ending the relationship will hurt, but you *deserve* someone who is willing to make the commitment.

Answer 2

Be true to yourself. If you do not want the same things, you owe it to yourself to leave and pursue someone who wants that same things as you.

I had to have that talk with my boyfriend and was fully intent on parting as friends if we did not want the same things . Like your BF, he would have been content to date for eternity.

I had the talk, waited a couple months, was ready to bring it up again one last time and then end it. He beat me to it and proposed with a 2.5 carat ring!

But, I had peace in my heart that I was going to have to leave him if we wanted different things. You cannot force him ir make him change his mind. 23 is still pretty young.

Seriously, you are just selling yourself short if you stay with a guy who does not want the same things as you out of life. It is hard to admit that but you will feel worse in 7 years still dating and living with this guy.

Answer 3

Sounds like he really isn't ready for commitment. I know it'll be hard to leave him since you've already invested so much in your relationship... but it sound like you need to move on and find a man who wants what you want.

Why waste anymore time on someone who doesn't see much more of a future?

Answer 4

You need to move on now. You two may love one another, but you are not a match.

You deserve to have the things you want in life. Don't 'hope' that he'll change.

Answer 5

You have some very tough decisions to make. your not the only one who has been in this situation. I myself have been in this situation. I had to say goodbye to someone who I had loved for many years. He didn't want the same things that I did at that time. NOW he's come to deeply regret his decisions, because I am happily married with a son.

Since your both NOT on the same page about what you want for your life and your future, then you should rethink about staying with someone who doesn't want the same things that you do. IF you make the decision to walk away, it will be very painful for a while. But you have the right to want the things that you want without feeling any guilt. Don't try to push him into something he doesn't want. But I would be honest with him about how you feel, what you want for your life. NEVER apologize for feeling how you feel.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you. :)  

Answer 6

the reason is because he is still window shopping. He thinks something else better will come along. You can never stress a guy about marriage. In the end it will result in a nasty divorce.

Answer 7

He may love you, but isn't necessarily "in" love with you.

If you stay and get married you are doing you both a great injustice.

You will always be longing for the children and he will always be defensive...especially if he feels he is being forced into something he doesn't want.

You would both be happier if you made the personal choice to move on and find a mate that wants the same things in life that you do! You will be much happier and full filled.

Answer 8

Give it some thought. You have been together this long, whats a little long?

I don't think he is for you though.

Take it from someone who knows. Don't have kids to early if you do have them. Enjoy being independent for a while. Kids will put an end to that part of your life. At least until your to old to enjoy it. =}

Answer 9

Get rid of him! After two years if you're the one he'd at least say maybe. Sorry sweetie.

Answer 10

Im in the same predicament only I feel like your boyfriend. I have been with my man for 4.5 years and he really wants to have children & get married and I dont. Its not that I dont love him but I have felt that way since I was little. Its a really hard situation to deal with. You really need outside help with this one. Go to a good psychologist now before 10 years pass and you end up resenting each other. Contact me if you would like to chat more about it. Best of luck.

Answer 11

Its time to break away. You need to find someone with the same interest because if you do not then you are settling and living your life for someone else. If you love children and you want to be someones wife than that's what you need to have or you will never feel complete.

Answer 12

hun, im sorry to say this but this being such a major issue you really need to consider moving on. kids and marriage is the ultimate goal for most relationships, and if he isnt "ready" he probably doesnt want to fully commit to you.

time heals all wounds. find someone that wants what you want in life and you will be much happier.

Answer 13

Only you can decide how important marriage and children is to you, but don't wait around too long hoping for him to change his mind.  If you truly won't be happy without marriage, then you should move on even though it will be painful.  

Answer 14

If it has always been your dream, than you are not right for each other, because you are complete opposites in the marriage and Kid department. Or you can just live with each other, if you are that serious about him, but the fact that you and he are at opposite ends of the scale where kids are concerned, that might not be to your liking.  

Answer 15

He doesnt think your the one

Answer 16

Honestly if you two don't have the same views on the future than you're probably not meant to be together.

If he truly saw you in his future than he wouldn't mind getting married.

Some people just don't want kids so I really don't think that has a whole lot to do with whether he wants to be with you or not.

But maybe he's starting to think more about whether you two are going to be together forever or not..

Answer 17

He has made his views  clear in no  uncertain terms, and in your case it's what Dr Phil  refers to as a deal breaker.  You have two choices. you can sit around and wait for t him to change  his mind, which may or may not happen  , in other words  gamble with your future OR you can cut your losses and find  a man who is ready and willing to  make the  kind of commitment that you  are hoping for. If you can't imagine life without a husband and family then you have no choice  but to choose the second option.

Answer 18

If after two and a half years he still doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with you, or have children, he likely never will. You two are different developmental tracks, and even the best of all loves can't make you happy when you're constantly sacrificing what you want and need, and putting your life and dreams on hold. If it hasn't already, it will start to wear on you, and eventually the spark will fade. You deserve the best, and your boyfriend has told you quite plainly that isn't him. Move on before you invest anymore love or time in a dead-end relationship.

P.S. Guys who say marriage is a "stupid ritual" are guys who don't want the added commitment a wife, or family, would bring. If you move in with him, he definitely won't ever change his mind on marriage because you will be giving him the illusion of marriage without the added commitment.