My boyfriend has 2 children with his ex and says he doesn't want more?

Question

As of "now." Im trying to make a decision as to if I am willing to not have my own and help with his. I have no children and want at least one of my own. He says he will not answer how he will feel in 3 years etc because his opinion might change. His response based on limited finances etc etc.

Answer 1

well if he has good reasons for not wanting more right now, then thats within his right. you dont say how long you have been together or if you want a baby just now. id talk to him again and tell him you love him, but you are giving up your right to have kids and takes on his because he doesnt want anymore. if the relationship isnt going hwere you want it to go then its time to make some changes.

Answer 2

I would just go with the flow of things, because like he said, he doesn't know how he'll feel in a few years from now so things could change. Also, if you put pressure on him about having children, it could push him away, so I think if you just try to be more relaxed about it he will appreciate that and will probably make his feelings for you grow.  

Answer 3

in my personal opinion you shouldnt sacrafice having a child simply because he had children, maybe he should give a little of himself to make you happy since youre standing by him and his children which arent yours

Answer 4

Never put your needs behind a man's.  If you really want children, find someone who does also.  I am sure you love and care about him, but ask yourself if you can live without him, and how strong is your desire to have children?

Answer 5

This is a problem I have heard of before.  The usual response is to leave the conversation open, with an agreed time to speak about it again in the future, say a years time.  Whatever you do, don't force his hand by having an accident, I am not saying that you would dream of doing so yourself but it has been known...and tends to have the opposite effect to the one you want!  In a year, finances may be better and you will also be in a position to decide whether you want to stay if he says no again without having wasted years waiting.  Good Luck!

Answer 6

Do what you feel is right, if I was told by my hubby that he didn't want kids I would never have stayed with him, my son is the most important person to me in the world and I always knew I was going to have a big family. My ex told me he never wanted kids, it was an ongoing arguement and in the end I left him. I was not going to let someone hold me back from my dreams

Answer 7

You are taking a chance that he will never change his mind. If you are both young though, he may when things get better for you.

Does he love his children and choose to spend time with them? If he does, he may be willing to have one with you in the future.

You need to decide whether you love him enough to not have children if he doesn't change his mind though since he has made his position very clear.

I don't like the "might change his mind" bit. He is asking you to take a chance that he won't and you won't know until you are committed. Maybe you should ask him if he could accept a child if there were an accident and you found out you were pregnant. If he said he would love it, then he probably will want one with you unless he is older and feels that he has had enough of the baby stuff and just doesn't want to tell you straight out.