My boyfriend has anger issues

Question

My boyfriend is 3yrs & some months older than I am and we've only been tgether 6months.

However, not until this last month or so has his anger issues become a problem. He stopped trusting me about 3 months ago when I gave one of my best guy friends a ride to go see his girlfriend, my boyfriend wouldn't pick up his phone so I just sent him a text telling him what I was doing. That led into an argument that lasted 8hrs because he kept asking why I picked up the phone when he called (he made me delete every male number in my phone). 2 months ago my boyfriend turned 21 & has been drinking every night since then and sometimes he can be the most caring person but one wrong word or if he takes something the wrong way it will set him off.

Within the last month, he has begun to get physical, shoving me, slapping me, pulling me by my hair and once grabbed me by the throat. I tried to get him to go to anger management even offered to pay for it but he wouldn't do it.

I don't know what to do, I don't want to break things off with him because he is the only person that has made me realize my flaws & was the only one that was hard on me when I was messing up.

But I'm honestly scared of him...

4 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.

Additional Details

0 seconds ago

On top of making me delete phone numbers, he made me delete my myspace because i had messaged his ex girlfriend telling her i didn't mind if they were friends, but please just leave it at that & that i wanted to meet her if they were going to be hanging out.

((I copy & pasted because I think I put it in the wrong category first))

Answer 1

I think you should talk to him, and let him know how it makes you uncomfortable  being in that type of relationship. You can't be in a reship that smothers you. You both should be equally free to make adult decisions.If he love you and you love him, he should know you wouldn't do anything intentionally to hurt him. Some guys don't get it - until  you take a break, and say AYE this not really working for me- if you were to back off - I would be able to be ME. It's a good thing that he showed you your flaws, so that will allow you to be the Newer you that you can be.

Answer 2

You need to realize and face the fact that you are in a situation that is only going to get worse. And more than that your going to get hurt. You should be able to have male friends, there is nothing wrong with  friends.  You need to get away from him ASAP before you get hurt badly.  He is not willing to go to counseling, therefore you should see the situation and read the writing on the wall.  If he has slapped you, shoved you, pulled your hair,and grabbed you by the throat.  Then why did you not call the police on him.  If you allow him to do that to you, don't you know that it will just continue and get worse.  You deserve better, and you deserve more respect.  No one has the right to abuse you , and that is abuse.  Get out while you can, I cannot stress to you enough to run like h***.  That is not love,  and you should not be scared of him.  Go to the court house or prosecuting attorneys office and get a order of protection, a restraining order whatever it takes and if he continues to bother you and harass you then have him put in jail. Don't play this game with him, you will get hurt badly.Maybe even killed.  Take this situation serious, it's not a joke.  

Answer 3

Sweetheart you already know the answer to this.  That feeling you had when he started this was that he was taking care of you.  His making you realize your flaws and being hard on you was his way in and now he is taking control.  Of course you are scared of him.  If you continue you will no longer have any life but what he dictates.  

If you need help contact a women's shelter.  There will be someone there who can help you gain the backbone you need to do this.  Looking at a woman who has allowed a man ruin her life should do the trick.

Answer 4

I came across your question and i thought you ought break it off. think about it. he pointed out your flaws? come on now that is sure way of lowering someones self esteem. he sounds like a control freak and you need to stop the vicious cycle . he is only trying to break you down to where you would be isolated from your friends and even your family. it is not worth the trouble or the aches and pains you will endure if you decide to stay. try going to one of those abusive groups for women. it is an eye opener. girl, just break it off. you are being abused emotionally and starting to become physical. get out and meet new people . take from me. i know this firsthand good luck  

Answer 5

im stuck int he same situation with my step dad...when u figure out wht to do...please tell me

Answer 6

You have two issues:

First, you need to emotionally break up with this guy. This guy has tons of underlying emotional issues that he needs to deal with before he has a relationship with anyone. His drinking, anger, jealous are all just the tip of the iceberg. he needs to deal with his own inner demons and possibly get therapy before it gets better. If you try to stay with him, it will only get worse. He will convince himseldf that the problem is you (its always easier to point the finger at someone else than to see your own faults) and he will direct more and more of his emotional problems at you!  The only way he would possible accept the fact that it is his fault is if you break up with him. If you stay with him, then he is going to justify the fact that the is nothing wrong with him becuase you haven't broken up with him.

You need to accept the fact in your heart that this guy is not for you and that there are plently more out there.

Second, you need to end the relationship with him. This is easier said than done when someone might be violent. You know him better than anyone- but this might involve calling the police on him, moving somewhere else, changing all your phone numbers, whatever you think is needed to stay safe. Rememebr that this guy has already committed several felonies against you and if you have proof or witnesses as quick trip to jail for him is only a phone call away.

No matter the inconvience to you it will be worth it. Guys like this are able to convice girls that they want to get better and that they are sorry and they didn't mean it - don't believe it for one second. He is not going to face reality or have any intention of changing his ways as long as you are still with him.