My boyfriend has anger problems, how should i deal with them?

Question

my boyfriend gets angry/upset/annoyed over a lot of little things i do. and even if sometimes they are things he should be getting mad over he gets a bit tooo mad over it and at the end ends up regretting all the things he had said to me while he was mad. i could never say the things he says to me.. 1 because i wouldnt want to hurt him and wouldnt be able to.. 2 because he thinks he could say all the **** he wants to me but yet for some reason i cant cause even if i said the littlest thing to him it would become the biggest deal. he himself knows he has a problem but its something he cant change and something i cant deal with anymore but i'd rather live with it than live w.o him. i think to leave him but at the same time i cant do it. what can i do to help him relax and not be so sensitive because i cant take the yelling over eveeeery lil thing anymore.

Answer 1

Love him and stay or stop loving him and leave.  That's the answer.

He hurts you?  Is he physical?  Than your best bet is to leave him.  If you still love him, you give him one more chance to compromise.  Understand, you need to convey that even if he kills you, the love goes.  He's dammed.  

Not physical?  Do his verbal attacks / tantrums affect you physically.  Continue the relationship.  Eventually something will happen to you, probably minor but it'll be enough to put him through mental h**l.  His spirit will change to accommodate your physical well being.    

This soul mate relationship is one of the more extreme varieties.  Martyr / Redeemer

Answer 2

He needs to do some major anger catharsis. Tell him to write at least three pages of anger writing when he acts up. He can punch pillows while he does it - that really helps. THEN he can discuss the issue with you. If he's not willing to do that at all - he's got major issues and get out of the situation before you get hurt - SERIOUSLY.

Answer 3

He can change his behaviour, he just doesn't want to.  There are anger management classes he can attend.  He probably gets a kick out of controlling you.  You don't have to live with it - it will only get worse.  Ask him to seek counselling and if he refuses I suggest you leave.

Answer 4

you need to reserch anger counseling if you wont leave him

he clearly has a problem and i am worried that one day he might go too far and get violent towards you.

you say you cant take the yelling but you stay.

he can change but he has to wnt to change.

if he doesnt want to (by him saying "i know i have a problem but i cant change who i am") means he doesnt want to change...that isnt good for you,

i know this sounds a bit crazy maybe extreme but sometimes in kids like this they give them fish oil mixed into their food...if you cook for him add a spoonful into his food like mix it into pasta sauces and mashed potato, gravy ect....it does improve kids anger issues .... it calms them down for some reason. maybe you could try that?

either that or you have to expect he isnt gonna change coz he doesnt want to try and you have to leave him or put up with it.

Answer 5

I would say to kick this one to the curb. You can't fix him.

The fact that he holds you responsible for his happiness and makes a big deal out of everything means that he is an abusive person, or is on his way to being one. The pattern is there. The verbal abuse, possessive, controlling, unrealistic expectations, hypersensitive, isolationist, blames everyone else for his mistakes.... A big argument followed by a little honeymoon, followed by a bigger blow-up, then another little honeymoon.

At some point it will come to blows.

Don't stick around for that.

Answer 6

he isn't going to change...he needs HELP...so either get him some help, or leave...cause one day he's not going to stop and he's going to hurt you physically.

Therapy and meds...that's what he needs..

Answer 7

how about some reward and punishment? show him your worth, honey. you dont deserve to be trash-talked.

if he shows a little improvement with his anger problem, give him a reward. then it would keep on improving.

Answer 8

You deserve better dump him he is not right for you and you will find someone better.  Do not be afraid of being on your own hang out with some good friends until the right one comes along.  Think of all the fun you could be missing with your friends instead of receiving abuse from a male.

Answer 9

I’d say watch out! You’re the victim of abuse in this relationship. The boyfriend’s anger management is his responsibility, not yours. He should seek professional help if “its something he cant change”. You’re only fooling yourself if you think you can always “help him relax and not be so sensitive”. Violence you’re not equipped to handle is just around the corner.

The pattern’s being set at the moment. He’s getting used to unloading tensions on you with every little thing, and you’re getting used to taking it, even making excuses for it. Your own fantasy that “i'd rather live with it than live w.o him” keeps you trapped.

Remember verbal abuse is only the start of the anger/losing control loop - abusiveness becomes worse, more dangerous in future. So stop the abuse now - stop appeasing him, stop avoiding the issue. Tell him to get help or you'll get out.  See a counsellor/therapist yourself to understand your situation better and deal with the emotional abuse you’re already suffering.