My boyfriend is 18 and I am 17, we are engaged and wanting to have a baby. Are we insane?

Question

We both want this badly, and have thought long and hard about the strain it will put on us as a couple as well as individuals; how we would work as a family to support it and each other. We have also discussed if something were to happen to us if we could handle being single parents (which we both are very confident in our relationship). I know in my heart I am ready to be a mother, and he says he knows 100% that he is ready to have the responsibility of a father. I would just like some more advice.

Answer 1

Well I graduated from high school at 16, got married at 17, and got pregnant 2 months before I turned 19, however my husband is 3 years older, and we had been together since I was 13.  He is in the military and is therefore very mature, I won't say I'm mature ( that is a def. sign of immaturity) but I know what I'm getting into having a child ( I was a nanny for 3 years)  its not all fun and games, its hard work, and it can be very stressful financially and physically!!!

Your not insane....but I wouldn't recommend you having a child right now..

you need to both be out of high school, and make sure you both have a good job to were you have your own apartment and make enough to support yourselves and a child!!

Just take it slowly, make sure this isn't just a phase, wait a year or two and if you still want a child..then go for it..just make sure your ready, because once that baby gets here... there is no turning back.

Another thing to remember is, you can have all the money in the world and not be happy, money is important to survive, but you don't have to have tons of money to have a happy home.  My parents barely made it raising my siblings and I, we grew up with a respect for our parents and for money...meaning we didn't get everything we ever wanted...and grew up appreciating what we had.

Good luck to you :)

Answer 2

extremly

Answer 3

I don't think you are insane.  It seems to me that you have thought this through very carefully, and I think your age is fine to get married if you know you truly and really love each other.  I just  hope that you won't become pregnant until after you are married.  Just remember that you two must love each other for this relationship to actually work.

Good luck!

Answer 4

im your age and have been with my boyfriend for all of high school and we have also gone through a LOT of things together but i cant imagine having a baby with him. i think you really  need to think about the baby before your own feelings if you have a baby you wont be able to work as much and will need more money than ever to support it. i think it would not be a mature choice if you got pregnant. if you both are so in love wait a bit until you get married and are more established with a home and other things then have a baby and be set.

Answer 5

Maybe you two should wait a few years before bringing a child into your relationship. You sound as though you have a really strong, committed relationship. So what's the rush? Waiting a few years to get an education or to find out what you two want to do with your lives may be a good idea. You two should also have some more time to be a couple. If you guys are getting married, maybe hold off until you are married to have a child. I say this because weddings are expensive, and it will be very stressful, even without a child.

You two will probably be awesome parents. But it wouldn't hurt to wait. Children are a life long commitment and require a lot of attention. Which you are both probably capable of, but at your age it can be more difficult. You won't have friends who understand what you are going through and it can be tough when your friends are out partying and you two cannot because you must stay home or work. There's nothing wrong with responsibility but you two are still young and should take more time to plan out your lives together. That way when your baby comes you can take time to enjoy your new family without stressing about what will happen in the future.

Answer 6

Nahh, your in the honeymoon stage :]

Answer 7

ch-yeah..... i think so.......... but hey its your life live it how you want to in the end your decision/opinion is the only one that counts

Answer 8

Depends on you, just to let you know, you can't just take peoples word for it no matter how much you trust them.  How do you know for sure that once you have the baby he leaves you just because he wanted s*x not you or the baby.  1. Your gonna have trouble going to school.  2. Im pretty sure your parents would get mad 3. pretty much you might get laughed at and stuff by your friends or rumors spread or whatever.  4. Im not a girl but i've heard things like it's painful to have a baby at that age >_>

Answer 9

I can see what you mean - I'm in a long term relationship and often get broody! But I know right now, it's not a good time. Okay, you've just gotten engaged, take your time about this. Why do everything in the first quarter of your life when you have the rest of your life to do it in? However much you think you're ready, I don't think fuly fledged adults are ever read for their first child. It's always different to how you think it will be - think about loosing your virginity. No doubt something you'd imagined for a long time - did it go the way you thought? I know mine wasn't. I think you've been very mature about it so far; talking about the 'what ifs' - some people just launch in blindly, not a clue what they're doing. But again, I think you need to wait until you've got a house of your own, you've got money to spend on the baby and you're at 'that time' in your life. So, no, you're not insane. A little foolish perhaps, but not insane. Take your time with this, wait until you're properly ready :)

Answer 10

I can only answer this as the parent of a 15 year old.  I believe in true love at a young age and if you're lucky enough to find the right person for you then congratulations!  

Having a baby is a serious, lifetime commitment.  But you sound mature enough to already know this.  Are you getting married just so you can have a baby?  If you're determined to get married get married and be happy with each other and spend time together BEFORE you have a baby.  Have some fun together, go party, work hard, save some money, continue your educations so you can have some security in your future.  Slow down a little-you have lots of time and if it's true love then it will outlast anything.

Answer 11

It would be best to get settled into your life first before you bring another into the world.  It will be much easier to raise a family when you have a steady career and adequate financial income.  It's ok to want what you want, but sometimes the best things come to those who wait.  Waiting will be the best thing to do for any children you may have.  What's the rush?  You and him are so young.

Baylee - It's not a criticism of your character, it's a criticism of your timing.  Do you even have your own place to live?  Do you plan to go to college and get established in a career?  Are you making anything much more than minimum wage? These are serious things to consider before bringing a child into the picture.  You want to try and establish the best possible environment for a baby before bringing one into the world.  Again it's not a question of whether you're "mature" enough or not, it's all in the timing.  There's plenty of time to have children later. You should not be in such a rush.

Now I don't know if you're asking this question with openness to thoughtful suggestions or if you're only asking to hear only the answer you want to hear, but I'm speaking from life experience and thoughtful consideration.  I doubt my answer is the one you wanted to hear but I speak the truth.  I would be doing you no justice if I were not.

Answer 12

:| yes baby your insane.. actually thats mean, SLOW DOWN :)

Answer 13

i think you should stay engaged for a year (without living together!!!). see how things go and then you can get married, and THEN get pregnant.

whoa whoa whoa wait what???

are you seriously thinking that you've been through a lot versus what married couples go through????

uhhm hun... reality check.... you guys aren't ready to get married.....

Answer 14

Youre not insane. I think its human nature to want to have a baby, especially with the one you love!!   My hubby and I go together at 15 & 16, then we got married at 18& just 20. I got pregnant less than a year later. Now I am 23 and have 2 kids, 2 1/2 years apart. I wouldnt change it, cause it would change everything. BUT, it does sound nice to have those young years back, maybe wait till i was 22 and could spend more time, vacations, fun things with just my hubby and falling even more in love with just eachother. Everyone has to learn for themselves, and from their own choices... but i just with i could make everyone see.... TRY TO SLOW DOWN AND ENJOY LIFE WHERE YOU ARE, you are only 17, waiting even 3 years is not long, but trust me, it is long enough to do some more and be carefree with out a baby. GOOD LUCK in whatever happens ;)

Answer 15

Yes, you are insane.

Watch Baby Borrowers on NBC.

Answer 16

no your not crazy i actully did them same thing but i was 19 when we got married and we want kids right away so we had our daughter now its not gonna be easy all the time there will be times you just wanna pull your hair out but be loving to your husband to be and let him go out with the boys once and a while so you and your baby can have some one on one time cause it helps to be able to connect with your child and when you want to do something with your husband ask one of your parents or a close friend you trust to watch the baby and spend one on one time with your hubby and do something romantic that always a plus

Answer 17

your crazy if you think your prepared for all that. you have to test your relationship first then when you're sure that you're relationship is strong enough  to handle life as a couple then think about having babies. i think you should wait til you're older. as a teen i don't think you'll be ready for the responsibility that you need to hold a relationship together while trying to take care of a baby. so honestly WAIT!!!

Answer 18

i say do what you heart wants that is my plan when i get older

Answer 19

ok. I'm really against teen pregnancy! I'm 18 years old, it's just I would hate to see you start off your life so quickly, you're not even 18 yet. If you're so sure about your relationship a few years won't matter you have a lifetime left!

You're right you sound pretty responsibe, but think of the baby. Wait untill you are financially stable to have a kid, you don't want to be able to give it all don't you?.... If college was an option for you do that and then think about having a kid figure out what you're doing with your life first! :)

please please take my advice....it could work ... yes, but you have years of being young left take advantage of that!

Answer 20

absolutely, you're both too young for that

Answer 21

bad idea. wait. if its meant to happen waiting wont hurt anything. having a kid is a lot more work than it seems. at the end of the day, you cant just take it back to its parents. also, think about the things you will have to give up. the normal little things you do on a daily basis will be changed greatly. just wait. the divorce rate in america is over 50% now, so waiting on marriage is probably a good idea too

Answer 22

Your too young to have a baby, stay together and wait until you are both in your 20s once you have established your selves first and have a semi secure financial foundation in place, kids are expensive.  You may want a baby now and think you are ready for one but it would be best to wait a few years when it will be easier to support one.  As a parent I want whats best for my kids and so does my wife thats why we waited until we were in our late 20s to have our first child.  Had I of had a kid any earlier I just could not justify it, only being able to do so much for her with the very small income I had in my early twenties.  Now me and my wife have careers and can provide for our daughter and future son (due in three weeks)  so they have every opportunity to succeed and be happy.  If not for yourselves then for your potential child wait a few years and save up some money so you can give him or her the very best, and not what you can presently afford on a smaller income.

Answer 23

I dont even have to read what you put, yes your very immature and stupid!!!!

read some marriage stats... and also having a kid at your age.

VERY DUMB!!!!!

Answer 24

Im so sorry Im just kinda e-drunk right now. Do what you want.

Answer 25

you are coming up on the prime of your guys lifes, your 20's, that is when you really do some stuff like partying, after that it all goes down from there. Wait til you are at least 30

Answer 26

sorry if this is rude but ur asking me and i dont like lying so ima say it yes no mater how much you love someone your 17 and your getting married??

Answer 27

girl you are fine, donteven pay attention to these people who dont even know you. i dont know you, bu if you aree physically and mentally and financially ready to have a baby, so be it. its your problem, its for you and your fiancee.. not anyone else.. iknow how you feel, my boyfriendsturning 20 monday and im 18, we both want a baby lol

try writing down how much u two make every month.. i do tht for alot btwn me nd my bf =] it works, just add up your 2s money a month, add that up to about 8 months, or just take out the prices of all the babies stuff you will need... you should be all set =]... good luck hun, remember, it is YOUR life, no one can say anything, but they willl because they are jealous haters... but your fiancee sounds like a good guy. just be determined ok?

*hugs*

Answer 28

Actually it depends on your maturity level, which sounds to me like you and your guy can handle the process of being husband and wife and parents. I would just wait until your graduated out of school thats one of the best options for you and your child in the long run.

Answer 29

totally insane

Answer 30

yes your insane and it will never last so dont waste the $ on a marriage divorces aren't cheap just stay together as long as you can so the kid has a chance at a descent life at least

Answer 31

i think if you're ready it's alright. i was pregnant when i was 17-18, and married the man of my dreams 2 months before our lil girl was born. it's a lil hard sometimes but it's great. i wouldnt trade either of em for my life.