My boyfriend is a compulsive liar. We live together with our 5 month old son, and this is why I put up with

Question

his lies. He doesn't cheat, his lies are about stupid things, like I find out he's out trying to buy a car (without telling me anything about it), when I think he's home taking a nap. Or he tells me he's at a friends house, and I find out he's at the casino. It's little things that would not be a problem if he would just discuss them with me, but it becomes a huge problem when I find out he lied about it. I want our family to stay together, I could never imagine getting my son every other weekend, or even going without him for one night. So, I continue to put up with his lies in order to keep our family together, but it's really wearing me down. I've told him over and over again that he should never feel like he has to hide anything, or lie about anything to me that I'll always support him, but he continues to do it, and I don't know what to do anymore.

Answer 1

Get him into an adult mental health clinic. He really has some deep rooted emotional problems. Make him submit to a few days of emotional and behavioral tests to determine his mental state, including the 6 areas of Anxiety disorders. His has mental illness, and you can ask repeatedly but he will never change without a lot of pro help., for REAL!...plus possibly meds

Answer 2

dont think what you should put up with... think what your son should have to put up with and my personal opinion is to do whats best for your child, you would hate for your son and any other future kids to grow up thinking lying is ok, lying is not a good thing especially when its compulsive. Your boyfriend will continue to lie like this untill he seeks propper help, there may be a good reason behind why he lies, i as a child was a lyer more than most but as i found ot later on it was becsuse i always lied to my dad so i wouldnt get in trouble (he had a bad temper) and basically you just get used to it, its becomes all you know, you know its wrong but you cant help it... ask him if he would consider getting help to keep the family together, if nothing changes then please do what is best for your sons up bringing

good luck

Answer 3

suggest relationship counseling,

i know a ton of people who are pathological liars, I never can understand, it's like "just tell the truth for f****** sake.

Answer 4

Please listen to me...I have alot of experience with this...if he is willing to lie about little things then bigger things will come down the line.TRUST ME. Get out now while he's just a boyfriend and not a husband! Just tell him your not somfortable having your son away from you over night whle he is that young. Maybe he won't even fight you on that.  

Answer 5

Tell your boyfriend something startling to him, like you're only staying with him for your son's sake. that should rly wake him up if he cares at all. then tell him that most the things he lies about are no big deal to you and you dont even know why he is lying about it.

Answer 6

Maybe he's trying to hide something from you.  Pay a lot of attention.

Answer 7

First, you need to have a serious conversation with him and get him to admit that it is a problem, and have him resolve to stop lying. Compulsive lying is as serious as an addiction, and should be treated as such. He needs to promise you he won't lie to you again, and you both need to work on helping him with this.

That said, a skilled counsellor who works in psychological methods of cognitive and behavioural therapy can help significantly with compulsive lying.

Good luck, I hope you work this out!!

Answer 8

First NEVER stay with someone because of a child it is the worst mistake you could ever make..and If he lies to you about little things he will lie to you about bigger things!

Answer 9

Sounds like he has a problem with spending money and he is feeling guilty for it and tries to get away with it.

You should pay attention and keep your own bank account EXP bc you have a child!

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 10

You "shouldn't" have to tell someone you love not to lie, you "should" expect a person to love you enough not to lie. I'd rather be alone then miserable.

Kid or not.  

Answer 11

i was in same situation as you and we had two children together i thought he was the love of my life i mean he never cheated either but every thing that came out of his mouth was a lie i hated it i was with him for nearly three years and one day i woke up and reliesed what am i doing to my kids and my self my most important people in my life are my two beautiful girls i was scared that if the girls grown up with him that they would be liars to and i dont think you want that for your son all i can say is good luck on what ever choices you decided to make best wishes and all the best  

Answer 12

Aww, I'm so sorry you have this problem, it's a hard situation and I know  from experience it's not an an easy decision to make, but you need to not only take in to consideration what's best for your child, but also what's best for you and what's best for your boyfriend. Is it really right to stay with this man if he lies to you constantly? Although it is always important for a child to h ave a father figure in his or her life you shouldn't put your child through listening to his/her parents argue which is what will happen if you don't work this out. You should really sit down with your boyfriend and have a serious discussion with him about what's best for all of you as a family and share your concerns, I really hope everything works out! Best of Luck!

~Kayla~

Answer 13

This person doesn't lie because of you, he lies because he enjoys it. He cannot relate to your attitude. And he will keep lying about everything and anything. He will also lie to your son and con him. This won't change. It's like being blue-eyed or left-handed. Cannot be changed.

You need to make some informed decisions about your custody rights and how to get yourself and your son away from him. He is actually dangerous and can ruin your lives financially and socially.

Answer 14

Please consider this; the same-s*x parent is the most powerful role model a child has. With that in mind, do you think a compulsive liar should be the example for your son to follow?

I was married to such a person. Fortunately, I kicked him out when my son was 6 months old because he tried to strangle and kill me one night in 1981, before there was any attention given to domestic violence by the police. Fortunately, he really made himself scarce, never paid child support, and stayed out of our lives completely, which gave me total freedom to raise my son as I saw fit; what a blessing that was!

We actually attended divorce counseling. The clinical psychologist diagnosed him with antisocial personality disorder (i.e., "sociopath"). The diagnostic symptoms were pathological lying without remorse.

Get out NOW and find a good family law lawyer. This man will never change and will make your life miserable. Don't worry about a custody fight-- he will posture like he wants joint custody, but won't really mean it. It will be more about his own vanity than about actual love for your son.

Answer 15

I was married to a compulsive liar some time ago.  Being a compulsive liar brings all kind of negative situations into the home.  You are finding out the truth and, whether you want to hear this or not, you should pack up and go - now.   I waited too long and ended up by being a battered wife.  They will put up with your questioning and finding out they their dishonesty, for so long, and then they will start to get madder and more angrier.  How can you ever be happy with somebody like that>  Ask yourself that question,   What about your son living in that environment.  What do you think will be better for him?   I guarantee you that if you start writing down EVERYTHING that he does, lies about, where he goes, how much money he gives you  etc. etc. ALL in detail, when the time comes you will get custody.  We all make the same excuses to begin with. We are staying for the good of the children.  I left with five young children and a year after my divorce married a wonderful man that I have been married to for 33 years now.   I got full custody, for exactly the same reasons that you state your husband is doing, plus the abuse.