My boyfriend is abusive...i dont know wut to do

Question

Me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 4 years now..i love him with all my heart i feel as if he is my soul mate. About 7 months ago we got our own apartment and before that we were living together in my mother house for a few months...

the first 2 years of us dating was pretty much fine...when we would fight though he would bring up really mean things from my past about my ex boyfriends etc...now for the past year or so he has been putting his hands on me..not as in a punch or anything but as in a choke or a push or a very hard and l0ng grab.it scares me because sometimes i feel like he might kill me. He will say thing like "im going to knock your teeth out". I hit back i punch him in his face and do what ever i have to do to have him get off me..that doesnt help..if i push him away it gets worse than the next day when we pretend it never happened ..if we talk about it he will say he only did it because i put my hands on him..

i dont know if i could ever leave him..we are sooo close even though it does not sound like it.

i know everyones answer will be leave him but its hard...his whole family lives in GA and we are in jersey..we are in the middle of a lease also ..i dont really know what answers im looking for but thanks in advance:)

Answer 1

i was married for 5 years. we only knew each other for 3 months before we got married. we have two girls age 4 and 3. his whole family lived in oregon and we were in missouri. he didn't know anyone here. he was really abusive, my girls saw him treat me like that all the time. i finally realized that i didn't love him and he was only with me because he didn't have anywhere else to be. i moved in with my parents and left him with the rent. he didn't pay. the electric and phone was in my name, he was there for 2 months before he went home to oregon, i am stuck with a 400 elec. bill and 300 phone bill. it was worth it. my girls are happier. do it now before you get pregnant. then you ll be stuck for a while and he will leave eventually. you will be happier, you don't want to be with him for the next 50 years do you?

Answer 2

leave..go back to GA if he comes to get you violently just dont go hes not worth it or he needs to see anger mangement class. DONT LET HIS I LOVE YoUS END UP HURTING YOU!

Answer 3

Ok, you already know the answer-leave that abuser know!!!!! There are other men that will love you and give you the love you deserve. Something I need to make clear. I am seveteen years old, and my parents have fought like this infront of us kids. When I was 10, I called the cops on my dad for pulling my mother's hair and throwing her on the floor. When another time, my father hitting my mother several times over the head with a news paper and his hands. When my mother was pregnant, my father threw her up against the wall and punched her in the stomach, luckily the baby was fine.

What Im saying, is that you do not have a future with this man. You cannot have a family with him, without exposing you future children to a nightmare. There is no way in h**l you can have a successful relationship, unless he wants to change, but it doesnt sound like that cause he didnt even say he was sorry; he feels justified because you put your hands on him in selfdefense. I am asking you please, please, please, save your future, your self-esteem and your life-leave him tommorrow!!! It is so hard to do-I know, but do it for yourself, cause there are other things he will do to you besides abusing you physically. Just you wait untill money is in the picture!!!  

Good Luck!!

Answer 4

Who cares if your in the middle of a lease or not. Get the F--K out while you still can. You don't need to be a statistic and I'm sure if your father knew what he was doing, he do the exact same thing I would do. No woman deserves to be treated like that. I'm sure everyone is going to tell you what you already know and that's to leave him. Let your parents know and I'm sure they'll help you out. Call the police if it happens before you can move out and nip this in the butt girl. Women get killed all the time over the most stupid c**p and it just blows me away when the newspapers say the boyfriend/husband had been arrested numerous times before for violence in their relationship. You have a really bad case of " ANAL GLAUCOMA ". Pull your head out of your " A-S " and protect your self by getting away now while you can. If your father has a email, send it to me!

Answer 5

Abuse gets worse not better!  Your life could be at risk and you're worried about a stupid lease!!  Just what do you think will happen to that lease if you're found dead in that apartment some day!

"we are soooooo close"????? Sorry but that's c**p!  When a guy is supposedly close to the woman he supposedly loves he does not choke or push or grab her or threathen to knock her teeth out!

There's a little inner voice inside you and it recognizes how serious this is.....it's the little voice that made you say "sometimes I feel like he might kill me".

He does things like that and the next day you "pretend": it never happened"????  Every time you pretend it never happened, you are giving him permission to do it again.  He has total control over you and is manipulating your mind and lowering your self esteem and confidence by the day!

You don't need advice from anyone on here girl, you already know the answer as to what you should do.  Quit pretending it never happened, quit pretending it won't get worse, quit pretending it's going to stop!  You need to leave this guy..........far better you walk out alive than get carried out dead on a stretcher by the funeral directors or someone from the coroners office!

Answer 6

Go to a women's shelter.  They will help you with everything.

You may love him totally and completely but he DOES NOT love you or he would not put his hands on you out of anger or frustration.  It is NEVER okay to push you or threaten violence.  He will only get worse.  Trust me on this one.  I know from firsthand experience.  

Answer 7

I know it isn't what you want to hear but you have to leave him. I wouldn't want to hear it either but you can't play it all deffensless for the rest of your life. Is this how you want to live? spending the rest of your life with this worthless soul? you deserve someone better. Take charge because it sounds like you're life is about to go down the drain.  

Answer 8

ok.  Listen to me.  In every experience that I've heard of similar to

yours the men get worse over time, subtly.  They'll get it to the point where the girl can't leave him for reasons similar to yours.  But he very well could get worse or rape you.  Or, God forbid, kill you.  Please don't take a chance here--plus you're worth so much more than that.  Email me or friends of yours--you need support.  It is a difficult decision to make but you'll be proud of yourself for leaving.  GOOD LUCK!

P.S.  Don't allow yourself to be manipulated by him!

Answer 9

Well relationships be like that sometimes. I wouldn't leave him unless he was like almost killing you. Then it's like you going to be dead if you stay. But of course My view is not like everybody else, but as a couple I hope y'all come together and talk about his anger issues, maybe you can admit some of yours as well. Talk it out.

Answer 10

I think you guys should see a marriage and family therapist. I'm studying to  be that right now and I think it could really help you guys out. It puts you in the other person's shoes and it would help him understand how it makes you feel when he is violent towards you. What he is doing is absolutely unacceptable.  

Answer 11

look you are not an idiot. leave de bwoy! if he loved you- he wouldn't hit you so i'm gonna give it to you straight.options

1) Leave

1) call the police

3) fight him- defend yourself- get a gun, pepperspray or broken bottle and burst the bwoy head

4) stay with him and say to yourself " he loves me and i love him) then when hm come home he will beat you until you die or end up with broken bones!

YOU CHOOSE- HIM OR YOUR LIFE!!

YOU DON'T NEED HIM, I'M SURE NO TREE AIN'T GROWING IN YOUR FACE! LOOK IN THE MIRROR AND SEE HOW BEATIFUL YOU ARE. YOU DON'T NEED c**p LIKE HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

Answer 12

i feel you.i know its hard to leave trust me.give him a altermatum.if he dont change in a couple months LEAVE HIM.HOPE I HELPED U.

Answer 13

In the spiritualist community, a "soul mate" is actually your toughest teacher with the nastiest lesson you have to confront and deal with, so that fits this situation. You are being taught to stick up for yourself and only put up with a man that will take care of you. Heads up, honey!

Get ready to leave, or tell him to get gone... pick one.

You have got too many red flags there! This situation will not improve.

The verbal and physical abuse will increase in intensity with each episode, with shorter "honeymoon" periods in between beatings. You don't want to become dependent on him... that will be slavery with daily beatings.

These types are all "prince charming" until they finally have the woman to themselves. Notice that his abuses didn't start until you were out of your parents' house.

Notice that he also blames you for his lack of control, and tells you that you deserve the abuse. Don't buy into this.

He comes from a red-neck area and this behavior is probably ingrained in his family culture. You cannot change him.

You don't want to wait until you have permanent black-eyes before finally bolting out of there.

Stow some get-away money in a Kotex box in your closet.

Call your parents to come with a trailer to get you.

Let him take the credit hit on the apartment.

Answer 14

that is terrible of him!!! i no it will be hard but u need to break up with him. if u have family like brothers or sisters or even a best friend and make sure if he is really mad to buy a security system

i no i sound stupid but it is a very bad idea to live with a person who is abusvie

Answer 15

he's mean, anyways the thing you should do is to attend a family seminars or consulting, I'm not sure what it's called, but i think it would help, you should attend both. but if you couldn't convince him, try talking to him.. (when my wife and I argue sometimes she'll just suddenly hug me and we'll just stop arguing, I'm not sure if that will work with him but some men are weak to seeing their wife like crying) if that wouldn't work, leave him for a while, say that you would go back if he'll still be like that

Answer 16

look i know you are looking for an easy answer and i know it's hard but you have to leave him. i understand what you are going threw i have been abused by somebody i cared about and even though i didn't want to hurt them or leave them as soon as i did i felt better and free..take it from my experience..leave him.

Answer 17

I know tats really hard to leave him,but for me its not easily to hit someone love..it will bring you suffer if you leave him,but its also suffer if you stay in such situation. let find someone really love you and wont hurt you,its just depend on you whether you wan to make it,dont because of oyou love him too much and bring suffer to yourself,not mean we sure must be with someone we love if tats not bring us happiness..juz some opinion..good luck.

Answer 18

well I'm not going to say leave him you have to want to do that, but i can tell you from seeing it happen to my best friend and my cousin also my mom, it doesn't get better and if you stay you are only tearing your self esteem down, yeah i know u saying i don't have low self esteem but you will be amaze if u sit and replay incidents that have taken place, you will see a pattern if he constantly says bad things about you eventually you'll start feeling that way you have to be strong  he could  kill you or hurts u really bad and the lease you are so worried about will still remain , loves doesn't hurt  when you get tired you will leave but please don't be the next girl on the news, as for him bringing up your ex when he is mad, your ex has nothing to do with you all, that's why he is an ex maybe he feels intimidated by your ex and he says things to make u feel like s***  DOESN'T MATTER IF YOU HIT BACK OVIOUSLY U R NOT STRONGER THAN HIM. rent the movie WHATS LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT ( Tina Turner story)  

Answer 19

get things solved by talk

find wht r the problems

help out with mutual understanding

evry thing will be fine