My boyfriend is bipolar, we had a fight, please...what do I do? ?

Question

I just moved eight hours away with my bipolar boyfriend of 1 year. I quit my job, school, because I love him that much. Right now he is going through depression and will NOT talk to me...about anything. He sits on the couch and watches TV or sleeps.

Last night I gently told him that I noticed he was acting strange and wanted to help, that he has lost interest in s*x and spending time and that is was starting affect me. He showed no interest and said nothing. I am so hurt, because he is such an affectionate loving boyfriend. Then he said he was quiet because he had some bad dreams about killing someone, but that is all he would say. He absolutely would NOT give me any details.

This morning started out with a fight, which concluded with me raising my voice a bit and him grabbing me. He then said that I made him out to be the bad guy and he didn't need my kind of help or caring, and he tried to give me money to go home. I was devastated and crying on the bathroom floor, he walked right past me and went to work.

Please, someone, I love him so much...how do I act when he comes home? He is so volatile. I know if I stay mad or hurt it will make things work but then I can't act like nothing happened either. Also I am scared he won't come home from work. What do I? He takes me words and twists them when all I try to do is be understanding. The emotional toll I am taking is unbearable.

Answer 1

Is he on medication?  If he is, make sure he keeps taking them, it will make things easier for both of you.

Answer 2

I think maybe you should go home.  This situation sounds a little risky to me. He sounds very unstable and he needs some mental health services. I am not saying leave him completely but just maybe stay away from him till he gets better. He will appreciate it later hopefully. Good luck :)

Answer 3

You need to tell your boyfriend to get help, and you should go home until you are sure he does. If he doesn't you need to leave him alone for good. Your situation sounds dangerous, and you need to get out.

Answer 4

Darlin, Here is what you do.    

Pray to god to help your relationship.

Answer 5

This is a serious situation. Your boyfriend needs mental health services and possibly medication and until he fixes himself your relationship will continue to get worse to where he may hurt you. My advise would be to get help for him and if refuses leave him because he is of no use to you until he gets it together.

Answer 6

i know how you feel. my girlfriend said the same thing about me but i didnt realize it was true till i saw you post this. no matter what, he's not going to believe any of your arguemnets, even if you have proof. im speakin this because i too suffer from bipolar disorder. theres nothing you can really do to persuade him, just be there for him always, thats the best thing you can do. but if its hurting you being in this relationship then maybe you should move back home and take a break from it al

Answer 7

Hi.  I have bipolar, so maybe I can explain a little.  If he is very withdrawn with little energy, he probably is severely depressed.  If he is really irritable and/or argumentative, he probably has agitated depression.  If his energy level is high but his mood is dark, then it's probably a mixed state.  In all, he probably is feeling unworthy of you and doesn't want you to see him this way.  Most likely, he's feeling a bit vulnerable since can be hard to think clearly and he might know as much.  As for your safety, depression and even mid-agitated depression shouldn't be much of a concern.  Mixed depression is something you'll have to assess.  If he has no history of violence, then odds are nothing would happen.  These are generalities, btw.  I obviously don't know your bf.  Agitated and mixed are types of depression unique to bipolar since there is some mania present as well as the depression.  Many ppl with bipolar also experience atypical depression - deep gloom, leaden parallysis (body weighs a ton), sleeping excessively, eating a lot to find energy, suicidal ideations.

Trying to confront him about your morning isn't a good idea.  He's apt to be hypersensitive and have a hard time seeing things your way.  Personally, I'd skip that and find a time where he might be receptive to talking about getting help.  That may well not be this evening if he's been stewing all day.  If he is on meds, it's easier since you can and should just flat out say to get his butt into his doctor.  If he's not on meds, then you have some decisions to make for yourself.  You can prod him to see a doc, but if he doesn't want to go, he won't.  That's where decisions for yourself come in.  Ppl with bipolar aren't stable if they aren't committed to medication.  The ups and downs will always be there.  How bad his are, I guess you'll find out if you stay.  Anything more than extremely mild bipolar that is more like cyclothymia is a rough ride for the people around the person.  I personally would not be involved with another person that had the illness unless he was on medication and committed to it.  Once the mood swings start really swinging, it's a roller coaster and clean up job for everyone who's close.

Btw, there is no point arguing.  You will not win no matter how right you may be.  Whether it's lack of perspective or stubborness, if he has any mania going on in there, he will not cede unless he is an exception to the rule.  Say what you are going to say with appropriate conviction (not anger nor ridecule) and then drop it, walk away, end the conversation unless he is conversant as opposed to argumentative.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with this.  Unfortunately, it's not a unique story for unmedicated bipolar.  Medicated and committed to treatment is a very different story... just so you know.  There is potential for a solid relationship, but it's his call on managing his illness.