My boyfriend is going to ask my dad if he can marry me... help?

Question

my boyfriend is going to ask my dad if he can marry me, but he's a bit shy, this past weekend was my dads birthday and we're going to go celebrate it tomorrow & i was thinking that maybe instead of my boyfriend verbally asking, he could make a card and put it in a box and wrap it? what do you think... have any cute non expensive ideas?

Answer 1

i think it would be a little bit silly if your boyfriend cant get up enough courage to ask your dad. i'd say about 99.9% of boyfriends are scared to ask their future spouses fathers if they can have permission to marry their daughter, but if he's scared then maybe you should rethink this? maybe youre too young and should wait awhile. because a real man might be scared, but he knows how important it is to just ask. its not that hard! : ] good luck!  

Answer 2

My husband was very shy also but he did ask.  I think what you are suggesting might be embarrassing for him and your Dad also.  My husband just caught my Dad working on his latest car project and casually talked to him there in the garage in private.  Just recently I found out that my Dad asked him if he was really sure he could put up with me...it's funny now but 10 years ago that would have totally ticked me off!  You probably need to let your boyfriend do the asking in private without you or anyone else around.

Answer 3

No that's a dumb idea, just talk to him even tough he gets nervous he will get over it Good Luck!

Answer 4

I think a card would be a great idea, but it should be given in private so they can talk after he opens it so everyone doesnt see

Answer 5

i think he should ask him privately .. my fiance aske dmy parents while i was upstairs getting ready to go out with him one night. my parents were watching tv. he sat on a chair and i assume he just told them how he feels about me and asked them for their permission to propose.

it sounds like a cute idea to do it on your fathers bday but i just feel like maybe it should be done on a more low key day (even though its just the four of you) and it should be done by just your bf and father or your bf and both your parents... you def shouldnt be there for it, cuz im sure your dad will want to give him the "you better take good care of my daughter" talk.. good luck!

Answer 6

tell him he needs to grow a set and ask him face to face if he wants you

Answer 7

I think that verbally not asking, but doing it in a cute, note-type idea kind of defeats the point of asking.  By not asking and giving into his shyness your boyfriend isn't sending that message "I love your daughter and respect you enough to ask you"  It also shows that he is man enough to respect your father's position in your life.  By flaking out with a card, that's not really showing the respect or maturity the situation deserves.

I think your your boyfriend needs to just man up and have the 5 minute conversation with your father, as intimidating as that might seem.  Your father will respect HIM so much more if he does.  Getting a card or something, that's a way to loose the future father in-laws respect.

My fiance is a shy person too, and he managed to do it, without me knowing, or a pep talk.

If her really wants to marry you, he should prove it to you, and your father that he can have that "scary" conversation

Answer 8

I say grow some balls if he can't be a man and ask your father....he isn't worth marrying!

plus why do you even know hes gonna ask your father I would be so upset if I knew 110% a proposal is coming it messes up everything.

Plus asking at your fathers birthday party isn't a good idea. Thats your dads day not any one elses. He should call him make plans and ask him when its just him and your dad. Ex: go golfing, go have a drink some where, have a mans day and then ask....if giving a card was a "good/cute idea" halmart would have jumped on that had the cards already printed up!

Answer 9

This should be the sole responsibility of your boyfriend; you need to butt out of HOW he goes about it.

It would be like planning how he is going to present the ring to you...do you want to orchestrate that, too?

Answer 10

If your dad is a traditionalist, then it's very important that he ask in person.  Writing a note is too passive and could be interpreted as him not having the strength to stand up to difficult or uncomfortable situations.  Sexist as it is, your dad wants to make sure you marry someone strong who can take care of you, and if he doesn't have the guts to say this face-to-face, it will make him look weak.  Have him role-play the conversation with a friend or two.  It won't go exactly as planned, but at least he'll feel more comfortable getting the words out.

Answer 11

I think a father might respect it more if he asked in person. My fiance lives in WA and my dad lives in AZ and he waited until he was in AZ, in person to ask instead of calling. I personally would want him to ask in person and not through a card. But whatever you want to do is fine.

Answer 12

Didn't that absurd ritual (asking dad to marry his daughter) go out like 50 years ago?

Candy:  I'm already married, and I sure as h**l didn't ask her father for permission.

Candy (and to the droves of people who gave me thumbs down): do you intend to ask his mother if YOU can marry HIM?  If the answer is "no," why not?

Late edit:   I found out that my father did indeed ask his future father-in-law for my mother's hand in marriage  . . . in 1960.

Here's why the whole concept is so ridiculous and out-dated:  In the "old days," a daughter (and a wife for that matter)  was basically the property of her father (or husband).  So a woman getting married - and don't forget people got married alot younger back then -- was basically a transfer of property -- one man was asking for "permission" from another.  Obviously, things are alot different these days, thank God.  Let me ask you something, Kitty.  What if your father says "no?"  Would this prevent you from marrying your fiancee?  If not, then why should he bother anyway?  The two of you should approach both your parents, and with a big smile, tell them you're getting married.  Your dad's birthday is a perfect time to do this.

Sorry if I offended anyone with my response.

Answer 13

That is NOT a good time. It has to be some time when he can go see your parents alone, without you there.

Sheesh, why did he ruin it all by telling you?

Answer 14

I honestly think it is a cute idea given the occasion.  It will catch your dad off guard....good luck and hopefully it is yes's all around!~KH

Answer 15

In order to be polite and proper, your boyfriend needs to speak to your dad quietly and personally. Not in the middle of his birthday party while opening gifts. Being shy is no reason to not verbally ask.  

Answer 16

he is going to ask your dad then he should do it in private and talk to your dad. Your dad will respect him more for coming to him man to man. That way if there is anything your dad wants to say he can.

My husband was SO nervous about talking to my dad but they found something they could do together that way it wasn't akward while he was asking my dad. Then him and my dad had a talk and they have been close ever since!

Think about it but ultimately your boyfriend should decide...he is the one having to talk to your dad. I didn't even know my husband had talked to my dad! They kept it from me.

Answer 17

Umm.... Your boyfriend asking your dad is NOT a present for your dad. It's not just a matter of

BF-- "Hey, can I marry your daughter"

Dad-- "Sure, son!"

A loving father will want to have a discussion with him about whether or not you're really ready, why he wants to marry you, finances, husband/wife responsibilities, etc. If your boyfriend is too afraid to ask your dad, then he is definitely not ready to become a part of your family and be responsible for you for the rest of your life. And this whole thing should be private between your father (maybe even mother) and your boyfriend.  This is something he needs to do-- without you. His mistake was telling you in the first place.... Don't you want to be surprised when he proposes? It's no fun if you expect it. I know it's agonizing waiting, but you really should let him handle this alone.

When my husband asked my dad, he was soooo nervous, but he got over it. I expected it to be as simple as you're describing-- wrong! My parents talked to him for over two hours about everything you could possibly imagine-- How he would support us, when he planned on getting married, where we'd live (state), if he'd make any sacrifices necessary for me to stay in college, what he felt a husband's roles were, etc.

Answer 18

I think that putting the bridal request in writing and giving it as a "gift" would be inappropriate.  

Asking for your hand -- if you're going through with all the tradtionalism -- should be done in private first of all, not at a public event (a party for example).  

The announcement can be made at a party or over dinner, but something that momentous (the engagement announcement that is, not the request)  should not overshadow your father's birthday.  Let him have his day.

Your fiance should just buck-up and ask your father for a private moment and ask him, if that's his intention.  He's got to get over being shy some time...may as well be now!

EDIT: 4, 40, or 400 attendees, the point is that your father's birthday gathering is still inappropriate as a setting for this type of thing.

Answer 19

What is 'polite and proper' about being treated as a piece of property?

You are your own person, why does the man you love have to ask your father for permission?  It is like trading ownership.

Better to jointly announce your intentions to wed and ask for their blessings or good wishes... but certainly not permission.