My boyfriend is invited, but I am not. Is this proper etiquette?

Question

A coworker of ours is getting married. My boyfriend received an invitation addressed only to him. We have been together for a year and live together. The coworker knows both of us. I know the wedding is pretty upscale, however I'm pretty offended. Should I be offended? Is this rude?

Answer 1

I assume he is allowed to bring a guest ie you.  So basically you are worried about not being personally invited?

Hmm maybe not perfect etiquette, but it sounds like a 'get over it' thing to me.

Answer 2

I would suggest both of you stay away.  Who needs to go to a noisy tiresome wedding anyway?  Sounds like a comment on your non-married togetherness.  

Answer 3

Yes, I think it's rude. Your boyfriend shouldn't go to the wedding.

Answer 4

i suggest you send this question to the ask amy column in the newspaper

Answer 5

I can see it being a possibility of the coworker's fiance not really knowing and getting mixed up.  I am a very open person, so if that were bothering me, I'd just ask him (or her).  If they really don't want you there, they'll look uncomfortable.  I have a lot of trouble with people getting uncomfortable because they can't tell the truth.  If he don't like you, then he don't like you.  At least you'll know.

Answer 6

Actually, according to wedding etiquette, this is quite rude. For some reason, a lot of couples these days only invite engaged/married couples to weddings. However, the rule is that if you're going to invite someone who is in a long term, committed relationship (and yes, this includes dating for 1+ year(s) and living together) you should also invite their SO. It sounds to me like this co-worker is trying to cause trouble by doing this. Perhaps your boyfriend should reply "Not Attending" to the RSVP....

Answer 7

Something my father always told me ... if you are a couple then you are automatically invited .. and if anyone has a problem, your boyfriend should speak up .

Answer 8

its rude

Answer 9

Seems more like a popularity contest. Oh well, the marriage probably won't last long anyways.

Answer 10

Hmmm...

I would ask your boyfriend to ask whether or not the invitation is meant to be for both of you. If he is invited but not you, then that is beyond rude. Friends cannot play that game.

What you really need to do if you are not invited is tell your boyfriend how it makes you feel, and how it will make you feel if he goes without you.

The reality is, with all the "bros before hoes" and "chicks before *****", the decision to be with someone you care about means that you put them above and before your friends. When you get married, you are saying that you put that person before your other family members.

At any rate, I'm sure that this is just a misunderstanding. If they had professional invitations drawn up then it's probably just an oversight. Remember that weddings are big things to plan.

You could always just show up drunk and ruin it, but all that revenge stuff is really unbecoming of good people.

Answer 11

You both work at the same business i take? If your boyfriend was invited, it is not out of reach for him to ask if he can bring a guest. At most, this is all he can do. Hopefully the person in question assumed you two would automatically go together but didn't think to put it in writing. If not, then in this case you're just going to have to sit it out unfortunately. Remember, there are a lot of factors that go into weddings, it could be a minor thing that got you excluded. However, this is someone's big day, and most importantly you should be happy for them finding their match. Your boyfriend does not have to attend either, if that would make you feel better. You should be the better person and if your bf decides he won't attend, you can both send them a wedding gift with BOTH your names and give them a nice shot of kindness. (of course you can do this even if he does attend without you and give them a double whammy of kindness ;-)

Answer 12

this is extremely rude. your bf better not go.. it will be rude of him to go with out you. Bc Im sure people will ask where you are and what is he supposed to say? "she wasnt invited?" Of course not!

Answer 13

I would be offended. I think the proper thing would have been to invite you both.  

Answer 14

   It is not proper etiquette.  Your boyfriend should send back the RSVP with a will not be attending response on it.  If the co worker asks him why, then he should tell him that if you aren't invited, then he doesn't attend.  If the co worker doesn't ask, then nothing should be said.

Answer 15

I wasn't invited to the wedding of a friend I had for years. I even told him he should marry his girlfriend. I was offended, but I got over it. I didn't go and I have one less friend.

Answer 16

Yes. Your boyfriend should not attend.

Answer 17

That is against proper etiquette.  Generally the rule is that if a couple has been serious for more than a year, OR lives together, you must invite both of them.  They may not be aware of the proper guidelines so I wouldn't phone them up and yell at them.  Did it by any chance say "Boyfriend and guest"?  They may just assume you would be the only guest he would bring.

Answer 18

maybe she wants to hook someone up w/your man!! j/k  forget her

Answer 19

i'd definitely be offended if i were in your situation. you and your boyfriend are in a committed relationship and are so close as to actually live together, so it's only right to invite both of you. it's very rude of the coworker to only invite him because he personally knows both of you.

Answer 20

yea this is pretty rude... if i was him i wouldnt go just because u wouldnt be able to attend.. =]