My boyfriend is still married but loves me?

Question

Two years ago I reconnected with a man that I dated and loved very much in college. We grew apart and it had been 12 years since we had communicated. When we found each other again, it was apparent that we were re-kindling the love that we used to have. The problem is, he is still married. He has told his wife that he wants a divorce and the problems in their marriage began way before I came along. They are just not divorced yet. We have slept together once and we both have told the other that we are in love. He says that he hasn't gotten the divorce because he is afraid he won't get to see his two young children as much, as well as financial reasons. I am really getting tired of waiting. Is this just a lost cause? I can't bear to think that it is, because he is and has been the only man I loved this much in 14 years. Any advice?

Answer 1

I think that if you push him on the divorce he will back away from you full throttle and you will have your answer.  If he honestly has lived apart from his wife for 2 years chances are their marriage is long dead.  But if he has already decided that, and furthermore he has found you, the one he loves and wants to be with, and it has been two years on and he still hasnt filed.  IN HIS HEART HE IS NOT READY TOO. And you are waiting for a man who will let you down when the crunch comes or when you cant stand only living a half life any longer and want to give this man your full love and committment in a life together.  Please be careful as you also have children.  Im not saying he doesnt love you, just that he cant be ready or really sure he wants divorce otherwise he would have done that in two years.  Especially when he has someone waiting for him who loves him and wants to be with him and he loves too?  If he is on the road alot he may be living a double life with you and his wife.  Please be careful.  Its hard to walk away because you feel u are letting him down and he may be being truly honest with you.  But I feel you may wait your lifetime over and its already been two years.  Good luck x  

Answer 2

i am in the same situation dear. sometimes you feel like you  hit  a blank wall in ur relationship cause it can't go any further till and only till he gets a divorce. That's tough, really tough. cuz all your emotions can be on hold forever and he will never truly be yours. Be supportive still, am sure he's going thru a  lot for you cuz in what he believes your love can do. But still the divorce is needed. ok? tkecare

Answer 3

he wants it all...

Dont be a homewrecker

relationships that start with cheating  usually end in cheating.

Answer 4

If his problems began before you came back into the scene then it would be best to leave him alone and let him deal with those problems.

He may not even have any problems for all you know. He probably has an okay marriage and has kids he loves and is using you for fun. Even if he had real feelings, his wife and kids trump that. If you want to be with him and think he will leave his wife, then leave him and when he divorces he knows how to find you. But I tell you one thing, any parent who remarries, their children come first.

Advice? Stop the s*x, it was the wrong thing to do, and move away from him, otherwise he's getting all his cake.

Oh, and he ceased being your boyfriend when you dated in college and grew apart. He's married now.

Answer 5

Yea i got some advice learn how to respect another woman's marriage and leave her husband alone.

Find your own man preferably single.

You are just something on the side for him nothing more.

If he really loved you he would find a way to divorce his wife to be with you.

Answer 6

That's so sad of you. You need to expand your horizons and allow yourself to grow a little. The guy is just fking you either learn how to just enjoy it and have fun with the affair or get on with your life.

You sound so homely and sorrowful.

Answer 7

as a married woman i am giong to gibe it to you straight okay

i hate females that dates married men and think that its alright , what are you thinking understand that the world is round what goes around comes around and know that its your turn you think you got problems? well its gonna get a whole lot worse trust me , you may not been there when there problems started and this does not make you less innocent just another additional problem that adds onto a marriage - you hev no idea what it takes out of a female being married - not like dating a whole diffrent ball game - get out and stay out untill this guy is divorced then you can put your pores all over him - until then he is not yours deal with it -

Answer 8

RUN!!!  The time you spent apart was very long and it's easy for a man to reconnect with what he is familiar with.  Still, this is just not you and him.  His children are involved and his wife.  They have a stake in this.  Their lives can be destroyed just for your happiness.  Is it worth it to take a father from his kids, just to make you happy?

Also you are only hearing his side.  His wife is still very much married to him.  She obviously still has some feelings.  Consider the time and effort she has put into this relationship.  Is it fair to her?

You have no business in their marriage.  He needs to decide on his own what he will do without influence from you.  It also protects you from being used as a rebound.

Answer 9

He will never leave his wife for you, first off. You are totally dreaming cause it ain't gonna happen. lol

He's using you and has no intentions of leaving his family, so what if hes not living with her, doesn't mean he stopped loving her! Find a single man and quit being a homewrecker, you know girl he has no respect for you. Furthermore you'll be waiting and waiting and waiting......he ain't gonna leave her.

Answer 10

That's a tough situation to be in and I'm really sorry you didn't think before you allowed yourself to regain those feelings. Love is hard to let go of. But have you ever thought that maybe he isn't getting the divorce because he already knows he has you anyway? Distance yourself and see what happens. If he really loves you, he won't be far away.

Answer 11

Why would he stop living the way he lives?

Look at it from the distance, he is not living with her when she is not nice or when she is unbearable. At those moments, you are by his side. Cool!! It couldn't be better!

Then, he sees the kids and plays with them or takes them out, but doesn't have to take care of them or help them or clean them or be with them when they are noisy and impossible. He only enjoys the nice side of the kids. Cool!!

Then, he doesn't have to spend most of his income paying childcare. Of course, he still provides, but that is not that bad because he gives the amount he wants or the products he wants to buy. A judge would force him to give more than half of his check. So, why would he complicate his life and lose his income with a divorce?????

He also has the best part of you. When he sees you you look at your best, you behave beautifully with him, you don't need his money, you don't ask for anything, you receive what he wants to give and are happy with that, no commitments, no uncomfortable situations, no mood changes to bear. If he is not having s*x and is not spending all his time with you, it could be possible he is getting it somewhere else. If he is, and even if he is not, why would he want to change this happy and easy relationship with you????

And beyond all this, since he is "single" now, he is free to go out with friends, drink or do anything he wants when he wants. He is free to do things on his own, enjoy his time alone and have fun.

Now the question is, having a perfect life like this one, why would he want to complicate it, give his money away, be responsible for the children and have the nice and not so nice side of you??

No need!! This life style is wonderful for him. You will have to wait until he gets tired of it if he ever does!

Remember, he was married once. He knows what being married is like. He will not hurry at all to get married again.

He will keep things the way they are for as long as he can. The longer you insist on him changing his lifestyle, the farther he will get from you.

Look at things from the distance. Look at things putting your feelings aside. Love yourself, protect yourself, do what is best for you.

Good luck!

Answer 12

I don't want to seem mean, but move on hun. Find a single man that is willing to be everything to you. Best of luck.