My boyfriend is still unsure about marriage after 2 1/2 years of dating?

Question

i have had the "marriage conversation" with my boyfriend and after 2.5 years of dating he is still unsure about if he wants to get married. i told him that he knows it is important to me, and left it at that. i did not want to pressure him in any way, shape or form. he says he has been feeling the pressure from certain people about this and is just not sure. he is 29 and i am 23; i am not ready just yet either, but i still want to know that we are on the same page and that we are headed in the same direction. just seems like he really doesn't know what to say at this point...

what the h**l should i do?

* please no smart-*** comments, thanks!

Answer 1

I think a lot of couples go through that. I know me and my husband did as well. For 6 months prior to him proposing we had that conversation quite often. It got to the point where I felt we were never going to get anywhere and I thought about giving up. Finally out of the blue one day he proposed and we've been married 3 years now. Give him time, but make sure he knows exactly what you want. You have to put all your cards out.  

Answer 2

Sorry to say this, but a decent man who loves a woman knows if he wants to marry her after 2 years!

Sounds to me like you have been playing house already...In that case, why on earth should he feel like he has to get married?? Really...when men get free s*x and attention, the urgency to get married goes away, since his needs are met.

Everybody is different. Some people get married after playing house; but many do not. I think you are more interested in him than he is in you. Good luck.

Answer 3

You have to be prepared for the fact that you're boyfriend will never want to get married. Not everyone feels it's a necessary step in life, when you have someone who already loves and cares for you. My husband and I dated for 3 1/2 years before he felt he was ready to get married, so sometimes it just takes time. If getting married is a big issue for you, and he still isn't sure about marriage after a few more years, you may have to part ways and find someone that is one the same level of life commitment that you are.

Answer 4

Since you are not wanting to get married, you should not have brought it up.  Hopefully you are not living together.  My gut feeling is he thinks he can do better.

Answer 5

Well, some people still aren't ready after 2.5 years, which could be a good thing. He's probably not ready to be married with responsibilities yet. He probably still wants to experience the world, he's only 29 after all.

29 might seem old, but if you think of it, most people who get married in their 20's these days get divorced. I think he just wants to know that he has a stable relationship before he goes on and gets big time serious.

Instead of asking him about marriage, maybe you should just make sure that you have a steady relationship, and drop hints in a few months.  

Answer 6

That's because he isn't gonna marry YOU. Not trying to sound mean. He is making excuses and will bullsh** you to no end. Your just a person for him to spend time with until the girl of his dreams comes along to marry. If you told him marriage or it's over, he would be gone! Move on or you will be waiting years or until that girl shows up!

Answer 7

Sorry, sweetie, but it may just be that he doesn't want to marry you. Yes, you are young, and yes, you could wait it out. However, I think after 2.5 years together, he should know. He is 29, not a young kid.

I think you should move on. It will hurt, but the right guy is out there for you.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Not being smart, but maybe he doesn't love you the way you love him.  

Answer 9

Truthfully, I think if he says he doesn't know, then he doesn't want to marry you.  I think people either want to marry someone or they don't...no wishy-wash BS, especially after more than 2 years of dating and at 29.

Answer 10

Maybe he's just not sure if he's the marrying kind.  Or maybe he's questioning if you're "the one".  Maybe he's one of those people that needs to be in a relationship for 5, 6, 7 or more years before he can think about getting married.  The absolute worst thing you can do is put pressure on him, which I can see you don't want to do.  Does he know that you're not ready yet either?  Did your marriage conversation include the fact that you're thinking about this in the future and not right now?  Make sure he knows that you're not wanting to get married next week and that you just want to know if he sees the relationship leading to marriage some day.  If he doesn't, then you have a hard decision to make.  I hope it works out for you!

Answer 11

Well its ok to want to know what each others goals are in life. You also need to find out if your time lines are the same. You can have same goals just at different times. Maybe you need to think about all your options and whether you will be able to live with them. If you feel like your wasting your time then move on. Just dont pressure him because he will do it for all the wrong reasons.  

Answer 12

Young people are daft. Why do you want to tie yourself down to one guy already? Can't it wait till you're 30 or 35? What's the big deal? Do you really think you need to get married? It's daft. Have fun. Make a career. Do things. All this drama is just silly. You watch too much TV. Life should be more fun. Follow the 'rules' if you want, but you're just a tool if you do.

Answer 13

Well, if you're not quite ready just yet either than why bother even talking about it?  In my opinion, you should just let it go for now.  I know that's easier said than done, but if you don't want a ring on your finger yet, why not wait until you do before doing something about it?

Bottom line is once you become ready for marriage, if he's not ready and claims he never will be, you will have a decision to make.  How important is marriage to you?  Would you spend the rest of your life with your boyfriend if it meant you would never be able to take your commitment to the level or marriage, or would you prefer to leave him and find someone who would marry you?

When it comes that time, don't give him an ultimatum, just make your decision and go with it.  If you say "propose or I'm going to break up with you" or "if you won't marry me I can't be with you anymore" than I promise you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Good luck!

Answer 14

I've had a few serious relationships, and I can honestly say that I always knew within about 1-2 weeks if I could see a life with them. I still stand that you can pretty much tell right away if its right for you. If your boyfriend is p***y-footing around the marriage topic, I don't think he's invested in your relationship. Don't waste your youth on this guy.

Answer 15

this is a smart comment, get a book called 'why men marry some women and not others, by john molloy, who owes me royalties for the number of times i have recommended his book here on yahoo answers to gals like you.  

i was dumped by a guy  once, and i know what that limbo feeling is like.  so i recommend this book, and i always answer this question because i still remember how hard that time was for me and if this book had been out then, things might have been different.

oh, but then i have to add i eventually married another guy who  loves me completely,  who knew?