My boyfriend of 41/2 yrs cheated on me with my worst enemy,can i get over the visuals & betrayal or can i?

Question

we have a 1 yr old baby together and i really do love him, but it seems like that's all do is ask questions about what they did, and then i replay it over and over....its making me crazy. i just look at him and cry, and i just want to know what could i do to get pass this and move on?

Answer 1

No you may think you can and want to, but it never really goes away. Even in years to come, things are said or done and it flashes back in your head. Just leave now while you still have sanity. good luck sweetie.

Answer 2

If you choose to stay it's going to take a lot of time. You will never forget, but it does get easier and the thoughts will come less and less. If it were me though....I'd dump him.

Answer 3

Dump the dawg!!  You or that baby sure don't need that in your life.

I really want to stress how important it will be too, to get counseling before entering another relationship, or you'll just be dragging bad voodoo to the next one.

Answer 4

sweetie there are more fish in the sea :)

he's not worth it.

Answer 5

I don't know that I would want to get over it. Cheating is a very big thing. I think that the only think I would get over is HIM... I have never had anyone cheat on me, or not that I know of. But you can do better than that. You deserve someone that you can trust and respect, and he has ruined that for you. You will never be able to forgive him or her. That will always be in the back of your head. If he is late coming home from work, you will wonder where was he? Was he with her? You don't deserve to live like that. I think that God is telling you something. Move on. If he loved you or cared remotely for your feelings he would have not done that to you. I don't feel anyway. Pick yourself up and move on. I am sure you will be glad in a year that you did.  

Answer 6

you need to leave this loser and move on....

Answer 7

It can only pass if you forgive him. If you can`t forgive him, then you will always hate him and be miserable. Why do you want to hang with a cheater anyways? Your worst enemy initiated it, what do you think?

Answer 8

Either dump his cheating azz or knock him out with a shovel and bury him under your porch.

Those are your only real options that will prove satisfying.

Answer 9

You can get a backbone and leave this jerk or get use to sharing your boyfriend with your enemies/women.

Answer 10

if you can't stop thinking about it then you have not fully forgiven him.  it's hard i know.  been there.  leave him for your own sanity.  

Answer 11

Who cares if it was your worst enemy or not. You may love him but obviously he has serious issues. You are better then this get out while your baby is still young and you have a chance to yield him/her from the bs.

Good luck  

Answer 12

You never will.  I went through this with my daughters father.  And he went back with the keniving biznitch every time he had a chance.  Mama always said, Once a cheater always a cheater.  She was smart and you should too honey.  I have a 5 yr from him and do not stick around for the baby.  You need to be happy too.  But I would have to agree with Valerie the porch is not a bad idea.!!!

Answer 13

simple MOVE ON WITH THE LYING CHEAT

end of story!

YOU' are causing your own problems by staying with him, once a cheater always a cheater!!!

Answer 14

I felt the same way when my ex husband cheated on me. I forgave him but I could not forget.  I kept thinking about his hands on her and all the other things they did.

I divorced him, started dating a year later and met a great guy.  We dated 7 years before I married him. My choice.  I wasn't in a hurry because I got married young, had 2 children I was raising and needed some space to find out who I was before getting seriously involved again.

If you can't get over this it is time to let go and move on.  I know you have a baby together  and you love him but every time he is late, the phone rings , you answer it and they hang up on you, or he even glances at another woman you will wonder if he is doing it again.

Just to let you know, I did forgive my husband , took him back and he did it again.  I was with him 18 years.  Leave now !   It may be hard but believe me the longer you stay the harder it is.

Best of luck.  

Answer 15

Once your cheated on you will most likely never get over it. Trust me

Answer 16

you are in a rough boat sweetie. you have to decide whether he is the right father for your baby. if he can't be trusted, how can he be a good dad? getting past something like that is hard. talk to a close girlfriend about it, and anyone else you trust. good luck.

Answer 17

I've been through almost this exact same situation. Only it was my husband, of 3+ years. I got every nasty detail out of him, thinking it would make me feel better knowing what happened. I was wrong. Every minute of every day, I couldn't stop visualizing him and that home-wrecker. I cried all the time. Even right in front of total strangers. But I decided I wasn't giving up on him. Not yet. It took a long time, but the pain lessened. It's not gone, and I don't think it ever will be. And believe it or not, it gets worse before it gets better. I don't forgive him, and I will never forget, all I could do was try to move passed it. And it's got to the point where I don't think of it everyday. Sometimes not for a week straight. It took about 8 months to get to that point, so it does take time. You just have to decide whether or not you want to stay. And no matter what you choose, if you decide later on that you really can't deal with it, you can always leave.

My husband and I just had our 4 year anniversary last month, are doing better than we ever have been, are moving far away from here soon, and starting couples theropy. There is always hope.

I wish you the best of luck, and my heart gos out to you and your baby. Keep your head up, you are stronger than you might think =)

Answer 18

What you're attempting to do by re-thinking & visualizing over & over again is to come to terms with it.  You're trying to come to some sort of resolution in your mind so you can move forward but that's not working.  Fact is that unless you're willing to let it go you never will.  You're torturing yourself.  You need to try & block the thoughts at least a little.  When it pops up in your mind again just shake it off.  You're allowing yourself to go there really deeply whenever you want.  All you're doing is keeping it present as if it just happened today.  How can anybody get over that if everyday they feel it's happening again?  You really need to look at the bigger picture & make a decision one way or the other.  Do you want to move on or do you want to live in the past?  Which will be better for you & for your child?  Decide & commit to it.

Answer 19

Its up to you to either move on or dump him... I hate it when someone holds something i did over my head and makes me feel bad long after the fact.  

Answer 20

You can get past this.. you have to make a conscience choice to...but you NEVER forget..It is only natural to know what they did and replay it over and over in your mind....but it won't change what happened by knowing the gory details....

Answer 21

I'm sorry to say that the pain never does really go away. And its very hard to regain the trust that was lost. You know in your heart what you have to do.  It seems he has no respect for.  I get the impression that you are still fairly young.  Ask yourself this, " is this the person you really want to spend the rest of your life with?  is this the man you want to raise your child?  You deserve better.