My boyfriend of five years put his jacket around a friend's wife shoulders while we were at a party.

Question

After awhile he fluffed her hair around and made comments to another friend's wife because he liked the low-cut blouse she had on. I am 48 years old and he is 46. We are both divorced and have been seeing each other for five years. These women are wives of some of his co-workers. This was done directly in front of me at a party this past Friday night. What would you think? I feel hurt and offended. Am I nuts? Your input please.

Answer 1

No, husbands around? I call that inappropriate behavior.

Answer 2

That is not appropriate at all. The husband should have offered his wife his own jacket. It sounds like this is the behavior that caused for his divorce in the first place.

Dear, you should find yourself a man that treats you with the upmost respect. I would not tolerate that behavior from any man.  

Answer 3

No you are not nuts.  If you are serious about this guy, and really want a long-term relationship with him, I would suggest you have a talk with him about flirting with other mens' wife right in your face. Or with anybody for that matter. If he continues to do so, you need to just let him go. He will cause you nothing but heartache. Find someone else that is more considerate of your feelings.

Answer 4

Tell him it made you feel uncomfortable and how would he like it if you fawned all over one the guys at the party.

Next time wear a low cut blouse and flirt with Bill in accounting...he's hot!

Answer 5

what gets me is that you have been with hm for 5 years and never had this problem before..that's the way it sounds from your question..so maybe he truly was just trying to be nice BUT if something bothers you don't play little games back and forth that will only make it worse sit down and talk about it like adults and let him know how you feel.

Answer 6

Your not nuts. I would think that he is cheating on me and break up with him.

Answer 7

i think i agree most with "don w" (above)...him lending his jacket to another woman is fine. i wouldn't mind it if my husband did this. it might bother me just a little bit because what if i get cold...BUT it's the gentlemanly thing to do.

him fluffing another woman's hair and making comments about yet another woman's low-cut blouse is entirely inappropriate. it doesn't matter if he was under the influence of alcohol or not.

i would sit him down and explain to him how his actions were offensive to you and just plain embarrassing. i'm sure that you were not the only one at that party who thought his behavior was strange.

Answer 8

I'm quite shocked at how others have reacted to this question. I have been with my partners for 5 years also, and while I wouldn't appreciate him openly flirting with other women, or giving them the 'eye', I also understand that he is only human, and it is perfectly normal for him to want to talk to other women. As for 'fluffing her hair', I wouldn't be happy with that at all, but the best way to handle this is to talk to him about it. Only you know how he really feels about you. And if this kind of behaviour makes you feel uncomfortable and upset, then you must tell him. I don't think you should be ignoring him for a few days, and certainly don't finish with him!! Talking is the key, and is the reason why so many couples spend their lives arguing - because they havn't really gotten to know each others feelings on certain things. I hope this helps, and remember to always do what's in your heart. Good luck :-)  

Answer 9

I think your BF needs a reality check. Im sure if u did something like this he would be furious. In my opinion he needs to get some more respect for u and u need to have a talk with him about trust. I bet u are a good woman and he was totally wrong for doing this to u. Give him the cold shoulder for a few days then tell him if he ever does this again he can go be with her. JMO ................make him be sorry he even looked at her the wrong way!!!!!!!!!

Answer 10

simply put... he has no respect for you.

that is the same thing as you taking a cloth napkin out of your purse and cleaning a stain on his male friend's pants right in front of him and then commenting on how you like how snug they are on him and if he got them from "Banana Republic"...

no difference.. see how insulted he would be.

sometimes people like that need a dose of their own medicine.

sorry this happened to you.

Answer 11

He would get an *** beating as soon as he got home!!!!

Answer 12

I think you are over reacting.  I think you are feeling jealous not nuts.  However being jealous can drive you nuts.  I dont think this is something you should even give another thought about.  After 5 years with your BF you should know him well enough to know if this is his typical behavior.  Get over it or you will be only hurting yourself. Jealousy is an ugly emotion.

Answer 13

You would think after five years, you might be a little more secure. You are going to run him off acting jealous over something as petty as this. Pick your battles, maam.This is not one.

Answer 14

You need to tell him how you feel and SOON.

Answer 15

He was doing some mild flirting.  It's unclear if there's anything more serious behind it.  Probably not, but you're correct to be upset.  Not so much about the jacket, particularly if the woman was cold, but fussing with her hair was definitely inappropriate.  

I don't know the full story of your relationship, but is it possible that he was trying to make you a bit jealous?  

Answer 16

well, i would think that this action probably involved some drinking, so i would think that it was the liquor talking.  i think it was a bit disrespectful on his part.  i would probably be thinking that the relationship might be in need of a tune up.  try this.  think of the relationship as a row boat with both of you in it.  now think, if i stop rowing, will the boat still move forward, will he/she row when i stop?  it the answer is no, then get out now.

Answer 17

It sounds like you are taking the relationship more seriously than he is.  Men are NOT supposed to fluff other men's wives hair or put their jacket around the wife.  I wouldn't call you paranoid.  I would call him a pig.  I know you have invested 5 years in this relationship, but do you want to invest another 5 more having to watch his every move?