My boyfriend says he is going to break up with me if I don't stop self-harming...

Question

...obviously I don't want to be doing this to myself and I really was doing very well (3 months without a single scratch) until some stuff came up a few days ago and I did it again. I've tried to explain how hard it is to stop and how I really was trying but he just doesn't understand it and doesn't understand that I really have been trying. Him threatening to leave me if I do it again is the worst thing he could say and makes me want to do it more, I do it when I feel I'm not in control and his threats are taking control from me, its hard for me to explain but I hope you can understand what it is I'm trying to say

Answer 1

It is hard to deal with intense emotions when someone is threatening to break up.  When I felt suicidal my BF threatened to break up with me.  He just did not understand.  The best thing you can do is get some help.  A psychiatrist is a big help.  They have helped me a great deal.  I now feel better and have the support I need.  A psychiatrist and Counsellor in combination can really help.  You have the right to feel better.

Here is a site that has good information on mental health

http://www.nami.org

I hope you get to feeling better soon.

Answer 2

What your trying to say is that you feel really hurt inside and that your yelling for help but no one comes running. You really shouldn't cut yourself because whats going to happen if you get it right one day and you end up passing on into a new life? What i think you should do is get into a program were you can actually get help and tell them how you feel. Your boyfriend is odviously not trying to understand the best thing to do is check into a rehab and get a boyfriend that will actually understand the situation you are in and get a boyfriend that will support you in the long run and that will be there for you when you need him there.

Answer 3

I think you should break up with him.. He obviously doesnt have the time to help you and support you, and all  he is doing is making you feel worse.

Answer 4

He has every right to leave you if you are violent like that.   And to blame him for his threats to leave, so you do it some more, is your fault, not his.

You need to go for counseling on this, and see the right kind of doctor.  This is very serious.  Stop putting this on him and go get the help you need.   It is also not your fault, but an illness you need to get fixed.

Answer 5

the honest truth is, as strangers, there is nothing we can do over the internet.  TELL HIM!!! exactly what you just said, tell him that. if he doesn't understand, you don't need that a*****e anyways.  That's how you take control.

Answer 6

First of all the people on here who say you are doing it for attention or say that you should just stop are complete idiots. I totally understand where you are coming from. Maybe you should tell your bf what you just told us. Have you tried explaining it to him. I don't know. IM me maybe I can help you feel better. Either way I hope things get better.

Answer 7

i was a part of this kind of relationship before and this seems exactly like it. i shouldve left her. she always hurt herself and i threatened to leave if she didnt stop and she said it was the worst thing and blah blah blah what you said. as time went by and watching her do it, she began to hurt me and abuse me using more than words (beatings etc.) so good for him, he should leave before you turn the knife on him. psycho

Answer 8

Stop trying to get attention but hurting yourself because as you now know, attention doesn't always get you somewhere good!

Answer 9

well hes not really a nice guy then. He should stay and help you through it, not just leave

Answer 10

well listen frend i believ that if ur boyfriend cant undestand thw way u fell about him and that u need him in this tim eof need.I guess you should just go ur own way .Or just sit down and talk to him with no strings attached tell him how hard it is>no man should ever threaten ur relationship .and u need to get a hold of ur self try to think the ways u can help ur self ny not makin all these things get the best of u .

Answer 11

how would you feel if he was harming himself and you cared about him?  

Answer 12

Stop cutting yourself, it's not worth it at all. It doesn't do anything for you. I swear that's the honest to god truth

Answer 13

Well, can't you see that your cutting hurts him as well? It's very hard to take. You need to realize that if people threaten to abandon you because of your behaviour, continuing that behaviour ensures that they will. Cutting may make you feel better for a time, but in the end it is self-defeating.

    You need to see a dr about this. NOW.

     You cannot expect people to understand why you do this; but you surely must know that it will eventually drive people away.

     I know - I used to self-harm myself. Therapy helped a lot.

     Good luck :)

Answer 14

Ask him to support you while you get medical attention. Then check yourself into a hospital regardless of his answer. You need help. Get it.

Answer 15

first of all i think you are being ridiculous and obviously you don't care for him if you cant even care for yourself STOP it and you will be much happier!

Answer 16

He probably doesnt want to see you hurt urself think about it would u like to see him hurt hisself.tell him ur sorry but its not as easy as it might seem.But remeber everytime you hurt your self u`r hurting him too.

Answer 17

stop listening to emo music.

Answer 18

Why don't you tell your parents that you cut and get some real help.  That would benefit you a lot.  It would help your bf know that you are serious about it.  It is the responsible thing to do, too.  You have a serious problem.  Pretending like you don't or that you can control it on your own is fooling yourself like an alcoholic fools himself on just having one or two drinks.

Answer 19

First you have to realize that every answer someone gives, you won't like.

That being said, you need to talk to a therapist. Self harm is usually a mental disorder that can only be cured with therapy (lots) and sometimes some medication (that the therapist would prescribe).

That being said, this is not a good place for medical advice. :P

Answer 20

You have to understand that what you are doing to yourself is not easy for him to accept because it hurts him. I think you need to see a counselor, possibly even with your boyfriend. It'll help the both of you, and you can learn how to be a healthier individual.  

Answer 21

Very few people have the education and compassion necessary to handle your telling them this kind of information and still treat you with the kindness and respect that you deserve (as you can see by some of the reponses). People are right, that this is a condition that requires treatment. Please consider seeing a psychiatrist for this. This can be hard to treat, but it can be treated with lots of hard work and commitment. Once you focus on getting yourself better, it will matter a lot less what he wants to do or how he reacts to you. He is not trying to make you feel bad by telling you about his own limitations, he is simply saying that this is more than he can handle, and that he is nearing his breaking point. In other words, believe him. But don't be mad at him or try to punish him for telling you the truth. Take care of yourself. (I know--that's so hard to do, isn't it, but try)

Answer 22

I know it's hard for you, but you can't expect him to know how you feel/what you're feeling because it's an irrational thing to do. I'm not saying his threats are justified, but you have to understand that mentally it's very hard on him too. You just have to talk to him and try tell him how you feel about it and try to get him to understand that you're doing your best.

Answer 23

Tell him how hard stuff is in your life. Instead of cutting, try calling him up and telling him that you feel like cutting but aren't going to and you would rather talk to him about your feelings. This is what you need to do anyways, you need to talk to someone. Don't take things that happen in your life out on yourself, you did nothing wrong, hurting yourself is only going to cause more hate and pain in your life. The scars will remind you of the bad times, when you could just talk to people. Tell him you need someone to talk to when times are hard and I bet he will be more than happy to talk to you. He is only worried about you, and he probably didn't realize how much it hurt you when he threatened you, he just figured it was the only way to stop you from harming yourself.  

Answer 24

hes just trying to protect you. he feels the only way he can make u stop is by threatening that hes gonna leave you..

Answer 25

break up with him and spend some time figuring yourself out. Go see some proffessional help, talk to someone. You're not alone there are millions out there who do the same, but see someone before you do any perminant damage. He may not understand but there is someone out there who will. If she can hang on while you get yourself better he's worth keeping and if not then he's not...