My boyfriend seems mad that we don't do anything sexual.

Question

we've been together for a little over a year. and, we were talking the other day about "stuff"

and he said "i dont get it? i'm your boyfriend, we've been together for over a year, but yet you still dont do anything"

its not that i dont want to, it's that i'm scared.

because in my childhood i was molested and i've told him about this before.

but he still seems frustrated that i dont do anything with him.

what should i do?

Answer 1

if your boyfriend only wants s*x from you, you probably should stop seeing him. im a guy too, and i know its just how we are wired, but i dont try to push my girlfriend into it. its good that you aren't giving in to him. if a relationship starts out as just one bc you think each are "hot" then he would expect some "stuff". as long as you have a real relationship, relationship, then dont give in and it hopefully will work out  

Answer 2

you may feel pressured, but don't give into it. he should be more a "man" and realize that it could take longer than a year, and if that's all he's thinking about, then he's not thinking of you or the two of you. even if it hurts your or his feelings, i would tell him that waiting is the most important,and if he gives you an ultimatum, dump him. you are 16, you don't have to feel tied to one person now. have fun. lots more to do than have s*x, trust me.

besides, i got pregnant at 16, so even if it's your first time, you could get pregnant, with or w/out a codom no matter what line he gives you

Answer 3

first of all, im so sorry about what happened in your childhood. second, you really need to sit down with him and tell him that basically, if he cant respect the fact that you want to take it slow because youre scared after being freaking TRAMATIZED from your childhood, then really why is he around? tell him what youre scared of, if hes going to leave you after or keep going after you say no, whatever it is. really, this is a super sensitive topic and if he cant respect your wishes then you have to dump the ***. also, 16 is a little young for sexual things anyway, but thats the choice up to you.

Answer 4

Men are there to respect, protect & care about women! If he's mad then it means he doesn't respect you. It's not about being scared or anything else. It's about respecting each other decisions! No matter how old you both are, he should understand why you don't want it. Listen girl, a relationship is not based on s*x only. s*x are for those who are ready to "do" it. Forcing you means he's only about having s*x!! If I were u, I would break it up. It's these kind of men who want to detroy women's reputation, by considering them as 's*x symbols". Women are way more than that. Believe in yourself and do what's good!  

Answer 5

thats a typical boy fro you please dont le him rush u inot things u dont want to u will regret it and i dont wanna see another girl hurt by stupid boys y dont u rethink ur relationship because a true boyfriend u truely loves nd cares for u wouldnt get mad and frustrated over that go find a good christian boy and btw if you think one year is long and u dont wanna give it up well its highly ur not gunaa marry him and ur just gunna waste your time

Answer 6

i would suggest you dump him. he'll use your "not wanting to" as an excuse for cheating later

if you dont want to then you dont want to

i've been here before i felt uncomfortable with a guy touching me so much i hated him.

You'll find a guy you're comfortable with eventually so dont worry

Answer 7

just tell him no! you don't have to do anything you don't want to... and you don't have to explain yourself. tell him it's your body and your choice, if he says he'll break up with you unless you have s*x with him... you know what to say, goodbye. he obviously doesn't care for you if he's not willing to wait.  

Answer 8

You need to get some counseling, it's the only way you will get over this.  No guy is going to want to wait that long.  Unless you find a guy that is asexual, they have dating websites for asexual people if you really can't get over it. Good luck, hope you can get the help you need.

Answer 9

Don't worry about it. If he doesn't want to be patient and supportive, then ditch him. Your body is WAY more important than his pleasure. Plus, you need to wait until you're an age where doing sexual things is OK. There is NOTHING wrong with waiting. If you don't want to do those sorts of things, you'll find out what the guys you date are really like -- whether they respect you or are just waiting to feel good.

Be strong and know that you are a gift.

Answer 10

Maybe you should tell him that if he really loves you, he'll wait until your married. Tell him you're not the type of girl who will just sleep with someone to make them happy, and you're better than that. Don't let him tell you off like that! Tell him if he really loved you, he would be more understanding of your wishes.  

Answer 11

Have you ever had counseling for the molestation? Even if you have sometimes you need a little refresher for your own self esteem.  Molestation can kill self esteem if you let it.

You need to be prepared to have a healthy sexual relationship someday -  but 16 is too early.

If he loves you he will support you in getting help and will be patient with you until you are ready.

Answer 12

(this is assuming you an adult and not some little kid)

So when you close your eyes you see whoever molested you?  Either get professional help or get yourself right in the head.  Your going to be the lonley cat girl that nobody wants to touch with too much "baggage" before long.  If you like the guy get to it.  

Answer 13

well hes not gonna molest you..if he has been nice enough not to mention it many times before..then clearly he cares about you..but consider he has needs too..he could just as easily as many men do, run off and be with another girl on the side..but hes staying with you and being supportive..and for a whole year!..you should trust that hes not going to hurt you, and tbh if you do it with him, then more and more your memories will be replaced and you will now associate s*x with being with your boyfriend, and not what happened in the past..if hes a trusty guy, then trust him enough, and be nice. tell him that you've never done it and you want to take it slow..do it protected and in a safe environment..put on some relaxing music..youll enjoy it.

Answer 14

if you love him and trust him then you shouldent be scared. but if he loves you he would be understanding. not saying he shouldent want any but he should be more grateful for what he does get. my gf is in exactly the same situation as u and im the same situation as your bf. im just doin my best to understand and respect her  

Answer 15

GET RID OF HIM !!!!!!!!! Dont do anything your going to regrete. Do not let the presure get to you, doys have all kinds of line to get the girl to do what they want them to do. If you dont someone else will- If you love me you will, I have needs I"m a man. Listen DONT FALL FOR IT

YOU HAVE TIME DONT RUSH. I PROMISE YOU, YOU WILL REGRET IT.

Answer 16

Honestly, he's a guy. Guys want to do things like that.

If you're scared because of what happened to you, maybe you should trust him if you truly love him.

That brings up the question, Do you love him? If you do, I think you should talk to him again about it and try to get him to understand.

Answer 17

Educate yourself on the effects of childhood sexual abuse and get help. I personally think 16 is much too young to understand the ramifications of sexual acitivty, but that is just my opinion.

Your bigger issue is dealing with your sexual abuse so that you can funcation in a healthy loving relationship when you become an adult.

Take the time now to work on your self, it's your right.

Answer 18

If he's just trying to "get to you" in ways that you're not comfortable with, then maybe he just isn't worth it.

He needs to know that you need time.

And if he isn't willing to wait, then he isn't for you.

Answer 19

In my personal opinion, you're too young to be having s*x, anyway. Also, if he really cares about you/loves you, he should understand and be more considerate, and will wait until YOU are ready. Don't let him pressure you into anything.  

Answer 20

Well if you already explained to him about you being molested as a child then he shouldn't even be trying to pressure you about the issue. If he really loves your or even cares about you at all he wouldn't mind waiting especially since you went through that as a child. You should talk to him and tell him that your are a little afraid and you aren't ready yet and if he cares he would respect that and if he doesn't then he's a jerk and you don't need to be w/ him. But definitely don't let him talk or pressure you into anything you are uncomfortable w/ or not ready for  yet.

Oh your 16?? You guys shouldn't even be thinking about s*x at this point. That's a definite no..you should really wait for sure.

Answer 21

If he's frustrated and this is the cause it maybe not so not worth it. Part of you being scared, is that your not ready then. He needs to know that, and he needs to respect that. If he pulls that you'd do it if you love me c**p, tell him that if you love me then you won't make me do it. That's pretty much what I have to say, your scared, so you probably aren't ready, plus your past isn't helping you at all either. Plus, your 16, you don't need to do anything sexual. Your young, save it for later. You only go as far as you want, as you feel safe doing. If he wants to go farther than you, that's his problem.

Answer 22

If you already told him about being molested as a kid than he should not be presuring you. If he seems mad than let him know your scared and if he can not understand or care than he is not someone you want to be with. He should be more respectful to you.

Answer 23

break up with him.He totally doesn't understand you and doesnt care about what you have to say.And sweetie,Dont Ever force yourself into s*x or something .Tell him no and hif he gets mad,Break up with him cause it looks like he cares about your body yet not about you.

=]

thats pretty sad you know.

Best of Luck.

Betta be a virgin loll

=]

Answer 24

Look hun

he knows the deal about your past

if he truly cared about you

then he would respect your wishes

and not pressure you into something your

not ready to do..

wait until your ready and dont do it

just to please some guy

do whats right for you

when your ready the time it will feel right..=)

Good luck =)

Answer 25

I'm very sorry that you that happen to you as a child.  Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk!  I'm sorry but he's not very understanding. Even if you hadn't been molested and didn't feel ready to be sexual, you shouldn't feel pressured.  First of all, you really need to talk to someone about what happened and learn to trust men again.  If you don't do this then you're never going to be able to enjoy s*x even if you are in a loving relationship.  A therapist can really help you.  Don't mess around or have s*x with your boyfriend unless you truly want to and are not scared.  You have to discuss this all with a therapist.  Do your parents know what happened?  I'm assuming that they do.  Tell them that you feel like you need to talk to someone about it.  If you are afraid to do that what about your school guidance counsler?  You have to talk to someone!   Good luck!   What that person did to you as a child was horrible but you shouldn't let them ruin your life.  You will learn to trust guys again and when the time is right, you will have great sexual experiences with someone who truly loves you, respects you, and LISTENS to you!  You are worth it.  If you decide to have s*x, remember to use protection (I had to say it, sorry!).  GOOD LUCK!

Answer 26

You first need to get counseling you can't expect for someone to be with you for years and not be sexual.  Making love is a big part of a relationship and he seems like a great boyfriend to stick with you even after a year.  You need to face your fears, get counseling he loves you...and i'm sure will help you get through this.  It will b eokay  

Answer 27

Girlygirl if you are feeling any uncertainty than you are certainly not ready, willing and able.  Your male friend should be responsible enough to recognize this.  A lot of it also depends on your age and how experienced you both are.  Whatever, please do not allow yourself to feel like you are being pressured or coaxed into doing something that isn't natural.

Answer 28

well, just make sure you talk to him about it first.. Then if you've explained to him a million times(like you usually have to do with guys) that ur scared and he acts like a dic and still doesnt get it then dump his sorry ***..  Boys always act like that.. We just have to be patient.. But if you really luv him and you believe that he luvs you then trust him for as long as you can and i'm sure he will come around soon.. Good luck..

I'm only 13 but ive been through this with my sister, she's 16 to and she went through the same thing.. She was patient and he got the picture soon enough..

Answer 29

im sorry for wat happend when you were a child . maybe you should see a therapist or something to tak about this with . If worse comes to worse cry in front of him i promise he'l feel bad and wait a little longer .

you still have to over come what has happend in the past .

you are strong, you can do it . good luck :)

Answer 30

wow. if he can't seem to understand how scared you are then it doesn't sound like he loves you or respects your body. if he really cares about you, he'll wait until you're ready. that's something no child should go through and if he can't understand why it scares you, then maybe having a relationship with him isn't in your best interests. after all, you want a guy who loves you and cares about you. not one who just wants to get some all the time.

Answer 31

ok this guy obviously doesnt care enough about you to be sensitive to your feelings and reservations. a guy that loves you NEVER pressures you into anything you dont want to do, especially considering your circumstances. you should move on from this guy and find one who really cares about you and places you before himself