My boyfriend wants a kid but I dont?

Question

I know for a fact that I dont want kids, not because of the pregnancy or anything related to that, I just dont want to raise or have to give attention to them and I know this wont change, theres no part of me that wants it. My boyfriend however has always wanted a kid and talks about it. I wasnt going to mention it but then just decided to get it over with and told him that I dont want kids and thats not going to change. He said thats fine, whatever makes you happy. But even after that he's mentioned kids a few times like--we could name our daughter this; we could adopt, etc. Its not like I havent been clear, I've made it very clear I dont want kids. Do you think this will be an issue down the road if we get married even though I mentioned it early on?

Answer 1

Dont get married if he wants em and you dont

Answer 2

Seems like he really wants kids. Yes, this may an issue...you both seem to disagree, but you have to work out an agreement.

Answer 3

Well .. like how old are you? Your opinion could change. Things like that do change. My wife and I had a big plan to do this and that.. travel and so on... the last thing on our minds 21 years ago was to have children.... and then it just happened. The eldest is 20. We weren't ready for it... but weve been great parents even if I do say so myself!

Anyway... your dude is off on the wrong foot to begin with. He needs to be in sync with you on this issue or it will end in a torturous relationship and heated division.

Answer 4

You are the woman I have been looking for all these years.

Answer 5

Yes, unfortunately, this will definitely be an issue in your relationship.

He has always wanted to be a parent and you never have. You shouldn't have kids just because you feel guilty (that would ruin your life, the kid's, and your boyfriend's life). The desire to be a parent is usually there or it isn't. Sometimes it can grow, but if you want kids, you will always want them. If you aren't at all interested, you might never want them.

You need to sit him down and be very honest with him about this. Say something to the effect of, "I know that you've been talking about kids a lot recently, but I have to tell you something. I'm saying this because I don't want it to be an issue in the future.  I know that I don't want to be a parent. I also know that my point of view isn't going to change over time. You want to be a father, and that's great. However, I have no desire to be a mother. So, if there might be a future here, I need you to know that kids won't be in it. Sorry if I've disappointed you, but this is how I feel about it."

He needs to know how you feel now so there aren't more problems later.

Good luck and I wish you all the best.

Answer 6

Yes. It seems he is under the impression, that once married you will have a change of heart. Men sometimes feel that all women want to be married and have children. You need to put this in writing so he can see the ink. If he is really serious about wanting kids, this could change the dynamics of your relationship. cards out on the table is alwaysbest.  

Answer 7

Tell him to go ahead and have as many as he likes...

I am sure he could find a woman who likes children.  I know for a fact that people who claim not to like children end up changing their minds once they get over themselves.

I was one, I have been mr. mom for nearly 17 years out of a 25 year relationship (23 married).