My boyfriend wants me to play D&D....?

Question

For those of you who play D&D (Dungeons & Dragons) please don't get mad. I always thought the only people who play D&D are nerdy teenagers who couldn't get a date if they were the last fella on earth, who have no other interests other than role playing games and other equally nerdy things.

With that being said... my boyfriend is amazing. He doesn't look or act like your typical "nerd" though he is ridiculously smart and he loves to play D&D every Monday with his friends. By the way, he's 28 so he's definitely not a nerdy teenager. ;o) He really really wants me to give D&D a chance and try playing it. I really don't think it seems like the kind of thing I would be in to. I've sat in and watched him and his friends play before, and I can't help but sit there thinking "oh my god, how stupid" the whole time.

I'm trying to keep an open mind, I really want to give it a shot because it means so much to him, I'm just stuck in this state of mind that I'm going to hate it and feel ridiculous playing it. Does anyone have any words of advice or things they can tell me that will make the game seem more appealing?

Thanks!

Answer 1

First as to age. I didn't start roleplaying until I was 45. I'm now 57 and I'm not the oldest one in the games I run or play in. If it bothers you to think "games are childish", consider that types of roleplaying are used by corporations and the military for training, or just think of it as stress relief, method acting or an outlet for creative talents - it is all of that. In my years, I've probably played every rule system. Some are closer to reality than others. D20 or D&D probably haveing the least to do with reality. I use Harnmaster, which is high in realism and generally attracts more mature or experienced players. I also use Traveller which is as old or older than D&D.

Cheers, Dennis

Game Master, Kaldor in Flames

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Answer 2

Well, I normally would say to simply not do it since you think D&D is stupid and you don't seem like you'll like it a lot, but since he really wants you to play, you should at least try it once. I love D&D too like your boyfriend, and you might like it as well and not know it yet, so just try it and see for yourself :)

Answer 3

To the point of nerds playing D&D: I'd point out another group of folks who I commonly run into playing D&D - actors/actresses.  People who did the school plays in high school, or community theater as adults, also seem to enjoy the game.  Role playing is a type of impromptu acting, and a way for them to have fun.  My own wife is that type - marching band/chorus and theater club back in high school - now plays D&D with me all the time.

But if you aren't into fantasy/science fiction, or acting, I can imagine it is hard to see the point to it.  A couple things that might help you get in a mind for it - watch some big budget fantasy/sci-fi movies, like the Lord of the Rings, or Mummy movies.  Since you'll be playing characters similar to the heroes of those movies, it might help you get the feel of the game.  Another way might be to try some of the more "advanced" board games/card games out there: like Settlers of Catan, Magic the Gathering or Talisman.  There's no role playing involved, but it could help get you into the gaming style, complicated rules, and actual settings.

In the end, you may just find out you don't enjoy it, but as long as you give an honest effort, I think you'll have done something very kind for your husband.  I think we all like to share our hobbies and interests with our spouses, whenever we can.

Answer 4

Play videao games nerds love vieo games

Answer 5

Have you watched the game in action? Do you relate to any of the things going on in the game? Some games of D&D are about cutting up and playing "pretend" and others are more strategic. Whatever style your BF's group plays you may want to consider if you would have fun with that sort of thing.

But whatever you do, if you do play, just remember that this is "pretend". Your BF might be completely different in the game than he is in real life. There are things he will do or say in the game that he would never do in real life. If those things offend you, you might want to back out of the game before it goes too far.

Answer 6

I started playing DND 25 years ago. I am a divorced, remarried mother of 2. I am anything but a nerdy teenager. I started both of my kids playing when they were young. It helps them with reading, writing, math and history.  You do not see very many dumb gamers.

Having just returned from GenCon, the Holy Grail of gaming, the tides are changing. There are still the nerdy teens but there were more women and families visible than ever before.

Play DND if you want to use your imagination but not just to be the gamer's girlfriend. If he wants you to participate and you aren't interested in the game, try helping find source materials, good books or other information for him. Oh, and be willing to cook or provide snacks. All gamers like someone to be snack police and a home cooked meal.

Answer 7

Well, all sorts of people play D&D - Stephen Colbert and Vin Diesel are just two examples (and I wanna be there if someone calls Diesel a nerd...) Give it a try once or twice. If you decide it isn't for you, so be it. I've been a gamer for nearly 40 years now. My wife tried D&D a few times but never got into it (however I did turn her into a ravenous board game fanatic.)

A couple of suggestions - remember that it isn't all about the rules or the stats. Pick a game persona that you find interesting. Sometimes the PCs who are the most fun to play are those a complete opposite of you in reality.

Answer 8

You can always try playing. Just try to remember that D&D is an acquired taste. The best analogy I can muster is that garlic tastes great on food, but it may kill the romantic mood for someone else. I suggest imagining the behavior of someone outrageous and interesting and do some method acting...

You can also try painting figures and terrain as a hobby. Its related.

By the way, if he mentions he's a gamer, its part of who he is, not something he does. And the geek squad he plays with is probably filled with some of the nicest, kindest and most accepting people you'll meet anywhere. Keep your mind open sister!  

Answer 9

First, it's great that you're willing to give this a chance.  I wish you the best of luck in getting it to work -- and I'll try to stack the deck a little in your favor.  

First, realize that D&D isn't really the game you're watching, it's just the rules that determine how the game works.  Every role-playing game is the same, "Let's Pretend" where the fights aren't as easy, and the good guys don't always win.  

Barring a childhood totally unlike mine, you played that game as a kid -- and, while I won't pretend that we'd recognize each others versions of it, we both stopped playing at some point when we spent more time arguing over how the world worked than we spent playing.  

D&D (or any other set of rules) just keeps the game more or less fair.  As such, the key to having fun is to come up with an idea of what you'd like to do that fits with the world everybody else is playing in.  

For example, I never "pretended" to be a draftsman (my day job) -- instead, I dreamed of being a soldier, an archaeologist, a superhero, a musician, a con man, and a barbarian warlord.  So I sat down, and I played them.  

So, what -- or rather, who -- do you dream of being?  Bearing in mind, that whoever that is needs to have a solid reason for hanging out with the rest of the people your new gaming group have decided to be.  

Yeah, the first time around, you're going to feel a little bit ridiculous.  So what?  You've felt ridiculous before (remember the first time you walked in high heels? -- I remember my first time, and I'm a *guy*), and nobody -- nobody worth knowing -- is going to be laughing at you.  

Talk to the person running the game, talk to your boyfriend, and go in prepared.  Know who you're going to be, where he or she came from, where they're going and what they want to be.  

Oh, and don't forget: water-skin, winter blanket, fishnet, 10' pole, 100' of rope, grappling hook, pry-bar, backpack, a piece of chalk, 3 fishhooks, a silver bell, and 2 sewing needles ;).  

Good hunting!

Answer 10

I really think you should give the game a chance, there's nothing to lose. Who knows, maybe you'll get addicted to it? Playing a game and watching someone else play it is very different. If he's a great guy then I'm sure he'll find a way to make D&D interesting for you. Don't judge a game by the stereotypical players, give it a chance!