My boyfriend wants to donate his body to science, and I'm really upset. Please advise?

Question

My boyfriend is in medical school, and really likes and admires scientific research. Today he mentioned that he plans to donate his body to research after he dies. I am very bothered by this thought.

I plan on donating my organs to those who need transplants, and I don't mind his doing the same. What upsets me is to imagine the body I made love to all our lives, the arms that held me, the lips that kissed me, being laid bare for a group of gawking med students to poke, prod, and slice.

I understand that science needs human cadavers in order to further learning, but I can't stand the thought of that being his body. He insists that after he's dead, his soul is gone so the body doesn't matter, but if I'm still alive after he's gone, I think it would just be upsetting to know that that's what's going on.

Am I wrong to be upset by this? He has agreed to just donate his organs, but I feel like I'm taking something away from him. Shouldn't he be more concerned about comforting me when he's gone than contriguting to science?

Answer 1

Take a picture it'll last longer than a decomposing body....

Or die first, then this won't be an issue....

But, seriously, what does it matter, do you think that if you are together for 20+ years or whatever, that when he dies, that your memories are going to be of him donating his body to a very noble cause? or of the memories you've shared for however long you have been together. Don't take this the wrong way, but get a grip, there are bigger things in the world to get all worried about.

Answer 2

I wouldn't really worry about it, it should be a comforting thought that those organs could save someones life or open up new research. and I if your doing it, what's the difference?

Answer 3

First of all, this isn't even your husband.  You are not even married.  You have not spent a lifetime together.  Who is to say you will ever be married to him, or still married to him at death.  There is a lot of ground between now and then.  In addition, it is his body, and until there are lifetime committments between each of you as in marriage, he should be able to do what he wants with his body, in furtherance of his core convictions, and you should back off.  It is not his problem, it is your problem.  Your feelings about what he should do to and with his body is more important than his feelings about what to do with his body?  I don't think so.

Answer 4

Yes you are wrong to think that way.  I understand why it's upsetting to you, but if that is his choice, then you should honour it, despite what your own personal feelings are about death and how you should be laid to rest.

I don't know that I wouldn't be happy with the idea either, and all the thoughts it conjurs up, but I would honour it.

People are silly who don't understand your feelings, but in the end, you will find it a fitting tribute, hard as it may be to go through with.

Have a nice memorial.  You won't even have to worry about those expensive funeral arrangements which can cost you upwards of $30,000.

Remember, that it's because of people like him, that science moves forward and cures children like my son, who has cancer, and makes research possible so that your child or loved one might one day benefit.

Answer 5

Well, it his wish and you should respect that. I want to be cremated and donate my organs, and I'm sure some may not want me cut up. Some of my close friends disagree with being cremated for religious reasons, however these are my wishes.  

Answer 6

its better for his body to benifit others then to benefit nobody in a hole. look at it that way.

do you get money for it? if so, thats even better.

when he donates his body he might even be the reason something new is discovered.

its his passion; you know he loves you and only you, so why get mad? (:

i understand how you feel. if my boyfriend did that i would be kind of sad too. mad, even. but its benifitting others. if he wont do it, who will? just think if everyone who wanted to donate their body to science got talked out of it via boy/girlfriend, mother, father, friend, etc. there would be nobody to experiment on!

Answer 7

Well it's either that or he's worm food, so...I would let him do what he wants.

Answer 8

I don't want to sound mean but he's only your boyfriend right now... you have no idea whether or not you'll even be with him when he dies, wait till he's your husband and if he ever is, bring this up with your reasoning again...

Answer 9

Before you go getting all upset........

There are lots of people who desire to leave their body to science and it never happens!!  Why?  Firstly because it depends on how many bodies they already have.....sometimes supply exceeds demand and they refuse to take them.  Secondly, it will depend on the cause of death and the condition of the body at the time of death.  For medical research, they like to have basically "healthy" bodies for their med students to work on.  Bodies that have been ravaged by cancer or shattered and broken due to accidents, homocide or suicide will be refused.  They are also refused if there has been a post mortem examination (autopsy) or if organs have been donated.

I totally understand how you feel, and although I agree it's a good thing for those who are willing to donate their bodies, personally,  I don't think I would ever do it, nor would I give consent for my family members.  I guess I've seen too much during my career.....much more than the general public is ever told.

Answer 10

No it's completely natural to be upset

But your boyfriend is doing a deed to society

he can help the doctors of the future, and someday one of those doctors might help save another person you love, ie a grandchild perhaps

Hope this helped a little bit :)

Answer 11

What you loved about your boyfriend is in his mind and heart and they will be gone when he dies.  The body is just material after that.  I don't think it should matter.  And when he's gone I hate to say it but he can't comfort you any more.

Answer 12

do what makes him happy not you.

Answer 13

Your being upset is not wrong, only a little bit irrational. Maybe when you both first met he should have told you he was mortal...

Answer 14

worry about about this if you are with him in ten years. He is just your boyfriend. Oh, and if it werent for people donating there body to science. Then we probably wouldnt have as much knowledge on death itself.

Answer 15

You are not wrong to have emotions over this.  It is a very big decision.  However, since you are not married, the choice isn't yours.  Still, since you are a couple, you should discuss the body donation option very seriously together.  

Body donation is a very admirable choice, and also very affordable (free) for most people.  It saves a lot of time, trouble, and money.  No burial plots, no caskets, no viewings (creepy).  But it is not for everyone.  The schools that accept cadavers will only take people that die of natural causes, and have no outlying physical issues.  They won't normally take bodies that have trauma from car wrecks and stuff.  

Your emotions are very real, and you need to talk seriously with your boyfriend about this option.  Perhaps together you can both come up with an agreeable solution.  Best of luck.

Answer 16

So after he dies, you're going to continue to hold and embrace him?  And what possible comfort can it be to visualize his corpse rotting in a hole in the ground?

Let it go.  It's his body, his choice.  

Answer 17

It's only a shell after you die.  I plan on doing the same thing.  I mean, really, why waste a body? I know that may sound morbid, but it's a wonderful thing to use it for education.  It's not him, it's a shell.  His soul will be in heaven, the body has nothing to do with it.  

Answer 18

It is his body, he can do as he wishes with it.

Anytime someone passes away, it's creepy to think of what happens to the body- whether it be donating organs to other bodies, testing for medical discovery, or just being preserved 6 feet underground.

I don't think you should be at all worried about him.

Answer 19

Don't be so controlling. It's his body, and it will help people learn after hes gone. It's better than rotting in the ground.

Answer 20

It's just a body - maybe I'm too scientific about it, too. I see what you mean, but I think that what he's doing is a good thing and it allows him to contribute to his interests after he's gone.  

Answer 21

its his BODY.

Let him do what he wants.

Answer 22

What is the difference if that body you loved, is cut up or turning to rot beneath the ground ??

   The body/mind is but a housing for the soul, the ultimate computer/machine by which it navigates and maneuvers for us throughout life. Once life departs so does the soul, therefor that body is useless. It's the soul that moves on or about, weightless, free and the memories of that him and time spent together, that you carry on with.

    I think that you might resent denying him his choice should anything happen.