My boyfriend went behind my back and spoke to my ex husband?

Question

I have been going through an insane custody issue with my ex husband. Who is controlling and has always bullied me. I finally went in to file the correct paperwork to change our custody agreement so my children will have peace of mind and for the sake of my own sanity. I have been divorced from him for 8 years but still feel as though I am under his thumb. Anyway my current BF of 4 years went behind my back and started talking to my ex about my kids and what goes on in our home. Telling him things like if the kids don't listen or put their things away KNOWING that when they go back to their dads they will get into a lot of trouble. That is just how this jerk works. I had NO idea he was texting him or calling him reporting to him the goings on in our home. There isn't anything bad going on here. I have a teenage daughter who hates to clean her room or help out around the house. And my son well he just has to be reminded to feed and water the dogs every day..... basically it comes down to my BF is pist off because they don't always listen. I feel BETRAYED that he would go behind my back. We are getting ready to go to mediation with my ex and he is CRAFTY and knows just how to play people to get what he wants and I think my BF played right into it. Am I right to feel betrayed? Am I right to be angry because we went out to breakfast and my son misbehaved and he SNUCK outside to call my ex to tell on him? Seriously I feel like this was the LAST STRAW! Am I overreacting?

Answer 1

I totally agree with CROWEPPS.  Get rid of the back stabbing boy friend.  You and your children deserve better than that.  I have a teenage daughter and a 12 year old daughter.  None of them clean up after themselves.  I didn't use to clean up after myself when I was a teenager, but now I am very clean and organized.  

You should love your children unconditionally.  You should not love your boyfriend unconditionally.

Answer 2

dude you r not  overreacting don't worry i sure it's noting aslo he is a back staber (dude here's a idea break up with him if this is a problem)

Answer 3

No, you are not over reacting.  You were betrayed and you will be betrayed again.  Dump the boyfriend.  He's no good for you or your kids if he is interfering like that.  Nope.  Nope.  Nopity.  No.

Answer 4

no your not overr eacting your BF is over stepping his boundries. that needs to stop. with dad in the picture your BF should not have a hand in their up bringing.  

Answer 5

YES , this  was  wrong  of  him. You  should  be  angry at  him.  It  only added to your  teen  problems.  He needs  parenting  class.  But  I  would  be  so upset I  would  kick him out. , or  break up.  You have  enough to deal  with as  any parent of  teen without  a  traitor. I  would  hope  you are  reconsidering any marriage with him. You  were  betrayed and  not supported to your need.  I hope  meditation helps  but it  should be  brought  up that you were played  against.  Be  prepared  and  calmly  get  back at your  X. He  needs  parent  class as if  he  thinks  a  teen is  so  easy to  control. Suggest  it.  

Answer 6

Your boyfriend, who thinks you're a bad mother and doesn't like your children because they're not subservient enough to him, is sneaking around the house, spying on you all, and reporting your private behaviors to a man who is your opponent in court because the boyfriend would rather have you lose your kids than not be the center of your attention 24/7, is that right?

The fact that you are on here asking if you have a right to be angry tells me that you have serious self-esteem issues.  Your ex may be controlling and abusive, but so is this boyfriend!  He not only has no respect for you, ignores your opinion about your ex, and believes he has the right to make decisions for you, but he also is trying to do something which you know will hurt your children. Toss him as far as you can throw him and fling all his stuff after him!

Answer 7

No, you aren't.  What he did is really horrible.  Who is he dating?  You or the ex-husband.  I don't know how old the kids are but maybe you need to make them aware that everything they do is being watched and then they need to smarten up so your bf and ex don't have ammunition against you.  Then once you get full custody of your kids, drop him.  I think there is some way you can use this to your advantage.  Do you have a lawyer?  I think you need to consult him because your ex is being very manipulative.

Answer 8

Get rid of your boyfriend. That's a no-brainer.

Unless you like another man who makes you feel angry, upset, manipulated, bullied and mistrustful. Oh wait-- you divorced that one. Or did you?  What did you do, get a duplicate?

Answer 9

Why are you just 'reconsidering' the boyfriend?  He's deceitful and manipulative.  Get rid of him.  As soon as you found out about this, you should have given him the boot without a second thought, and the fact that you didn’t leads me to believe that you need some counseling.  You need to realize that Boyfriend is controlling too...just like your ex.  Maybe Boyfriend is controlling in a different way--maybe the ex was just out-and-out controlling as opposed to controlling through deceit and manipulation--but it’s still controlling.

Answer 10

Dump that b/f and let him know he can kiss your ***.  

Answer 11

No you are not overreacthing...how dare your BF go and do this.  Feed your ex on what is going on in YOUR house...just so your ex can use it against you.  I would have second thoughts on your boyfriend/

Answer 12

this is ghetto

Answer 13

How come this doesn't say EX- boyfriend? Frankly you have been completely betrayed and should dump this bag of garbage at your earliest convenience. It makes no sense for you to remain in a relationship when you know your partner isn't committed to you and your children's best interests.  

Answer 14

Your bf has crossed the line. What he did was wrong. You need to talk to him and tell him that it is not his decision to notify your children's when they misbehave. This is entirely up to you when it comes to discussing things with your ex, or choosing not to. If your bf doesn't respect your decision when it comes to your children, then you may want to rethink your relationship with him and pack his bags.

Answer 15

wow, is he reporting what you do in bed too? Not only is he betrating you, but your kids will hate him for getting them in trouble with their dad all the time. I don't see how you are going to have a peaceful household this way. Id dump his @ss.

Answer 16

your with the bf still why? Anything he says to your ex your ex can change it around and use it. I would dump the guy no doubt about that. That's some serious back stabbing..