My bridesmaid's potential wedding date is very close to mine, can I ask her to reconsider?

Question

My bridesmaid recently announed she's getting engaged. She had previously said she was planning her wedding for a completely different time of year than mine. Now she says her top pick in date is the week after mine. Keep in mind she chose that date without specific time constraints (unlike me).

I understand that I don't own every day of the year, and I'm tredding very lightly because I do not want to offend her. But, this seems a bit inconsiderate. Is it ok for me to explain why I feel this would detract from both of our weddings and ask her to reconsider before she officially sets the date?

Any other advice is much appreciated it! Particularly stories from those that have survived similar situations or what you think is "too close" for two weddings.

Answer 1

i dont see the issue. you arent marrying the same man with the same families, so why should it matter when she gets married?!?

Answer 2

I don't think you can ask her to reconsider her wedding date.  That would make you seem like a selfish bridezilla who thinks everything in the world revolves around her wedding.  

You have no idea why she chose that date.  Maybe there's something going on in her fiance's family and that is a date that will work for everyone.  I'm sure you do not know everything that goes on in her or her fiance's families' lives.  

You can politely decline to attend or to be a bridesmaid if you're asked because you may be on your honeymoon at the time of her wedding, but if she's willing and able to be a bridesmaid in your wedding and her wedding planning won't detract from her ability to be a good bridesmaid, then there should be no problem.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, you only can "lay claim" to your one day plus the rehearsal.  If your bridesmaid can attend your rehearsal and wedding without her own wedding causing interference, then she gets to marry on whatever day she likes.

I would sit her down and say, "Here are the days I know of that you'll be expected to attend.  You're positive you will be there?"

If she says no, then it's very likely that your wedding will take second priority for her.  While it would be very nice to be a queen for an indeterminate time up to and after your wedding, it's simply not the way life outside of the Land of Make-Believe works.

Answer 4

I don't think you can ask her to reconsider without the possibility of her getting very angry.

I could see it being too close if she was a close family member but she's not. (Though personally, if I was planning a wedding, I would not want the added stress of being a bridesmaid the week before!) It could be possible that they are thinking of that day for a reason.

Answer 5

You wouldn't want to lose a friend over such an issue would you?

Answer 6

i would casually ask her why she picked that date adn go from there... you could just bring up "oh i thought you wanted to do it in .... what made you change it to... "

if she really has absolutely no reason, then yes, bring it up and say if it's possible to move it back (becuase of people that could be attending both, you'll be on a honeymoon, etc.)

if she has a reason, then leave it as it is  

Answer 7

How would you feel if she asked you to change the date of your wedding for her? Let it go! I'd suggest that you both use similar colors so that you can cut down on costs.

Answer 8

In my opinion I would not be upset, just because they are a week or so apart, at least it's not on the same date.  If that were the case, then I would be upset.  Still, let her know how you feel, considering she is your bridesmaid, you must be friends and friends understand each other.  Congrats on the wedding :)

Answer 9

I think her wedding date is not your decision to make.  Period.  It matters not that she has the freedom to choose another date, while you claim not to.  The date of her wedding is her and her fiance's decision, not yours.

Answer 10

I think you have every right to feel the way you do . My fiances brother and his brand new girlfriend announced their engagement right after us.  I was upset.  You have a right to your day.  Depending on how many bridesmaid you have, you may need your friends help.  She wont have time to help you if planning her own wedding.  I would be very careful how you approach her.  I think you should talk to her but be careful not to hurt her feelings.  In her mind, its her day you are talking about also.

Answer 11

Are you going on a honeymoon right after your wedding? That would be the only interference I could see, if you booked your honeymoon and wouldn't be back in time for her wedding. My one bridesmaid and I are getting married a month apart and I have had to coordinate all my stuff around her wedding day and honeymoon since my wedding is after hers, but that has not been a problem at all. It's been nice to have someone I love going through the same things as me.

Answer 12

That depends on why you're asking her to reconsider...

1) Do you share the same circle of friends?

2) Are you also a bridesmaid on her wedding?

3) Are you on the honeymoon the week she's getting married?

4) Has the date set in stone yet?

5) Is the wedding the same state & city as yours?

6) Are you close to the bridesmaid?

Once you answer these, then I can provide you more answers.

Answer 13

Just tell her that if she has her wedding a week after yours you will be unable to attend as you will be on your honeymoon. Maybe she will change the date then. Maybe she won't. If you aren't going away for that long or at all then it shouldn't be a big deal.

My friends got married a week before us and it wasn't a big deal for anyone. They didn't go away and were able to attend our wedding (we scheduled ours first and they chose a week before us) we also scheduled with my husband's best man. They got married 2 weeks after us. We came back from our honeymoon and went to their wedding festivities (rehersal/wedding, etc)

I think our friends were worn out after that will all of the weddings in close proximity but everyone had a fun summer.

Answer 14

Sally would you mind moving your date? If you have your's a week after mine I will be on my honeymoon and will not be at yours. Plus I think our bridal parties might get to be too much on our friends if we do them too close together.  

Answer 15

So it's the week AFTER yours, not before......yours is OVER when the last guest leaves the reception & you & your husband are off to start married life together....so since when do you have an exclusive on the week after your wedding as well? So, like yours is first, how is hers coming after gonna detract from yours?...please explain this one, somebody as I just don;t get this mentality, really......

I could understand it if it was the week BEFORE yours but this is not the case and obviously she has no issues following yours so what's the big deal here? She has a different family than yours, different in-law than yours so a mutual guest list would be small, right?

Sounds like you want all the attention on you...and you will get it all the attention....on YOUR wedding day. Good Luck.

Answer 16

It probably would have been in better taste for her to schedule her wedding at another time but ultimately does it really matter? You may share some of the same friends but family wise if there's no connection then I don't think it really matters that her wedding is a week after yours. After is definitely better than before and you're going to be too busy with your own wedding to worry about hers so you should just go with the flow and enjoy your wedding planning process. Unless her wedding festivities conflict with yours, I would just leave well enough alone and focus on your big day.