My bro has started an adult relationship with some one with downs syndrome, is it right?

Question

He is 27, she is 23 (mentally 10) and they seem happy together.

We don't have anything against anyone with Down Syndrome but this still leaves a bad taste in the mouth of everyone who knows them, are they wrong to feel like this?

What are the issues of someone having an adult relationship with someone who is not (mentally) an adult?

Answer 1

THERE JUST A LITTLE SLOWER  

Answer 2

I have a daughter with Down syndrome. I would say it depends. If he  is a caring respectful person, I think it's great. But obviously the relationship needs extra scrutiny. He does need to be careful about legal problems, especially if her family or guardians aren't so sure about the relationship. Have you spent time with the two of them together to see what kind of relationship they have? Does it seem healthy?

As another poster mentioned, you can't really put a mental age on anyone. It's way more complicated than that. Don't underestimate people with DS, especially young ones who have had better education than earlier generations. I know young people with DS who are going to college now.

Answer 3

hiya kat, alot of males are a lot yourger, than females of the same age.also a lot of down syndrome girls can be quite forward for there age.if your/her parents see no issure of them being together,why soile it.it might be the makeins of both of them.if they are happy together why not leave them alone.

Answer 4

The strange thing about people with DS..  that you CANT put a 'mental age' on them!!  Individuals can appear to be younger on some things & 'normal' on others.     So, maybe she cant read n write, but is very sensible & mature in other areas of life!

So long as she is not be exploited or abused.... & so long as they are both happy... wheres the problem!??

Answer 5

in my opinion he's just doing it to take advantage of her

Answer 6

I would they,its wrong.this girl is mentally 10,and your brother is 27..he will break her heart,in the end,when he decides about it..maybe soon,or,even,next year.mary.c.

Answer 7

what has his last GF been like?  i think it is wrong.

Answer 8

by adult relationship, I'm assuming you mean sexual relationship. Everyone needs love and care. I guess my curiousity would be what your brother sees in her. I don't know that I could have romantic feelings for someone who was mentally a child. I certainly don't see anything wrong with it as she is an adult and I'm sure as a woman has yearnings for physical connections just as we do.I guess as long as your bro is with her for the right reasons then its ok

Answer 9

dont worry my brother has downs he is happily married and has children all thease people saying there is a problem with it how would they like it if they couldent get married my brother had a right to get married and so does this girl you watch they will blossom

Answer 10

Oh dear.

I thought my brother was bad.  I think this is a very bad idea. She is basically 10 in her mind and experience levels and always will be. That means that if and when they separate she won't be able to cope or be made to understand why.  For that reason alone I think it's probably very wrong.

Answer 11

"a bad taste"...why? you say u "havent got anything against" down syndromw but you do if you have a "bad taste"....that is something that is only ever said when someone has wronged you. This girl hasnt wronged you, its his life and im sure he will learn what he needs to. Its his relationship too, just the two of them no one else need be involved.

Answer 12

This is not something a general rule can be applied to.

It depends on the individuals.  If your brother and the young lady are happy and care for each other I see no problem.  It is condescending and patronising for you to assume she is not capable of a full and loving relationship.  She may only have limited understanding of some things, but her ability to love and be loved, may be more developed than anyone can know.  Only she and possibly your brother, can say that.  

Perhaps you could support them in their relationship, as I am sure they will be judged by everyone they meet.  Or is that really what you are worried about?

Realistically, it is none of your business.

Answer 13

There are a lot of Downs people that are happily married, you should talk to her parents, see how they feel as they know their daughter best. If he's happy and she is aswel, then leave them to it.  

Answer 14

When I read part 1 of the question I was annoyed that you had discriminated. The last paragraph made me rethink though. What a difficult issue!

The mental age/DS should be no problem and, to be fair, I have to take my hat off to your brother for seeing past her dissability and engaging in a relationship in the first place. I think that is an admirable quality.

I could only go on what I thought of her when talking/meeting her. The dissability shouldn't come into it.

Answer 15

Who actually told you she has mentally only 10? Normally one doesn't label a downs in such matters. Is your brother mentally handicapped as well? that you don't mention. Or is he considered what many people call, normal?

Who is her care giver? If she has parents that are still around, or living a fascility that has a type of den mother there shoudl be someone who takes charge for this girl.

No one on here is going to be able to give you a proper answer, but the care giver or family might. If your brother has some type of mental disability that is equal to hers, than it's perfectly normal.

Downs people want the same things as what many call "normal" people. They often dream of getting married, having children and the whole thing. They should not have children, as the state does not allow them to rear the child.

If your brother has full mental capacity and the care giver believes he is wrong, than he could be prosecuted for his behavior. You cannot legally have s*x with what is considered a minor, even if they have an adult body. It is called rape, even if it is consentual. A 10 year old can concent to s*x, but would you believe they have the capacity to understand the full consequences to that act? Would you still want the adult who had s*x with the child to go to jail?

If he has full mental capacity, he should not want to be with someone with downs. It would not be morally right for him to have s*x with  a person under that circumstance.

You need to find out more about her and get to the bottom of this. Not to get your brother in trouble, but to try to help keep him from trouble. There is no s*x that is full proof about getting her pregnant. Once pregnant it's impossible to prove he didn't sleep with her.  

Answer 16

Well, in a lot of states it's illegal to do so. Age wise doesn't matter when one takes into account the mental capacity of the other.

What exactly is he getting out of the relationship? By what you wrote I'm assuming he's not diagnosed with Down's.

I don't blame you for it leaving a bad taste in your mouth because I'm feeling the same way and don't know either of them.

I'll be honest with you. If he is not with down's and she is then it's very disturbing in my opinion. It's the same thing as taking advantage of a child because though physically she's an adult, mentally she's a child. Need I say more?

He really needs to re-think this before he finds himself in front of a Magistrate