My brother asked his girlfriend to marry him.... help?

Question

My brother has been dating this girl we have been friends with since we were in high school for about 4-5 months. She is the person that we base the time frame on who she was dating at the time. When they started dating she had literally just gotten out of a 4 year relationship with the father of her 2 children. When I say literally his stuff wasn't even moved out yet. My brother is my best friend in the world, we have grown apart a little as we have gotten older, but we still always call when one of us is having a bad day. The last few months has been really rough for him, he recently was in jail because of a DUI. He's had a lot of things on his plate right now and we haven't talked much over the past few months. Last night he asked her to marry him and of course she said yes.

What upsets me is that he emailed me to tell me, he never called me to tell me that he was going to or that he did for that matter, not that I think he needs my approval I just think that this is a big step in life and the first person you would tell would be your best friend. I haven't called him or responded to him at all. I don't know what to say to him. I am hurt that he didn't tell me about it.

Answer 1

Just be honest. Call him and tell him that you are hurt that you had to find out about his engagement through an email. Most guys aren't very good at communicating this kind of thing to people so don't take it too personally. Just make sure he is aware of how you feel and I'm sure he'll make an effort to include you more the next time he has something to share.

Answer 2

wow you really need to butt out and get your own life to worry about  

Answer 3

thank the Good Lord you are not my sister.

you sound really spoiled and self centered, ego centric. you are not the center of the universe.

this is totally your brothers decision and it is his life. he doesn't need you permission or approval. the more you tell him not to do this the closer you are pushing him to her. so, shut up, grow up, and live your own life. let him live his. be happy for him.  

Answer 4

You sound controlling. Grow up.

Answer 5

Did he give you the details of the proposal in his email? Maybe it was something that wasn't planned...maybe he asked her just out of the blue.

I understand why you would be hurt since you are so close, but don't let this get in the way of sharing this special time with him now. Your brother could have lots of different reasons for contacting you the way that he did. Maybe he thought you wouldn't approve or maybe he is a little embarrassed about being in jail or other things in his life. Who knows?

Just call him and congratulation him. Ask him if he wants to go out to celebrate! Or - if you live close by, stop by his house on the way home with some flowers and congratulate him in person.

I am sure he has a good reason for his actions. Just please don't let it get in the way of celebrating with him now. I am sure that he is going to need you.

Good luck to you!  

Answer 6

The only thing you can do is love and support him.  I am sure that he didn't purposely send you the news in email to hurt your feelings.

Why don't you call him and tell him congrats and that next time you'd appreciate a call when there is big news!  He can probably sense that you don't like his girlfriend/fiance and so he probably didn't want to hear any disappointment in your voice.  So surprise him and be happy for him.

Maybe she really loves him.  You never know unless you give it a chance.  Also whether they are destined for a break up or not, there is not much you can do about it.  He needs to make his own decisions and mistakes.

I know how hard it is to watch someone you love do something you feel is a mistake, BUT if you criticize his decision it will only push him away.  If you want to stay close, then support him and if it falls apart at least you will be there to help pick up the pieces.

I know, I've been there!  Good luck!

Answer 7

NOT GOOD. well what can you do? i bet it would be hard to convince him its not a good idea? that maybe he has to be on his own 2 feet first?

Answer 8

Hon, i say this with all the respect and care possible.

This is not about you, this is about your brother. The first person he lets know is the girl he is proposing to. After that, it is up to him. You already stated that you are not thrilled with this girl, and that he knows this. Perhaps he wanted to avoid and friction during a time that he is happy. You didn't respond to him, why? Is it a t*t-for-tat? You should call him and congratulate him. This is his life. He already knows how you feel about the girl. Now is the time to be the bigger person, and get used to her presence, she is going to be apart of your family. Don't make him choose.  

Answer 9

So, you're just upset because he didn't tell you, right?

Boy, this good news, finally your brother is happy plus he did call you to let you know about it. And guess what? You're just thinking of yourself. Good sister you are.! lol Just be happy for him and supportive. Starting this new relationship among the three of you with a bad note is not a good start. Just be there for your brother.  

Answer 10

I'm going to say this as kindly as possible.

This is not about you... This is about your brother and his girlfriend starting a life together... So, he wrote you an email. GREAT! He thought enough about you to email you as soon as he proposed.. Why are you making an issue out of it. You've made it clear how you feel about her, I'm sure he didn't want to say anything to you before hand, because he didn't want to hear you try to talk him out of it. Just be happy that he's happy and leave it at that. Don't create drama because he's happy with out you.

Answer 11

Lil T I am sorry to tell you this but this is completely his decision. I know you say that he does not need your approval, but were you hoping he would ask for it? He may not have called because things got busy, they may have gone out to celebrate, anything could have happened. If he is your best friend you should give him the benefit of the doubt. At least until you talk to him. Their is some reason why he wants to marry her. Try to respect how he feels.  

Answer 12

Could he call you just as easily, you said he is having problems so did he recently lose his cell phone or not have access to one?  Maybe he hadn't planned on doing it and felt bad that you didn't know he was going to so felt bad for calling you?  Did he want to surprise you or thought an e-mail would be cute.  You should get a hold of him and just find out what happened.  I am sure he didn't mean to hurt your feelings, maybe he just wasn't thinking straight.