My brother has a mental disability. is it wrong for me to think he is a loser?

Question

Both our parents were alcoholics and we were sexually abused by our mother. We were pretty withdrawn and depressed throughout our entire childhood. But I somehow got into college and graduated and now I have a decent job with something of a future ahead of me. I am still very shy and have never been with a woman. I hardly have any friends, but I am working on it.

My brother wasn't that lucky. He got really depressed during high school and tried to kill himself. He dropped out of high school and just worked as a janitor at mcdonalds for a while. He kept to himself usually and he never went out and hardly had any friends. A few years ago, he was arrested for child molestation. The doctors at the prison says he is mentally disable, so he didn't stay in prison for long. Now he is unemployed and a s*x offender. He lives off of disability and welfare.

I think he is a loser, but at the same time, I understand why he is like what he is. I could have been like him. I was just lucky I guess. Recently he has been asking me for money, and I don't have much. I feel sometimes I just want to cut ties with him and tell him to never talk to me. My heart breaks each time I see his face, because I know where we came from. But at the same time, I want to tell him to his face, "dude, you're a loser, get the h**l away from me!"

I don't know what to do. I too have my emotional battles each day. I have demons too. I just don't know. I am thinking about going to see a shrink or something. This is just not normal. Thank you for your time.

Answer 1

you know what he went through are you a loser?

Answer 2

Very sad story, it is even more sad that you have considered turning your back on him, you are the only other person in the world that knows exactly what he went through with your mother. He doesn't need tragedy in his life, he needs someone to try and help him, maybe if you go see a shrink 1st then you will feel different. Good luck and I will pray for you and your brother.

Answer 3

Both you and your brother need help. You are fighting the same demons from your childhood. Everyone has their own way of dealing with their scars. You were better able to cope than your brother. He is not a loser. He is damaged. You are angry. You haven't mentioned where your mother is today. Has she passed away? I think you are directing your anger at your brother because perhaps your mother is not in your life?  

Answer 4

You can only show love to him. Give what you can with no judgement and only love in your heart. Mother Theresa said  that the greatest thing we can do as humans is to help the poor. It's more important than any achievment as it shows who you really are inside. Remove all judgement and be love and show love and kindness to your brother. It will define you in the end. He is in your life for you to learn kindness. You have a good heart because you are asking these questions but now you have to take it to the next level and be kind to your kin who is reaching out to you and needs you.

Answer 5

sexual abuse from a mother has screwed u over a lot. therapy may help u.My bro has problems and he was once a beleiver but lives by his own wisdom.

Answer 6

it's ok to feel that way but its good that you dont tell him what you're thinking. just encourage him to get a job.

Answer 7

as you know people who have been brought up in a home such as the one you have,the child will develope some kind of mental problems as a result or sometimes not as children respond differently or handle things differently.yes,i do understand about being sorry for him,but also know that even if your heart is in the right place he will take advantage of that,cause he knows how you are.yes,even those who have been abused can also abuse others,cause abuse does repeat in cycles,it just all depends on the person.there is no such thing as normal as we all tend to have inner conflicts.i want you to know you can not change him and do not try to change yourself to please him either.you have to look out for yourself,as your safety and wellbeing come first.

Answer 8

Hi ,Hope you are fine,dude no one is perfect and everyone has a devil and an angel but how to control,no one is choosing his or her look,and i saw in my life in many such a loser they are really becoming someone in this life,its really hard to go through all emotional battles,but this what i can tell you,just try to set with him in your free time try to know what he like what he don't, talk to him you just don't know what he is thinking about put yourself in his condition everyone around him is normal but he just CAN NOT be like others,and no one is trying to talk to him as a normal person,i think he has double your emotional battles,when you be open with him your battles will be setteled down and your feeling towards him as a losed will decress and in the end of the movie He is yout brother,he need that chance from you and it is his right as your brother wish you all the best ,take care

Answer 9

That's horrible. But you need to remember first and foremost you are family. Families don't give up on each other. They help when you need it most. Your brother and I believe yourself need therapy. Nothing is an excuse for him being a s*x offender though. He knows what it's like and he should know he wouldn't want a child to end up like he is. Don't give him money. He can get a job. It's not going to pay very well but he can still get one. And trust me sugar. It's actually not as abnormal as you think. Good luck and get that help.