My brother in law is "stealing" my son's name on their chil due in Nov!!?

Question

My brother and sister in law are using my 7 yr olds son's first middle (and LAST!!) name with their son that is due in Nov.

I am furious as well is my husband!! They do live about 500 miles away, however we are not the average family. We see them 6-8 times a year, sometimes a week or so at a time. They are ALWAYS here!! How can I deal with this????????

Answer 1

As mean as it may sound. I have to agree with most of the other people and say GET OVER IT!

There really is nothing you can do. It may be annoying but if you start ranting, YOU are the one who comes off as crazy. Just keep your cool. Maybe send them a note saying you are flattered they are naming the baby "after" his 7year old cousin. And that you can't wait to tell everyone you know how flattering it is for them to name their child after yours! Maybe if they look at it like that, they will change their mind!

Good Luck!

Answer 2

get over it. it is only a name

Answer 3

Umm...that's just um...wow. well, you can feel honored or just ask them up front why they chose to do this...they may have their own reasons...good luck on this tho...

Answer 4

If I were close with them (if not have your husband do it), I would just say to them, "Don't you think it's a little strange that little Johnny and his new cousin will have the same exact name?" Just leave it at that and see what they say.

As for the rest of the family, I would have a standard aloof response along the lines of, "I don't know why they chose the same name as my son."

If they do give him the same name, I would come up with a nickname for the baby and hope that it catches on.

Answer 5

Your son doesn't own the name. I would be honored if anything.

Answer 6

Cuh! That's pretty bad. In my college days..a classmate and I were both pregnant. She previously had a child name Andre. Her new baby would be Demetri. Being in denial about my pregnancy, I was someone lazy about picking out a name. Back then, Erica Kane was in love with Dimitri on the soap operas. He was a handsome as his name was. So, I named my son Dimitri D'Andre. She knew ahead of time. Now, 14 years later when Dimitri and Demetri see each other, we laugh at what is now a private joke--how I borrow both of her boys' names.

Still, to take the entire name is just wrong.The last name can't be helped. I could even see if the first name was used as their baby's middle name. But, comeon! Two people together can't put their heads together and come up wiht a name in nine months? That's ridiculous.

Answer 7

tell them to pick another,you got the name first. a child is entitled to having a unique name, but his cousin having the same name? wtf?

ps. they are being immature

Answer 8

That can be very annoying. However, living 500 miles away, they probably don't see it as a problem. I would tell them that the name you have given your son is special, and it would bother you to have an exact copy "walking around". If they are sold on the idea of keeping the same name(s), perhaps you could suggest they call him by his middle name, so that he and your son don't get confused when they are together.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Why would you be furious?  So what if it's the same name.  Your son had it first and EVERYONE will now that because your son was born 7 years before.  If anything, people will realize that they "copied" you.  And besides... if you are going to furious at your BIL for taking your son's name, then you might as well also be mad at everyone else in the world for using the same name because trust me... there are people out there with your last name as well.  So don't let this trivial matter about stupid names get you all emotionally wrought.  It's not worth it.  Just be glad that they have good taste just like you.

Answer 10

To be honest, I too would be somewhat mad if they decided to take my  baby boy's name. Try giving them names that you think is better than your son's name. If you think your son's name is the best of the best, I'm sure your brother and sister in law will think of a way to make you feel better, right? Confront to them on how you feel, don't be afraid.

Answer 11

Get over it.  You should feel honored that they like the name.  If stuff like this makes you angry, how are you going to handle the teenage years? Take a breath, suck it up, and congratulate them on picking such a fine name.  Nobody else is going to care.

Answer 12

You can deal with it by getting over it.  No one can steal a name.  If thats what they want to name their son, who cares. There is no rule that say you can't have the same names in one family.

I have many Johns and Anthonys in my family. Really, why get upset over it.

Answer 13

give your son a nickname but more than likely they will change their minds when the baby gets here and name him something different. but if they dont you're the original their son will be upset with them when he gets older and realizes his parents didnt care enough to think of an original name

Answer 14

You do not own a name so no one can steal it.  There is a saying that says "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery."  How is it possible that you and your brother have the same last name now?  Didn't you take your husband's last name when you married?  That is not uncommon, but all the families I know where mom and dad each kept their own last name after marriage, all the children either have an hyphenated last name or they have the last name of their father.  I think on the surface it does seem like stealing, but think about it in the grand scheme of life.  Will anything really bad happen because your son and your brother's son have the same name?  We have a very large extended family, many of whom live within a day's drive.  We have several family members who share the same name.  We don't really give it much thought.  We usually say something like, "I heard that Carolyn's Caleb got accepted to Yale." or "Susan's Caleb is going to play soccer next year instead of baseball."  Not a big deal.  I don't think it's worth ruining a family relationship over.  Your brother and sister-in-law have every right to name their son what they want, just as you did.  You can't control what they do.  You can only control your response, so it is up to you and your husband if you are going to let this situation affect your relationship or if you are going to accept it and move on.  ADDED:  I had to re-read your question a couple times as I was trying to figure out how you and your brother had the same last name, but I see that I think you are talking about your brother-in-law, your husband's brother.  Now, I can see how the same last name would come in to play.

Answer 15

Are they naming their son after your son? If so, you should be touched. If they just happen to like the name, that is extremely rude (although still flattering, because they obviously like your taste in names). There is nothing you can do, aside from voicing your disgust with them. I'm sorry they're doing this to you, but you were first!

Answer 16

All I can say is that there is NO LAW that says a name belongs to a person. I had an issue with my friend telling me that I stole the name she was going to name her son. She is not pregnant, but I am. I did not care. If I wanted that name then I was going to use it. She can use it too. I see it as a form of how great the name is.

Now being in the family, and having the entire name match another child in the family may be confusing/ weird. I personally would not name my child the same name as someone else in our family. Not even a relative that has pasted on.

Did you talk to your brother and sister in law about how weird it was to do this?

I wish the best of luck with this.

Answer 17

is it a family name? because maybe your brother feels he should honor that same family member (or members..) as well. Maybe he just doesnt know how to do it any other way so he is just choosing to name his child that way in honor. If its a common name maybe he and his wife didn't realize it was the same name as your son until after they had decided on it because they liked it..

try talking to  your brother about it and see if there would be any compromise (maybe he could switch the order of the name.. or choose to honor a different family name..)

if he isnt willing to change you just have to live with it.. you have no say in what he names his son.

best of luck.