My brothers GF wants me to adopt her twins?

Question

Ok so my brother is only 17. He has a almost 1 year old son. Well his ex GF is now 6 months pregnant with there twins. They broke up about 2 months ago because she didnt want anything to do with her son. Now she is having my neices and doesnt want them either. My brother cant handle raising 3 kids on his own so she asked me if when they are born I will adopt them. My brother wants his kids and all that but he is only 17! He just cant do it. My whole family wants his girls to stay in the family but no one can financialy do it exept me. Do you think I should adopt them?

Answer 1

first, I don't think your old enough to adopt. Next, your adopting for the wrong reason.  the best thing you could do is get guardianship of them.  If you adopted, they would no longer be your brothers children. And you would be their Mom.  even if old enough, no adoption agency would let you adopt for these reasons...or as an aunt..or temperary. They consider adoption as permanent.

Answer 2

do more research on kinship adoptions/ guardianship. talk to your parents about it. if you have a lot of family and friends to support you, and you feel as if you can handle it, and you're sure your brother will do all he can to help raise and support them, i would consider it.  but no one can make this choice but you. good luck in whatever you decide

Answer 3

guardianship.

Answer 4

In all reality this is not your burden to bear. Yes, you may be the most financially stable person in your family but you are also young and in college.  You would not be as stable raising 2 children.  And what would happen if your brother did not care for them?  Or has more babies?  You could end up taking care of them all and missing out on college and your own life.  Ultimately you must make the decision.  However, do not let family or anyone else push you in any direction.  This is a very big step.  Maybe they should adopt the babies to someone else. I'll even adopt them.

Answer 5

Hi Jaslene,

Thank you for caring about the babies enough to keep them in the family, and for helping your brother when he needs you the most.

The way a legal adoption works is, you would get permanent, full time responsibility for those children until they are 18 years old, the same as if they had been born to you.  In fact, if you adopt them, that's what they do, they seal the children's original birth certificates away forever and issue new ones that would have YOUR name listed on them as the mother who gave birth to them.  If you adopt them, you would be their legal "mother" not their "aunt."  Your brother & his girlfriend would have to sign relinquishment papers & they would permanently lose all legal rights & responsibilities for their children.

Therefore, I would not recommend adoption in this case.  It's not necessary.  What you probably want to do is have a guardianship or kinship arrangement.  That way, the twins' parents will still be their parents, and you will still be their aunt.  You can still be their legal guardian until the time comes when their parents can assume full responsibility for them.   You will also be eligible for financial assistance to help take care of them.

Thanks again for offering to help them, & good luck to all of you.

julie j

reunited adoptee

Answer 6

You are on the right track to having a good life and a decent job. You have no idea how much time and money twins will take...I suggest that first of all your brother get himself a vasectomy and that those children be adopted to a married couple who will love them and give them a good life.

Answer 7

I understand how you want to help out, but being a full time single parent to two infants is super hard. Can you afford childcare? It's expensive for infants. And what role will your brother play? Will he live with you too? It's quite a noble gesture, but really think this over. Go over all the costs. A married couple has a hard time providing for one, and I can't imagine a dental assistant being able to provide for 2. Good luck though.

Answer 8

Hello well that would have to be something you deciede if you would love to have twins then take them cause atleast you would never wonder how they are doing or if someone is mistreating them and ask your brother to help maybe raise them to a point cause would you want a complete stranger in this world taking care of your neices and not know how they was beeing treated i would love to adopt all three of my nephews i would know they would not be going thru what they are know i have one child myself and would love to have another one

Answer 9

No.  Brother should learn to wear a rubber.  He made these babies & they are his - they do not need anyone to adopt them.  He needs to finish school while working part-time, and have a plan for supporting them - like maybe technical school after high school.  (He could also stand to dump such a no-account gf.)  Yes, you will probably end up supporting him financially.  But you didn't choose to have babies right now and they aren't your responsibility.  Keep yourself free for whatever you envision for your life.

Answer 10

How old are you? Are you ready to take full responsibility for two children that are not yours? Taking care of one child is hard work let alone two. But honestly if you are up for it and you don't want to see your neices be put in foster care, then I would most definitely say adopt them. But only if you are ready and can handle it..

Answer 11

Your brother needs to step up and take responsibility; these children didn’t create themselves.  After becoming a teenager father he still wanted to take part in the act that creates children. I’m sorry I have no sympathy for teenagers or anyone who s***w up repeatedly. It’s pathetic just like some teenager girl who gets pregnant at 13, 15 and 17.

I think you are confused you would be their mom if you legally adopted them, now you could be made their legally guardian in till your brother can take over their care. Frankly your brother needs to get his  GED which is equivalent to a High school diploma, and then he needs to enter some trade school. As well as get a part time or full time job. He can take classes at night or even some online courses.  Your brother also clearly needs to take  a course on  birth control.

You should also ask yourself if you can handle it? Taking on the care of one baby by yourself is not going to be a walk in the park, let alone 2 babies.

Answer 12

You should only adopt them if you want to trade your life for theirs.  Don't adopt unless it's in your heart to be an Xtra full Time Mom x2!  You don't want to regret your decision later.  That is not fair to the children.  Maybe your brother could keep them and you can be the best Aunt ever!

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You said, "I would still be there aunt if I adopted them. It would just be untill my brother is done with school, has a better paying job, and has a place of his own."  In my opinion that is foster care- which is alright too...  look up temporary guardianship and see if it's for you.  But, no matter WHAT you call it- the duties are the SAME.  ;-)

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R: In my opinion, siblings, especially twins should be kept together.

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Does your brother live with you?  How else could he be there everyday to raise them?  If your brother is consistent it may work, but they will really need a MOTHER figure out of you.  Maybe your brother could move in with you and his kids?

Answer 13

No one here can tell you what to do.  You need to know who you are and if you can take them.  look at your life and where you are and be realistic.  

I would hope that you would try to take them.  maybe he can be given custody and he can give you guardianship. Then in 5-7 years when he is older hopefully he is more stabel and will have the means to raise all of his kids as his own. I maybe and this is a big maybe because i don't condone separting twins you can take one and someone can take one.  make sure they have lots of interaction and know all their siblings.

Answer 14

FYI. They say adoptions that stay "in the family" end up being very difficult. Because his girlfriend might end up regreting what she did and showing up at your home and giving you problems. I would direct her towards a really good adoption agency.

Answer 15

If i was in your position i think that i would, it would be a deffinitley life changing decisions, but in the end its the right thing to do, your brother cant handle it right now and he needs his family to help him, and if you can you should, this lady is missing out, if she dosent want her kids make them feel like there wanted i know if my mother couldnt take care of me my aunt who is 9 years older would do it in a heart beat because she loves me and my sister so much, since she loves her sister.

so its a decision tottaly up to you and what your willing to do with your brother, but i say yes.

Answer 16

Yeah you should that way your brother and still see the babys and be with them, it would be better if you did that way the kids would know there real dad and not be with someone they dont know, it would be alot better that way.

Answer 17

If he plans to take them back when he can do so financially then you should only take temporary parental custody of them. Adoption is permanent not a temporary until he gets his life on track and can take them. And adopting them would make you their mother not their aunt. I would suggest getting her rights terminated if she truly wants nothing to do with the kids and you take guardianship until your brother is ready.

Answer 18

OK!!!! this is how i see it.. IF she wants u to adopt the kids go for it, because if u don't  and no one else in your family is willing to,then there going to wine up in the foster care system

and who knows if you'll ever see them again..plus when you adopt a child, then that means your there parent. no going back to there real mom or dad...listen those babies need you

plus the foster care system will help you money wise!!!!!!!!! PLEASE GO FOR IT!!!! THEY'LL BE A BLESSING .. GOOD LUCK!!!!!

Answer 19

Well if you can financially take care of them, and are done with school then why not? But its erally up to you, so do what you feel is right. And if you don't want them do not feel bad because its not your reposinsiblity just do what you feel is right.

Answer 20

i would tell her **** u

Answer 21

YES please do it for the twins. Keep them with the family. Don't leave them with a girl who doesn't want them.

Allow your brother to grow up then when he can take care of them, subtly give them to him. Make sure he contributes a great deal to them as they are growing up so they know who there father is and that he cares! Please think of the twins!

Adopt them!

It's obviously in there best interest.