My brothers & I are having serious issues with our mother,can anyone give some advice please?

Question

In short,my Gran died 2 years ago.My grandparents were hard workers all their life. They left the house to my mum as a life interest.This means,she will have a roof over head for life, and an asset to sell if she ever needs aged care down the track.

My mum has no money,been married 3 times and screwed them all over,been stupid with money all her life. Now mum wants to sell up now and party. She lied to us telling us conflicting things.

We went behind her back and got a copy of the will.She can NOT sell up and flip it away.Its a life interst for her,and us 3 kids are in the trust as well.We get what ever may be left over.We dont want the house or money,we want to prevent mum from being stupid. She hates us all now and is running around saying horrible things to the family. She got egg on her face when I gave her lawyer a copy of my lawyers letter.

She also has a new boyfriend and has asked us to sign papers so she can give them money and we refuse.Her boyfriend called me a liar and said she wouldnt do such thing.She admitted she did in from of her lawyer last week.

This has really taken a toll on my2 brothers & they want nothing to do with mum any more. I am on basic talking terms with her but its not good.

She blames us for this and pulls the guilt trips all the time.

We are only trying to prevent her from stupidity thats all. Its so involved and complicated though.Its really taken a toll on one brother.Hes depressed.My other brother is a cop and hes as hard as nails but its affecting him.

I really need some guidance with this one PLEASE!

Answer 1

your mum has been stupid with money all her life.  nothing's changed.  your grandparents knew this and they wanted to make sure she was taken care of and they knew you and your brothers wouldn't let her p**s it all away.

you have several options:

you can see if you can have her declared incompetent and take over all of her funds.

you can continue on as your are and ignore her.  Just keep referring her lawyer to your lawyer

if you don't want to lose the house, see if you can pay her off and move her out of the house.  She would no longer have any claims or rights to the house and you and your brothers could do what you want with it.

if your mum is becoming a real nuisance and you and your brothers just don't care what happens to her any more then go ahead and let her have what she wants and then watch her lose it all so you can tell her, I'm sorry we can't help you any more.  You've lost it all, you have to become a charity case now.

you're in a really tough spot.  You're going to have to just toughen up and deal with her or see if you can't somehow buy her off or just have her buy you off and let her implode.

edit:

if you go through a competency hearing, then she would be forced to go to counseling.

Answer 2

you and you family need counseling that's in to deep

unless you are able to get the hole family to sit down and talk things out and not shout or blame.

hope i helped good luck  

Answer 3

Good gracious! I thought you were talking about my mother for a minute!!!

I am in a blessed situation due to living in France, so she cannot come over and visit - thank goodness!

One of my sisters live very close to her and is always having similar battles to contend with.

Because I have chosen not to be in communications with her, it means that, to a certain extent, I can look on with a fresh mind.  

I am sorry to say this, but your mum sounds like an: "I" person and the only way to get through to her is to fool her into thinking that she is always the winner, when in actual fact, you are the one in charge.

With my sister, I tell her to agree with her mum, rather than argue because that gets one no where!  I know this for I am the first born and know mother better than all my siblings put together!

Your mother obviously wants every thing her way, so let her think that she is getting her own way!  

Personally, I would get my own solicitor and write some sort of back up clause that involves both brothers, so that if she does do the dirty - at least you are not left out cold!

She might well be saying these horrid things about you and your brothers, but if the people listening, believe her, then they are not worth much!  A stupid (sorry for calling her that) person tumbles many times.  I am just sorry that it is her innocent children having to suffer for her foolishness!

She is like my mother, who is living in a different world, so the best thing to do is to feel sorry for her and be glad that you are not like her!

I do not know from your write up whether you love your mother?  That sounds strange, but it can happen (it has happened to me).  I have no respect for my mother.  I can tell this because I appauld those that talk against her!

I honestly wish you all the best and say at least you have your brothers on your side!  I am the only one who will not tolerate her behaviour.

Sorry if I have been talking too much about my situation, but I feel that it can be a sort of comfort, knowing that people understand you.

Answer 4

Im kinda going thtru the same situatioln, my mom is 77 and she has

a huge home, but she cant take care of it anymore, its 2 stores,

like 7 bedrooms, and her mind isnt wat it used to, she doesnt want

to do anything, nor sell it, rent it. But I have this brother who is an

alcoholic, he wants to sell it and drink the money away. Im torn in

different directions so I know where youre coming from. Its sad and

depressing sometimes, I dont want to push my mother into selling

but I know I have to make a decision pretty soon, she cant be alone

much longer, so my best advice is to talk to your brothers, and you

dont say how old is your mom but if you can get her evaluated by

a psiquiatrist maybe you guys can freeze her assets, becasuse

shes not mentally stable to make decisions at the moment, thats

what I did temporarily, because I didnt want my brother to go behind

my back and sell her property. Protect her from her own actions.

Later she might come to her senses.  Good luck and god bless!!!

Answer 5

it is very difficult to solve when it involves family that you really love and all you try to do is help them not make any mistakes but too them you are the bad guy. family needs too keep together and not fight love one another have you and your brothers tried sitting down and talking to your mom over this issue and explain like adults that all your trying too do is look after her casue you love her. if she still can't except this then i would continue with what you are doing and go on with your own life you always have your brothers. i myself is in a family conflict and the only thing i could do was walk away and live my own life. hope everything works out for you and your family good luck good bless

Answer 6

im sorry that you are put in such a situation

but i think you are on the right track (although a very hard, rough track)

you are doing everything you can, even have a lawyer involved to set your mother straight, she is very lucky to have a responsible daughter like you.

maybe try talking to her one to one.

look her straight in the eye, dont sugar coat anything, and tell her that her life is way out of control and that its hurting you and your brothers, and mostly its hurting herself more than anything

maybe even get her a counselor so she can talk about some past relationship problems and have somewhere to vent and get her own life on the right track.

Answer 7

Your mom sounds like she may be on drugs.  Snoopp and find out and get her help.  Dont sign anything.  If she wants to get mad let her.  Dont argue just walk away.  Tell your brother to go to Dr. and get something like Cymbalta to deal with this depressing matter.  It really helps.  It releases feel goodendorphinss.  If you have a roof over your head for ever by the papers then get someone to talk some sense into her that she admires.  If there is anyone.  Pray and Pray Hard!!!!!