My brother’s soon-to-be wife is being a Bridezilla, Help? ?

Question

Before the wedding her and I were friends, now I am not sure I even want to see her. I was asked to be in the wedding and said yes. I have been in a few. She first had a breakfast to allow, what I thought was everyone an opportunity to go pick out there dresses, but I was wrong. Everyone but I and my sister had already picked out the dresses. I was left with the ugliest and most expensive dress at the store. I learned this at the breakfast in front of all her family. I promised her at the beginning that I would go get my hair done with her the day of the wedding before all of this started. I also told her I was going to give her a bachelorette party. I was told a few weeks ago that I had to have my hair a certain way. Not comfortable with the dress itself I was planning on wearing my hair a way to help hide things. Then I was told I had to get my shoes at a certain place. A few days later I was told that my boyfriend would not be aloud to come, being the only single person over 20. Then when I wanted to try to make nice with her and we went to dinner she told me I need to give her $25 to help her sister give her the bridal party, and that she wouldn’t be in my wedding next year. Now that I explained that I was not giving her the $25, I was giving her the other party she said don’t give me the party then. I am not going to give her the money, so don’t comment back that. I have already spent $400 and still have about $200 to spend on my hair, nails, shoes, and then they are telling me I have to give them a $200-$400 gift.

P.S: In the middle of all this I tried to get out of being a Bridesmaid, but as to make piece with my mom I am still in the wedding as of today.

Answer 1

No she's not. That's how it works. You can always opt out. Just be prepared for the fallout.

Answer 2

  be flat out with her and say you just cant afford it.   because in all honesty, if she wants you to look a certain way, SHE should be footing the bill.  and if her sister needed money from you then her sister should have asked for it not you.  just be firm about it.  yeah i realize its her day and all but its your brothers day too, and if she is causing bad blood in the family, thats no way to start a marraige.  cause all that c**p on TOP of a $200 gift and the fact that im sure you have other day to day non wedding related expenses?  uh uh.  if she wants you to look like she wants you to, then she needs to foot the bill.

Answer 3

I really don't understand the dress selection issue as you wrote it...  Anyway, she's not really out-of-line in asking her attendants to wear a certain dress, shoe or hair in a certain way.  But if the hairstyle is making you uncomfortable, let her know and hopefully she will understand.  

As far as your boyfriend, couple's are only really obligated to invite couples who are married.  However, being that you are in the wedding, and getting married, they should offer an invite to your boyfriend.  Remember, the guest list is not only about her but your brother too...so talk to him about your frustrations with not being able to bring your boyfriend.

As far as the money and parties: only give what you can afford.  Attendants (and Brides) make the mistake of thinking they should go for broke to participate in a wedding and that is not the case.  Your future Sister-in-law should have told everyone upfront what the costs would be.  But it sounds like you don't want pay because of the issues, and not that you can't afford it.  I mean, if you were planning a party for her in the first place, wouldn't you have spent $25 and more? As far as the gift, NO ONE should tell you what you should give as a gift. PERIOD.

Bottomline: weddings are one day.  Unfortunately, many Brides don't look beyond that day and end up damaging many old and future relationships during their wedding planning...and it's not worth it. Do your part to keep the peace:  wear the ugly dress, give the $25, don't give her another party, give what you can afford for a gift, and be ok with her not being in your wedding...it's probably for the best.

Answer 4

It seems like you should talk extensively with your brother, especially about the monetary situation and the fact that your bf can't go.

Making peace with your mother does not mean you should be treated undignified by your soon to be sister-in-law.

Answer 5

You got a fun one there!  Some brides take it way overboard trying to make things perfect and they make everyone miserable.  

If you really cant afford her choices, tell her!  

Do what you can, don't go overboard

And if you are engaged, then wedding etiquette states you are allowed to bring a guest!  

Answer 6

if she wants you to look a certain way (hair, make up etc) then tell her she needs to pay for it. So far, it looks like she has railroaded you into being in this wedding but not giving you even a say on how you wear your hair. I'm sorry, s***w the peace, she is doind that to you. Tell her you will not be in her wedding and ask that she repay you for your expenses since you most likely will never wear that dress again. Tell your mom, if she wants to keep the peace, she can trade places with you. She be the bridemaid and you be the mother of the groom.

Answer 7

its a very stressful time in a girls life to plan a wedding. and you calling her a bridezilla doesn't help the situation. its a privilege to be in someones wedding. and remember you asked her to be in it. and the bad dress and hair style you dont like is all part of it. and if you haven't been with your boyfriend for over 6 months she doesn't need to invite you with a date. and if you have talk to her nicely about it. its really the maid of honors job to collect money for parties and such. so i agree with you there. but remember its your brothers wedding too so if you have to just do it for him then thats what you have to do. and chances are after all the stress of the wedding passes you'll be great friends again  

Answer 8

Sheesh what a brat. Out of curiosity how young is she? She doesn't sound more than 18-21. That said, she is micromanaging the details too much. She does not dictate who gives a shower and how much you are to spend on a wedding gift. I would cancel your party immediately and not give it another thought. Talk to the sister throwing the party if she would like you to contribute and give the money directly to her, not hte bride.The way she is behaving, she is lucky she will get a gift from you at all. How can she actually tell you that you have to spend $200-$400 on a gift?? She does not know your budget and has no excuse for demanding this.

And how rude is it not to invite your fiance? I can see if you haven't been with a bf that long but you are engaged and it is downright rude not to invite your fiance. Too bad you can't just back out and be a regular guest.  

Answer 9

I think you are confused about the responsibilities of the wedding party.  It should have been made clear from the beginning that the

Maid of Honor is the assistant to the bride.  She plans the party, takes the bride to the hair & nails salon, and shops for all the accessories with her.  A bridesmaid really just has to help out once in a while, decorate, and pay for whatever outfit and accessories the two pick out.  You kinda overstepped your boundries here and would think the MOH has a beef with you, not the bride.

I promise that a bride will never pick an ugly dress to put in her wedding.  You may think it ugly, but she does not.  Brides for the most pick matching color shoes, matching accessories, and want either up-doo's or curled hair.  It's the bride's choice and you really don't have a say in it.

I think it rude that any Bride would ask for money for her own party.  This is the duty of the MOH.  If you have been asked to donate, go talk with the MOH first.  And don't forget to cancel your party. It's also rude to tell anyone how much to spend on them for their own wedding present.  That is totally up to you, and you alone.  

Hope this nightmare will be over for you soon.  And best luck to the Groom, cause he's the one who will need it most.  

Answer 10

To a certain extent then yes you should do what she wants, BUT if she is making you do and pay for things you don't want then SHE should pay, she should compromise!!

When i got married i paid for the bridesmaids dresses, hair accessories, and for the hair dresser to do their hair.

I let them wear their own shoes!!!

SHE should be paying for it all

That's what we do here in the uk