My child has a cousin over and they keep arguing, and mine keeps acting like a sulk, won't give it up. Help.

Question

My 8 yr old, 75lbs., has a cousin that's 11, 115lbs. I am really close to his mom and we try our best to keep them friendly. . They act awesome sometimes, and others, like yesterday and today, (sleepover) not so great. There is some history of them not getting along, more than getting along. When mine picks a movie the other one will say it's stupid, when the other one picks an activity mine will say no I don't like that. They each try to be the others boss. The older one will tell mine he picks dumb things, and then mine acts like the whole world hates him and he is stupid. Self esteem shot. Mine will try to get bossier and snottier then and the older one intimidates him because he is MUCH stronger. Mine will walk by and push him or cousin will punch him.

This is all dealt with right away, but obviously not the right way, because it's still happening. We hav tried talking about family values - we tried separating themfor a couple week, I've sent him home before...

Answer 1

just give them what they want....

Answer 2

first of all, tell them if you they can survive 1 day without saying anything mean, give them a treat. keep doing this every day.

Answer 3

Perhaps it's time to give up and realize that they just don't like each other and will act up every time they are forced to be together. Stop the sleepovers. When you and your cousin get together, have separate activities for the kids. Yes, it would be wonderful if everyone got along but if you guys keep trying to make them be best friends, it's not going to work. Give them space and respect. You and your cousin can continue to be close without your kids being close. And who knows, maybe when they are older, they will get close if everyone just leaves them alone.

Answer 4

They both sound spoiled to me.  Let them work it out or punish them both every time they act like spoiled brats.  On top of that boys will be boys and sometimes they just need a good fight to get along.

Answer 5

Seems to me the main thing you need to do is stay in control of the situation. The kids are taking over.

You be the one to tell them what they are going to do -- no  more giving choices, since they can't agree. You choose, the activity, you choose the game, you choose the video. That will put a stop to the fighting. As for the sulking ... let them sulk! You can't MAKE a child stop sulking, it's a choice they made for themselves. But what you do is PAY NO ATTENTION to them while they're sulking.

If they get physical with one another, put a stop to it at once by separating them and giving them a time out in separate rooms. No one likes time out. They'll learn what is acceptable behavior and what isn't.

You can't make the kids get along, but you can control their behavior and environment. It sounds like you need to make some ground rules, and then stay involved to make sure they're followed.

Answer 6

Thats tough, keep parenting, and maybe they will grow out of it. Make sure you and mom are on the same page about talking with the kids.

Answer 7

My son and my husband's nephew doesn't get along that well either. (COUSINS too) Sometimes personalities just clash i say. Plus i didn't get along with half of my cousins until we got older. Just don't force them to hangout and play if they truly just don't get along.That could only make it worse.... Let them come around on their own....

Goodluck to you! I know how frustrating this can be!

Answer 8

Just because they are cousins doesn't mean they're friends.  I have one cousin that we'd get into scratching, hair pulling fights every time she came by, which was not often.

I think taking turns might be a good idea.  Jason gets to pick the movie, and John gets to pick the activity afterward.  Next time they switch.

TX Mom

Answer 9

maybe no more sleeps overs unless its a  child of the same age!! I would be bored out of my mind if i was 11 & had to play with an 8 yr old!