My child is compulsively lying...how do I stop her?

Question

I recently got married, and my 8 year old was complaining that whenever I went to work and he was home to watch her, he was beating her with a belt, swearing at her, punching her in the stomach, dragging her by the arm, etc. He denied everything. The worst part came when she said he touched her down there, and I decided to invest in some hidden spy cameras and see it all for myself.

Every day she claimed he beat her with a belt, the videos showed nothing of the sort, other than him screaming at her due to her foul, mouthy attitude. The only physical contact I saw was him picking her up and roughly putting her into bed and shouting for her to stay there or else. I also asked if he touched her, and she said yes--that he came in the bathroom when she was taking a bath and touched her. The videos proved he never even went in the bathroom when she was in there.

I am extremely furious that this 8 year old is deliberately trying to destroy a perfectly good relationship. How do I stop this?

Answer 1

sounds like your child is jealous, which is normal. plan activities and girls day out with her and share little things with her that makes her feel like you two are closer than you are with anyone else. then maybe she'll see that you have a relationship with him , but it's totally dif from hers and yours. she may start to feel like your #1 which she should be.

Answer 2

Yes, counseling!  She is angry and crying out for help.  And of course you are angry because she is doing this to you and your husband!  Wow, she heard that from somewhere that she could cry rape.  I wonder?  I have to commend you for getting proof before taking action!

My daughter is bipolar and does some of these antics.  That's why I haven't even dated in 7 years and probably won't until she leaves home...  If that ever happens.  But get help.  And I have to warn you that not every therapist can touch this issue.  cognitive therapy might be better than play therapy.  She obviously knows he isn't allowed to do certain things, so why does she need play therapy?  Just keep working on it until you get the right person.

Answer 3

ask her why she is lying like this, and why does she want to break you guys up. Maybe she feels threatened that you and your husband are spending to much time and not including her. or have some one on one time with her like take her to get her nails painted or a massage. and tell her you guys are best friends she has to be honest with you. Hope this helped

Answer 4

First off did he know that you set up the camera if so- not good. Hopefully you gave her the benefit of the doubt just in case.

She feels threatened by him being there and doesn't like him or maybe just doesn't want a replacement dad. Try to spend more time with her go on picnics and things where you all go as a family. Also let her know that she doesn't have to like him she just has to be respectful and make sure you lock the tapes up (safety deposit box or somewhere she can't get them) because if she ever calls CPS or teacher on him you both will be scrutinized. After they are secure let her know you set up hidden cameras and filmed what went on and she was lying and if you have to show her a copy of it. Then ask her why she would lie on someone like that. Reassure her you love her and he can never REplace her real father but they can be friends.

Answer 5

does he know that she said these things? If he knows maybe he's not doing them because of the fear of getting caught.

If I were you, I would take my daughter to some counseling. Family counseling. That way she can talk to you about what is really bothering her. Obviously something is happening. Either he really is doing these things to her, or she is really upset about having to share you. Either way, I think you should get some help.

And if it is that he's doing those things to her, make sure that it's the last thing he ever does.

Answer 6

Seems that there are deeper issues than dishonesty going on here.  If your 8 year-old is "mouthy" and "foul", then it's apparent that there were issues going on prior to your determining that she is lying. Quite honestly, you need to seek counseling for her and for yourself and your husband. Getting to the bottom of her behavior means determining why the behavior started in the beginning.

Answer 7

Maybe its an attention thing.  She feels like your giving him more attention to him than you are her.  Talk to her and let her know that you know shes lying and that her lies can hurt people and get her into trouble as well.  Or like the first post...counseling.

Answer 8

Based on the severity of her lies I would suggest counseling. Obviously there is something going on that is upsetting her. Does she see her father? Could he be planting ideas into her head? The next time she lies tell her that you have proof that she is lying. Show her the video tapes. Then ask her why she feels it is necessary to tell these vicious lies. Maybe once she knows that she is caught and you know she is lying she will tell you what is really going on. Also she needs to know that there are consequences for lying. She needs to be punished no matter what her reasoning is. Obviously the lying is not the only behavioral issue you have with her, so I would recommend meeting with a behavioral therapist. They can evaluate the situation and help you figure out what the best course of actions is. I would recommend confronting your daughter immediately before she starts telling these lies to a teacher or a friends parent who will end up contacting the police.

Answer 9

She just upset and she's not dealing well with the change. She probably doesn't like having this man (nothing YOU tell her is going to change her mind) in your house. Next weekend just have  a family outing. Keep doing things as a FAMILY (the 3 of you, no more, no less) and eventually she'll get used to him and she mature up.

Trust me, I'm fianally out of her stage (Don't worry I'm not 8, I'm 13 but I totally understand what she's going through)

Answer 10

sounds like the 3 of you need some family counseling ASAP

Answer 11

Maybe your child is trying to do everything she possibly can imagine to break you two up. I'm guessing he is not her biological father, and so she might not be used to the new situation. I don't think your new husband knows about the hidden cameras, so he would not deliberately not perform the actions your daughter is confronting him of. I would suggest you all bond from time to time, and gradually things will get better.

Answer 12

she doesnt like your husband.

plain and simple.

she wants him out of her life for good.

[and if she is clever enough to make stuff up about that. you have a pretty smart little girl on your hands.]