My children are destructive. How do I correct that?

Question

I am completely outnumbered and I need some help settling the chaos. I have 3 children - 4,2,and 1. My 4 year old is destructive. She'll get a drink and throw the cup in the floor, she'll pour drinks out on the carpet, she'll tear up DVD, she'll knock a pile of clean and folded clothes off into the floor... etc etc... I want to correct this for good before she teaches her little sisters that it is okay to act this way. Please help.

P.S. Before anyone says this - I do watch my kids. I'm split in 3 directions and she uses that to her advantage.

Answer 1

I recommend a "behavior chart" with the reward being an activity with you and her ONLY.  Let her help you make the chart, get some cool glitter, markers, stickers, etc. Go over your expectations with her every morning, for example,"Today, Sweet Pea, Mommy expects you to not throw or tear anything, etc. If you do a good job today, you will get a sticker on your chart, and if you get a sticker on your chart, then you get to do "x" with me."  Have it be little activities until she builds up to a full week with a sticker every day, and then that is when you take her to the library, Hobby Lobby to do a craft together, or something along those lines.  This is going to take some effort on your part, and even though you have your hands full, you will have to be disciplined with this in order to get her out of this destructive behavior, as well as protect your other kids from learning it.

Answer 2

call supernanny or nanny 911

or just try watch those shows, they deal with those situations all the time teaching you how to handle it

you can also youtube the shows if you dont have tv channels showing them

basicaly they deal with geting down on the kids level, gain eye contact and explain to them what they are doing wrong, and that if they do not stop it they have to go to the naugthy stool. If it dont stop they are placed on the stool for the amount of min that they are year olds, then you go back explain again why they are there and have them repeat it back while apologising to you, then get a hug.

If they leave they are put back without discusion, if they dont apologise they get another period on the stool, its a game of patience that allow the kid to learn to think things through, and see that their acting out wont help...aka that no mather what they do the parent is in control, and it teach the kids to listen to you as well as apologising for their errors.

It teaches the kid also how to deal with difficult situations (non violent), which is a nesicary skill as they grow older. Kids who are disciplined with angry shouting or by spanking etc, are more likely to resort to solve their issues through these methods as well, both with their parents and other kids.

Basicaly you are their rolle model, what you do set a prescidence to how to deal with things. A lot of the problem homes these shows go into the parent unsuccessfully have been trying spanking or the like, as well as high shouting warning voices, and the kids learned to take after them making things 10 times worse.

also do not place a small kid in a room for 15 min, this goes very much against the whole time out method, because the time feels so long for them that they feel they are on death sentance when they hear time out, so they migth as well act up as much they can, because they are going to be there forever it dont mather. This is a common mistace parents do in the time the nanny leave them in the show when they loose their temper...kids are trying to make you loose it, the moment you loose control, they gained it, and they know it. The rule is that time is relevant for age, so for your 4 year old the time out is 4 min before geting a chanse to apologise.

These methods work wonders in teaching the kid to respect you and listen to you, not just today but down the road as well, and you have to induce that into them as young. And dont say they are too young, their ability to understand is based on how good you are at teaching them to do so, there are plenty kids who ready handed write their name, do math, read simple books etc at 4-5 years of age. By teaching her you expect her to understand, you will get her to put in an effort to learn to understand, which will mean she will progress from it as she get older, and be smarter and more mature then kids who wasnt given the chanse to excell mentaly.

The bigest disfavor parents do their kids these days is not giving them the chanse to learn, but expect them to not know or have the ability to understand, and the differences are big between the homes who "got it" and those who didnt. Kids who are raised smart enough to think through things get into a lot less trouble then kids who aint.

Answer 3

there are many forms of discipline that you can try. timeout for small things like tantrums. a spanking when she breaks things. if you aren't a spanker then take her toys away and tell her she can get her toys back and if when she behaves take them all away if you have to and tell her for each day she behaves she will get one toy back. once you start getting firm and strict she will stop her behavior. when she spills juice on the floor make her clean it. if you don't already.

Answer 4

Maybe she is feeling left out because the younger kids need more from you.  I think she might be trying to get your attention.  Try asking her to help you with things around the house.  Tell her you need her to be a big sister and help with things like changing, feeding, etc.  That was she won't feel left out and will feel more connected to you and her younger siblings.

If she is destructive take away privileges.  When she is behaving always let her know how happy it makes you when she behaves well, that's very important.  Children always look for approval from their parents.

Your situation is a hard one, I know...I used to teach preschool at an understaffed daycare.  Try having ten 3 yr olds..ha!  Just be consistent in whatever you do decide.  If you tell her you are going to do something...do it!  Don't count to 3, don't tell her to wait til you get home...take IMMEDIATE action in all situations and let her know she needs to behave or there will be consequences.  If u are in a store, leave the store then and there to let her know you WILL correct the situation right away.

This will take time, but overall I think she is just looking for attention.

Answer 5

i will try and answer this as best as i can cos i dont know what you actually do in theses situations but i think the key is Constancy. Be very firm speak to her at her own level with eye contact and say no, that is unacceptable and give suitable punishment either ban tv no desert after dinner etc. explaining why you are punishing her. try and get her to apologize for what she has done and give her a great big cuddle. also i know you will be pressed for time with 2 other kids but try and spend some 1 to 1 time with her, maybe when the younger kids are asleep, talk about how her day has been, tell her how much you love her and how as the big sister she has to set a good example and give her some responsibilities to make her feel important and reward her with stickers each day she is good., if she gets 5 or more stickers in 1 week give her a choice of going some place of her choice eg theme park, fun fair etc. hopefully then this phase will pass hope this helpsx

Answer 6

Tell her next time she does something like that she will receive a spanking. If she defies you follow through and give her a good spanking. Sometimes you have to be harsh. I don't know if you are a non-spanker but this definitely is calling for a good spanking.

Answer 7

Well you just need to chose what kind of punishment you want to do with your children.  

It's important that they know the difference between right and wrong and the consequences that follow.

Just like if we break a rule, we go to jail.

I'm a fan of the timeout.  A non-violent approach.  Have her sit in a real boring room in a chair, facing the corner for 15-20 minutes at a time.

Or you can take away toys for a day, two days, or a week.

Or you can take away T.V.

Or you can take away pretty much anything that she enjoys for a certain period time.

Now is the time though to figure out your plan of attack on how to teach your kids consequences.  They are kids, so they are going to get in trouble at times.  But you need to insert a little fear in them, so they don't feel invincible.  But this doesn't mean violence of any sort.  

Good Luck

Answer 8

beat they ***...while u r beating them (with any random object) tell them what they are doing wrong and not to do it anymore...after being sore for a few days they will begin to think about doing these things with more whoopens. My mother used this method and it worked fine.

To the fellow who is a fan of timeout...you wonder why white people be so fucked up when yal r adults. You spoil your kids, timeout dont do sh*t. You wonder why your kids become serial killers n sh*t or why they hate yal n sh*t when they grow up. h**l, I wud wanna kill ppl if my parent bought me the world and made me sit in the corner everytime I did something wrong. Taking stuff away will only make them resent you, you are the ones spoiling your children in the first place by buying them everything. Then you take it away, they build up anger in their hearts. If you wanna insert fear into them, BEAT THEY ***, they will think before doing things, and become wonderful adults. Beat they *** they will appreciate it when they are adults, it is non-violent.

Answer 9

I, personally, am an advocate of spanking.  Not beating, but spanking.  It's a touchy subject, and I understand that not everyone is okay with it, but it did work for me as a child.  Children that young have yet to really have a grip on right from wrong, but boy, they understand that pain isn't good and if you associate that with wrong, they get it.

I do like the idea of Nanny 911.  That show works miracles and can provide clever ways to correct your children's behavior.  

Don't let your daughter leave the kitchen when she has a drink.  Make her sit there and finish it, or if she doesn't finish it, it STAYS at the counter/table and she can come back for more.  When she makes messes, she needs to be the one to clean it up.

Make sure that you're spending enough alone time with her, when the others are down for a nap or maybe you can even get a sitter and take your daughter out to the park or the movies.  She's probably acting out to get attention the only way she knows how.

I hope that helps!

Answer 10

Your child is jealous and seeking attention- try to have some   one on one time with each child   APART FROM THE OTHERS - have a sitter come by for a hour and take turns taking each child out for a while, she used to be the center   now she is Last in like because she is older.  

Have her help with the laundry folding and praise her how well she did, make her the MOMMY'S HELPER and praise her a lot and thank her good deeds.....she just wants your attention

Get a sitter and have some ALONE MOMMY TIME FOR YOURSELF TOO....

Answer 11

make her clean all her own messes, teach her some responsibility for her actions, then after she cleaned up the mess give her her punishment