My children are having a togh time adjusting to me going back to work, please help!

Question

Hi there,

i have 2 kids (aged 4 and 8), and i have finished college, and started working full time.

while i was at college, the kids were at school and nursey, but now its the summer holidays, and my job started 2 days into the holidays, so they are in a new routiene, and not spending as much time with me.

My 8 year old is finding it hard that i dont have as much time to spend with him, although i have tried to explain that we need the money, but he is just a child and money means nothing to him.

My 4 year old has started not sleeping, and also has started wetting the bed and himself.

what can i do to make sure that things go back to normal, and that my children are ok?

I love my job and my kids, and just want to earn money and get out of the house, but not to the detriment of my children!

Answer 1

Well, it sounds like your new routine has really startled and upset your children.  Your right, trying to tell them about money is not going to help matters... they know we have it, but not how hard we need to work to get it.  

First, let me offer you congratulations on your recent granduation!  I know that with kids and everything else... an education can be swept under the rug... you have truly worked hard to be able to provide for your family and should be proud of yourself.  

Now, because your kids are having some adjustment issues... I recomend the following.  Your life is hard now with you working, and I am sure that you are extra tired when you get home.  What you need to do, is wake up a bit early, offer your kids a sit down breakfast with mom, were you can play some word games or something of that sort (educational, but at the same time fun).  When you get home... make dinner and then make sure that you take the time to sit down and play with them.  Make sure that they have your undevided attention for an hour... playing video games, reading books, throwing a ball in the back yard... whatever it takes so that they know that they are still number one in your life.  

The bed wetting and trouble sleeping will go away after they adjust to the changes.  In the mean time, get some of thoes pads for the bed your little one sleeps in so that your clean up is easier.  Take the extra time to read him a bedtime story and if he needs it, hang out with him for a few days until he falls asleep.  If he does not have a night light, get him one and put a picture of your family on each of their night stands so that if he does wake up, it is you who he sees looking back.

Some support and a few tough months and you will most likely find yourself in a situation where your new routine becomes the norm... kids are resiliant and adjust well to changes.  If in the long run this does not work for you, there is no shame in counceling for your kids.  Some kids to have terrible attachment issues that need a bit more help to get over them.  

None of these behaviors are new or obscure so you are not alone in this situation.  Take a look online and see if you can also find yourself an online forum for mothers returning to work like yourself.  You also need someone to talk to... your state of mind is just as important as that of your children.  Yes, we always put our children first... but if your mind is troubled, they can tell.  If you just need someone to vent to... talk to... or just have "coffee talk" please feel free to email me here through YA and I will give you my regular email address.  Sometimes... all we need is someone to listen to us.  Good luck and lots of love to you and your family.  

Answer 2

hi claire

firstly im not going to slay you for doing this as im a single mother myself i know how hard this is all you want for your children are for them to have a safe and happy life where they can have nice things and you dont have to save years in order to get them those things well thats ok its nice that you have gone back to work but your kids dont realise this they probably think you dont want to spend time with them why dont you sit them down and explain to them that you love them very much but you need to work in order for them to have nice things the 8 year old should understand this but im not sure about your 4 year old wetting the bed or himself try talkin to him comfort him show him you still love him and if that fails go see your doctor thats all i can suggest really i hope it all works out for you x

Answer 3

Is "getting out of the house" worth doing this to your kids?

What did you do financially before while in school? You say you need the money...but how did you get by while going to school? Are you married I take it?

Children are more important than any college, any job, and money. You can see the effects it has on them to not be there. When they're adults, do you want them to remember Mommy had to "get out of the house" and had no time for me, or Mom made do so we could be together?

Ultimately, it is your finances, your conscience. Do what you must.

Answer 4

i just wanted to praise you for your acomplishments. i too am about to go back to work and worried my son will have a hard time adjusting.  here is my plan:

1- do not be discouraged, kids have a hard time adjusting to anything new and different whether it is good or bad.  in time, they will adjust.

2- speak positively about your new career, in ways they can appreciate.  like, we can go on weekend holiday in a couple months because of mum's new job

3-stick to a routine and do not alter it, or let poor behvior slide because you are feeling bad that the kids feel bad

4-speak positively of what nursery and school.  how proud you are of them, and be involved know what they are doing and learning.

Answer 5

good on u for wanting to make a better life for yr kids, they will adjust to it i think i have done both stay at home mum and working mum. my eldest daughter has just graduated and her son has been in full time nursery for quite a while hes nearly 2 now.  shes starting a f/t job in september and he will go to nursery 3 days and to me 2 days as they are moving near me, however my second daughter has 3 children and doesnt work she is there for them all the time but they are always short of money. u cant say either is the right thing to do u have to do what u think is best for yr kids and u.  good luck.