My children are my life,daddy has gone to Iraq. And I'm having lots of problems with them.?

Question

Our little girl is five, she dosent wont go to school. I have problems every moring getting her to go.How can i help her. Our boys are doing bad in school. Our nine yr. old has been bad. Our tewevel & fourteen yr. old has been suspened from school. I'm trying to hold my family together. Please any advise would help.

Answer 1

1) the person above me is insensitive and should keep his mouth shut. im sick of seeing people like this on here and in the world in general.

2) my brother spent two years overseas, and i baby sat for a family of kids who's dad was overseas. the only thing to be done is to keep your family rules, be consistent and understanding, seek counseling for yourself and your kids if needed. let the kids send mail to him, encourage your husband to send them mail (if he's not already). show your kids how to make care packages for him. if he has computer access and webcam access let the kids see him and they will be able to see that he is okay. my brother's second son was born while he was gone....the baby eventually ran to the computer everytime someone asked him where his daddy was! funny and sad in one shot. hope this helps, and i know how difficult it is. im sorry for your hard times.

Answer 2

I am in the same postition as you good luck

Answer 3

Use any and all resources at your disposal, clergy, the school system, make them help you, friends, family, families others who have been sent overseas, therapy, getting them to talk to someone about what they are feeling might help. The same applies to you. Most of all talk to them, let them know that youre feeling the same way they are. Youre also sad, mad, scared, ect. And that you are all in it together, that theyre not alone and you'll all be there for each other.

Answer 4

i have been in your shoes.  my twins were in the 3rd grade when dad went to iraq.  my children knew everything, we did not hide it from them.  if they had questions i answered them.  if it was a rough night we cuddled and talked about dad.  i was lucky enough my husband had internet access and we emailed, and instant messaged alot.  on weekends they would get to voice chat with dad.  i know that is not an option for alot.  try and get the kids to write letters to dad. tell them they can write, tell, say anything.  

you dont say if you are on a base or not, but if you are local to a base there are MANY MANY resources for your situation.  we have a small guard base and many of the active duty resources were hard to come by.  there is alot of help available just for those situations.  

http://www.militaryonesource.com/skins/M...

there is help there 24/7.  talk to your schools counselors and teachers to be sure they are aware of what is going on in your household.  

my best advice.....pull the bootstrings tight and "mommy-up".  it can be hard i know, (i have been a military wife for 15 years and mommy for 10).  hold your head high and be proud, tell your children they are special, and that their dad is special.  They are doing something that many cannot understand.  I had/have a strong exterior and am strong for my children, and at night, or when im alone, i do whatever makes me feel better, some nights i cried, some nights i was mad as *ell for being alone.  

try and find some help either from the military family, or from a counselor that is accustomed to dealing with the military life style.  talk to your kids, explain things to them, encourage them to write dad, pick out things to send dad, make care packages, get them invovled.  

i am a very proud military wife, and my children are also very proud.  they told anyone that would listen where their dad was and what he was doing.  the military family is a speical breed.  be proud, be strong, and hold your head high.  

i would contact family services or the military one source for more help.  sounds like you all need someone to talk to.

Answer 5

My uncle is in the Australian Army and I feel nothing but extreme pride in his service to our country overseas, but his children didn't see it that way.

They saw it as an attack on themselves, children don't understand that when a government says go, the soldiers HAVE to go, children will see it as thier father making a choice to leave.

Try and assert a sense of pride and patriotism in them, but that will be difficult.

They also probably see you as only half a leader since dad is overseas so they think they can play up more now.

You are probably doing all the right things, and I know how worried you would be about your husband, so maybe normal teenage behaviour is affecting you more because your hubby is fighting in a wartorn country.

My personal advice, look after yourself too! It is a difficult time for everyone in the family, you are on your own and that would be hard. Just try and have lots of talks and cuddles, and don't let them get the better of you! Just because one authority figure is gone, that doesn't mean there is no authority.

I wish your husband a safe return, you deserve it

Answer 6

Wow.  Do you have a church that you go to?  Pastors give family counseling, or you could go alone and try to gain some ways of coping/dealing with your children.  You have a lot of children to handle on your own, and of varying ages, so that alone is a lot to do.  Can you sit them all down and talk to them about what's going on?  Your oldest kids, especially, are old enough to help you out around the house.  Do they have chores to do?  Is this just something since your husband has been gone, or have they always been this way, but now it's hard because it's just you handling them?  Can their father call/write to them personally and tell them what he wants them to do and how they need to be helpful, etc. while he is there protecting them and all Americans?  I don't know.  I would try for the professional help of some kind, if you can't sit them all down for a family talk.

As for the five year old that doesn't want to go to school, has she told you why?  Does she miss you, and worry since her daddy is gone that you may leave, too.  Or is someone picking on her at school?  It's not too uncommon for kids not to want to go to school, but be careful that she doesn't hear anything about the others being suspended, and begins to think that that's the way things are.

One thing, though, I wouldn't say they are bad, but are acting out for whatever reasons.  Try to find someone you trust to talk to.