My childrens father does not want me talking to his fiance.....?

Question

My exes fiance called me last night asking if I had seen, heard from or knew where he was. I told her that our oldest daughter had spoken to him on the phone about 15 minutes prior and that he was at work. She thanked me and said she had forgotten that he worked that night.

Some background, my ex has a very serious seizure condition, he is also a recovering alcoholic (possibly fell off the wagon, displaying the behaviors he has when drinking). When one can't find him it is scary, not only for me but for his fiance and there son. You never know if he had a seizure while riding to work and is lying on the ground somewhere undiscovered.

He yelled at me this morning about talking to her about anything. I basically told him that she is an adult, a responsible one at that, and that if she chooses to lift the phone and ask me for help concerning him that I would be perfectly willing to give her that help.

What would you do in this situation, should I stay out of it even though......

Answer 1

I think you are very mature about this and you are definitely doing the right thing.

Answer 2

I think you and her are both handeling things beautifully. It's always a good thing when the women can be civil with one another. He's obviously getting angry for a reason, imo probably because he's fallen into old habits, and knows he can't keep it a secret. Or he may just be embarrassed that he needs people to make sure he's ok..that's also logical.

I think you did the right thing, and I'd continue helping his finace out if she needs it. If he continues being angry, I'd simple tell him again "we are simply concerned for your well being, and that isn't going to stop." He should be happy he has 2 women that care and want things to be ok.

Answer 3

You did nothing wrong.  If he has a problem with the fiance talking to you, he should take it up with her.  He has very little to say about anything you do any longer.

Answer 4

You are doing the right thing. Continue to speak to her if she contacts you. his personal and medical history, not to mention that there are children involved, are enough to warrant you telling her where he is if you know.

But I might tell him that if he cannot be cordial with you, that you will not speak to him until he has calmed down. He was in the wrong to get upset with you, and I see it as a red flag.

Answer 5

She called you so he needs to go back to her and talk with her. You didn't pick up the phone and call her. Besides, with medical problems he should be happy that people are concerned and not get mad because someone get worried about him.

Answer 6

It sounds as though he's doing something he shouldn't be and doesn't want to be discovered.  I think your suspicion that he's fallen off the wagon is right on the money.

Answer 7

well i see that kind of wrong i wouldnt talk to my exes fiance unless something happen and we were friends and i dint know that her fiance was my ex then i find and of course that was the past to  me so i will still be her friend but if was you i wouldnt talk to her you know not in bad way but just say was necessary plus he problably thinks that you going to start saying stuff about him to her since you was his wife or gurlfriend whatever it is you feel me.

Answer 8

You did the right thing. She is an adult and so are you. If she wants to call you up and ask something, and you answer, it's none of his business.

Honestly, it's a little odd that he was so adament about this, and I'd probably be a bit suspicious.

It sounds as if you are clearly the more mature person in this situation.

Answer 9

Sounds like your ex might just be having a bad day & taking it out on you (or anyone else that he can deflect his problems on to at the time).  We all have days like that, I think.

You are perfectly right in saying "She called me.  She asked me questions.  I answered them."  You weren't doing anything wrong.  Sounds like you were and are respectful to him & about him.  

I'd just let this blow over & keep on doing things the way you are doing them.  I think it's awesome that you have a good relationship with both of them!

Answer 10

i was married to an alcoholic for 15 years and just in the past two years have had to remove myself and my children from his life. which he found very upsetting and he acts the same way about his " People" he calls them. i have told him that if he does not wish me having any conversation with them that he find a way to not make them worry where they feel the need to ask me if i would know where he is. from experience, he probably is hiding something from her and doesn't want you to give her any insight in what he may be doing. even if you don't know what it is that he is doing....alcoholics are very paranoid!!! and for a point of fact if his seizures are getting that bad , he shouldn't be driving anyway. not just for his safety but for everyone Else's..

Answer 11

its just you no far to much personal information he ,s not quit told her yet but she will find out later ?

Answer 12

I don't see what the problem is with her calling you when she is worried. And I think it's great that you two can talk, it sets a good example for your kids. So I would just not worry about it and continue to help her if needed. He will be thankful if he is ever in trouble that you two could talk and figure out where he was.