My childs father is bi-polar... Advice?

Question

Im a single mom... my daughters biological father is such a deadbeat... How do I move on with my life? Its kills me to look at her every day and see him... Hes bi-polar, so some days he is fine, but other days he is the most horrible person Ive ever met. I just dont know how to handle it. If I continue to allow him to be like this, she wont understand when shes older. How do I tell her "Im sorry hunny, your daddy is in a bad mood today and wont see you"?

Please, any advice would be perfect! And please dont be rude. I posted something about this a few days ago... and people kept telling me "not to sleep with worthless bums".... :(

Answer 1

My mother is Bi-Polar and i take offense to you saying he's a dead beat, he has an actual problem that is extremely hard to defeat ... on one of his good days talk to him about going onto a medication. Explain to him how you feel, where his manic/depressive states will affect  your child. Being Bi-Polar is more than just having a bad day or being in a bad mood, it's "I don't want to live anymore" ... and maybe he doesn't want to see her because he knows that the way he's feeling isn't healthy for her to be around.

Answer 2

Children are not stupid.  They can understand bipolar a lot earlier than you think they do.  Many bipolar moms have raised children - some would have done better had dad been involved.  Just a point though - bipolar is considered an inheritable condition, so it is possible your daughter MAY develop it later.

My sister is bipolar, so I can understand your issue.  She was very much a contributing member to society up until her bipolar just became so bad she couldn't function.  Maybe he is there already, I don't know.   My suggestion is to just work with visitation as you can knowing that maybe you have to be a little flexible so he can see her on good days, since bad days aren't so great.

Note here. If he is unable to work, he should apply for Social Security.

Answer 3

My ex husband is bi-polar as well.  it is very hard to understand your situation unless you have lived through it.  Is he on any medication?  That would be one thing that can help the situation alot.  If you start to see your daughter effected my his "moods" insist that he get on/take his meds or you will go to court and have it put in your agreement.  that is what i did and he takes them well now.  Unfortunatly medicine doesnt solve everything.  when your daughter gets old enough talk to her and help her understand that he has a "condition"..  knowing this will help her see his moods arent becuase of her.

Answer 4

You need to do what's best for the child here.

It sounds like the father isn't doing much to keep his "illness" or whatever they call it now, under control.

Or are you not living with the father?  If not, make HIM tell her this, and then you tell him he either get's it under control, or he can't see her until he does, for her own sanity.

Answer 5

I have close contact with people with bi-polar disorder. My half brother and sister and their father all suffer from it and it truly needs to be understood as an "illness" to overcome it and find ways of living with it. Try googling information - the more informed you are, the more confident you can feel in knowing possible warning signs and how to deal with them. Your biggest priority as you rightly recognise is now your daughter - you live your life for you and the best for her.

Is your daughter's father on meds at all? Bi-polar can be subdued and "calmed" as long as medication is taken. Some people choose not to take it for the side effects such as possible tiredness, nausea etc but ultimately - if he is intent on being a good, stable father figure - he needs to think of his daughter and go for it.

I personally think that if he is willing to meet you halfway and take steps towards controlling his behaviour - you will be just fine as a family. If not, you get up and go - your daughter growing up does not need to deal with bi-polar men. Medication is the responsible way forwards. As soon as meds are stopped for some sufferers - moodswings and bizarre behaviour heightens again and this could put your child in a dangerous/ threatening position. Good luck

Answer 6

Well that would be completely stupid to tell you that you shouldn't sleep with worthless bums..so..

My mother is bi-polar. And I'd say it took me some growing up and getting older to realize what was going on. I guess there's no way to really explain that to a child so she will just have to get a little older and then she will understand that sometimes daddys just not in the best mood. Children can sense when something isn't right with one parent.

Answer 7

My mother is bipolar as well. I think the best thing you can do is explain to her that her father does love her, but that daddy is sick and it makes him act in a bad way sometimes. If I were you, I would monitor any visits she does get with him. I know how quickly a person with bipolar can be set off. I hope he's getting treatment for his condition.