My childs father wants contact after 4 years(she is 5). Im remarried & she calls my husband daddy.

Question

I got a solictors letter yesterday from my ex partner saying he wanted start contact again.

My relationship ended beacuse my partner was abusive and lazy, and a compulsive liar. His family are very wicked minded and hate me and i cant help but feel as if this is being done out of spite because i have moved on with my life.

My daughter does not know him. ive never told her about him. i feel she is too young to understand yet. But it is something i definately would not keep from her. I just never thought it was going to be in these circumstances.

He left when she was a 1 1/2. He took me to court then for visitation rites, which i went along with, and he was entitled to see her, but after the first arranged visit, he never came back. that was sept 4 years ago. she got a christmas and birthday present that year (by post), and then that was it until now. He never contacted once, ive never seen him since that time.

He never paid any money towards her, her claimed he could not afford it as he was claiming benefits, (income support and dla!), and he was doing enough cash and hand work that would of given him plenty of money.

we got divorced. I met someone else. I got remarried last year, and had a second child. My life is finally on track. My child loves my husband to bits and calls him daddy.

This is going to completely turn her wee life up side down, i dont think its fair.

Is there anything i can do to stop him, legally?

We are about to start adoption proceedings,

Does anyone know how long that takes? (im from n ireland).

Can my husband adopt her even if my ex contests?

Thank you

Answer 1

i dont know the answer but i hope your new partner can adopt your daughter.....good luck.

Answer 2

Well first of all good for you for getting your life on track. Obviously your ex has a right to see his child, and it's really unfair that he's coming around after abandoning you both. I don't know much about legal stuff in the US never mind in Ireland, but I'm almost positive your husband can adopt your daughter, even if he contests because he no longer has custody of her and hasn't proven to be a supportive parent for the past years. She probably is too young to understand any of this, but hopefully as she gets older you'd be able to fill her in on more and more details so she can make her own decision about how she feels about her biological father and the man who is raising her now as her father. Until then I would seek legal advice and maybe a family counselor to see what your options are. I really hope it works out because you seem like a great mom who is looking for the best interest of her child and family, good luck!

Answer 3

Since you're from outside USA I don't know what the adoption laws are there. Here the biological parent has to give up their parental rights or the courts have to terminate them.

The only action I could recomend would be to see an attorney and go after the ex for back child support. Once he sees how much THAT will cost him, he will either back down or pay up. If he backs down I personally would suggest to him that you would be willing to drop the issue if he signs over his parental rights. If he won't then I would pursue him in court for the money he owes your daughter, and attach his wages if you have to. He shouldn't be able to just bounce into the child's life after him being absent for no good reason.

You have the back child support in your favor so I would use it. I wish you all the luck in the world

Answer 4

I do believe you ex is possibly doing this out of spite; however, I think she has a right to know who her father is.  The part that bothers me is how come you allowed her to call your husband daddy.  To me that is like trying to cover up that there was some guy that was a deadbeat dad, especially when the child is that young.  It's like you are trying to give her a "daddy" while she is young enough to not be able to remember her biological father.

Answer 5

Children, if they are told the truth, can be astonishingly pragmatic about things, if they are put well and straightforwardly.  My daughter lived with her grandmother as a toddler, whom she called "Gabble", but knew she responded to "Grandma" and didn't like my daughter's first attempt "Gaga". Later we went to visit her great-grandmother, which her mother called "Grandma".  Straight away, her great-grandmother acquired the name "Other Gabble".

Maybe if it comes to it, you can explain to your daughter that long ago, when she was too little to remember, she once had another daddy, but he went away, and so you got a new one for her, because all little girls need their daddies.  Her stepfather can therefore remain "Daddy" and your daughter's father can be "Other Daddy".

Answer 6

I'll tell you one thing my fiancé had a child with a woman who claimed she couldn't get pregnant(it was just a fling) and even though he doesn't see the child he still pays her and I really don't think it's fair the way he is being treated. but there is nothing he can do about it.he still has to pay for her, but since your situation is different i think you should go to the solicitor and get a proper advise. there isn't much he can do as the law isn't exactly on mens side in this country.You should point out that he didn't pay before and the court will make him pay or he will go to jail. the fact that he said he wasn't working doesn't really matter he still has to pay that money. as for your daughter she will be better off without that a*****e in her life. best of luck x*x