My cousin sexually abused me?

Question

when i was 10. i didnt tell anyone and 17 yrs since i moved on, went to college, got married to a wonderful man, have a adorable baby..this loser married too. i always prayed he stayed miserable for the rest of his pathetic life. but know what? everyone says his wife is a sweetie?! they all are crazy about her. i haven't met her yet and i dont want to. why did this happen? how can he snag a wonderful wife? that creep deserved garbage. should i tell his wife? he sure didnt repent. he never apologized. do you think i should tell his poor wife the truth? if it hurts their marriage?

Answer 1

you should tell someone, maybe go talk to the cops.. what if he has children and tries something with them

Answer 2

you should have told someone along time ago

because now he has control in your life wether you like it or not

you have to forgive him for what he did

because you wont be able to live a full life if you keep letting this hurt you

you have the right to be hurt tho

its better to deal with something when it happens then to harper on it for the rest of your life

you have a good life, focus on that

and karma is *****

im sure he'll gets what coming to him

Answer 3

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

You shouldn't have waited 17 years to do something about it.

I don't know what to tell you.  He might repeat his performance with his own children, but then his crime against you might have been because of opportunity.

Have you discussed this with your husband?  With a very good friend who doesn't know the cousin?  With one of your parents?  More personal points of view would be helpful in making your decision.

Answer 4

Someone I worked with knew that my baby sitter's husband was a pervert (he would jerk off in front of old ladies at Wal-mart) I had two small daughters.  I was furious that she knew and didn't warn me.  The girls said he didn't do that in front of them but they were just toddlers.  I would tell her...you don't want another person to suffer.  If it hurts his marriage then he wasn't honest about himself

Answer 5

I'd remind him of what he did. Seems like he "forgot". Then see what type of appology he can muster. If it doesn't fit what you expect, then h***s yeah, I would tell.

Hmm. So strange how so many men that answered this question are basically wanting you to sweep this under the rug and not tell his wife. Basically it sound like to me that yall think " yeah, we have no control over our bodies and No respect for Yours so just let it ride. Thinks will work out. He can have a nice little doe eyed wife that thinks he's an innocent sweet soul and you can move on Knowing Full well that he abused you".  I think that all of these self rightious Pigs should be shot and hung with their penises riped off at the root.

Answer 6

I want to say that it's amazing that you've even come on here and spoken about it, I have friends who have only ever told a single person about similar situations. I think you should take into account that 95% of sexual abuse goes unreported because people feel embarrassed or like people won't believe them but it is an issue that occured as a child and you need     to now process it as an adult. I'd consider seeing a counsellor to talk it through with and  then decide what you wish to do.

However do not let it consume your life or affect your beautiful marriage, but you deserve alot more than silence!

Answer 7

that's cruel. even if he hurt u, u would do much worse damage with what ur coming up with.

Answer 8

No....why drag her into something that you need to take up with him. I would have to gather up the strength and talk to him. You might be surprised to find out that maybe he has felt guilty, or not. Make him tell you just what he felt about it all. If he denies it then he may have a problem and I would just keep close tabs on them. If he has children down the road then maybe you could pursue it but for now I would say leave her out of something from the past.  Sounds like you might need to get some additional help because you have been carrying around a whole lot of hate and anger and it could lead to family problems.  Good luck to you

Answer 9

If you think you are strong enough to tell people, make sure everyone finds out. That piece of sh*t deserves to pay for what he did. He deserves to be shot.

Answer 10

you didnt give enough detail, how old was your cousin, 11, 12 13????

did he do it once?? NOT that that would be right, i'm trying to see if it was some , i dont know, one time "fluke" of thing that kids do sometimes?

just not enough detail, if this person was an adult and did this, even once, then YES, you dont tell his wife, you tell your mom, your aunt (his mom) and go from there. Get support of your family

Answer 11

You should talk to a counselor specializing in sexual abuse to help you work through this.  You are very angry at this man.  Someone trained in counseling sexually abused women will be able to help you cope with the anger and advise you with the best course of action.  

Answer 12

I say don't say anything that's going to cause more hurt now to his wife. The day will come when he'll feel the hurt, just maybe she's dump him it happens in the best of marriages. What ever goes around comes around.

Answer 13

You need to face your demons but not at the expense of the innocent. Find away to meet with your cousin and remind him of what he had done to you. Let him know how it has hurt you and let him know that you are strong, and will be watching out for him to slip up especially if he has children.

He may just come out with his apology that has been hiding deep inside but too scared and embarrassed to approach you about. Considering it has been 17 years he may feel that you have forgiven him and perhaps may think it was consensual s*x because you have never said anything.

Being that you have not said anything in so long may look suspicious and make you look like a jealous cousin and you may loose more family than you think. Not to mention the tension and strain it would put on the innocent parties of both your and his families.  

Answer 14

sounds like someone said they moved on but havent  

Answer 15

yes because maybe he would abuse his kids, but either way this will make u feel bad probably sorry to say it.  

Answer 16

First, I believe you prayed for the wrong thing. Second, you must forgive him because it sounds like you are trapped in the past.

I know it is hard sometimes to move on, but to find the peace that you are seeking, you will have to let this go or it will continue to consume you for the rest of your life. I suggest that you seek the Lord's face on this matter and truly forgive him, otherwise you will continue to be miserable.

On top of that, you never know, he may have asked for forgiveness.

Answer 17

What are your reaons for wanting to tell his wife?

What do you gain from it?

Would she even believe you?

Either leave well enough alone as the wheel will turn one day or go to the police with your complaint.

Don't break up families just for revenge.  He will be the least hurt of everyone.  

Its not worth it.

Answer 18

She wouldn't believe you. She would question why it took you so long to tell not understanding that you were afraid and didn't understand what was happening at that time. Now that you're older, you realized your cousin did something terrible. Your nasty cousin is miserable. Get some counseling and try not to let that bum hurt your future he already hurt your past. No matter what you do it will not change the past. Sorry about what your cousin did to you.

Answer 19

Do not tell his wife. You could be charged with

"breaking up a marriage."And may hurt your own.

If his wife is such a sweetie, he may lose her

to someone more deserving. <}:-})

Answer 20

Angel my cousins was dating this guy she likes and they were going out for a really long time. She got close with his family and he did her's as well. One evening she was over at his parents house and she was playing with his little sister barbies or something. The little sister came out and told her that he made her do things to him and they have had s*x. My cousin was so freaked out she could not get out of that house fast enough. She showed up at the bar I was at freaking out.

She went and told his mom what his sister said and she didn't believe it. My cousins knew it was true by what his sister said "something you would only know if you were having s*x" kind of thing.

So yes I would for sure tell his wife but she might think your full of it as well. If she does well that's on her can't say she wasn't warned.

Answer 21

Someone I know went through same. She was sexually abused. She thought she moved on , but now she is bitter because the abuser is happily married and having a blast while she got screwed up and has screwed her life cause she didnot marry till late and then married the wrong guy and ended up divorced.

Good things happen to bad people. She is so bitter with life and envious of the life the abuser is living. She has asked god for justice but she thinks there is no justice in this lifetime. His wife yaps about the lovely husband and life they have not knowing his past.

You will hurt yourself cause the wife will not believe you. There is no justice in life. Accept it!!!

Answer 22

Well he probably changed he used to be young back then.

Thats a really sad story,yeah sure tell the wife if youd like.

i dont know what to tell you