My current husband is step-dad to my daughter and he thinks she is overbook with activities and it is crazy.?

Question

My daughter is a senior involved in Future Business Leaders of America, National Honors Society, and has two part time jobs. She volunteered to run a concession stand at the High School Thursday night (she has to have so many hours for FBLA). She has a b-day party Friday night, has to work Saturday and has to help her birthfather on Sunday get some of her stuff out of his attic (she now lives with me). My current husband wants to have a meeting with him, me, her, and her birthfather about this. I think it's crazy but he thinks her dad will agree that she is too overbooked. She gets straight A's wants to be a vet, but he doesn't think she does enough chores about the house. I just created a chore list so she has something she has to do each day but he still thinks we need to meet with her dad. What does everyone think?? I have 2 girls from my 1st marriage and he has 3 from his first marriage and he is so much tougher on the daughter than anyone else.

Answer 1

the step dad is crazy

Answer 2

What does he expect her to do around the house? Does he feel left out of your relationship with her?  She probably won't be around for much longer so enjoy her while she's there.  She should help with some chores but if she's achieving her grades and still able to do everything - why not. Some people are blessed with endless energy!  It seems you and stepdad need to get to the bottom of exactly what his issues are.  Why does her Dad need to get in the middle of it?  Does he agree with Stepdad?

Answer 3

Your daughter is a senior in high school.  She's making straight A's.  Her extra curricular activities are outstanding.  You haven't mentioned that you think she is not doing enough around the house.  Only your new husband feels this way.  Your daughter is leaving for college after this year.  She sounds like a model student and teenager.  Do you really want to mess with a good thing.  If her grades were slipping because of other activities then maybe you would have a problem, but that doesn't seem to be the case.  I'd just let things be.  If things change and you and the biological father see a need for a discussion that will be different.  I think if you let your new husband do this it could alienate your daughter during her senior year.

Answer 4

I think it's great you have a husband who is showing such concern for your children.  However, as long as your daughter's grades, emotions and overall well being are not suffering, I don't think you should slow her down.

The best thing you can do is sit alone with him tonight.  Just the two of you.  I would wrap my arms around him and thank him for being as caring, loving and wonderful as he is.  You are so happy to know you picked such a man who will put his concerns front and center when he thinks that his step-daughter is putting too much on her plate.  After thanking him, let him know that you have been thinking about the situation and you feel that the girl is showing wonderful behavior and drive wanting to focus on things that will only further her career.  To come to an impasse with him, I would suggest you offering that the two of you speak with your daughter alone, telling her you are both concerned about her work load for her age and would like for her to cut back on one activity or job.  

She may not want to do this, but let her know that you would like her to slow down a bit and enjoy what is left of her teen years.  If she chooses to lose a job, offer to pay her what she was making as long as her grades and attitude don't suffer.  

If she does not do this, then I would suggest meeting with Bio-Dad letting him know of your concerns.  

But before doing any of this, remind your husband that he is and always will be the love of your life for caring so much.  Good luck!

Answer 5

I think that he needs to back off.

She sounds like a great child, who will do

very well in life.

She should not have to do more than she already has planned.

I think that she should give up one of her

part-time jobs and have some time to spend

with friends.

She will be leaving for college soon, and he

needs to give a little bit of freedom.

Best wishes

Answer 6

Well, first of all, in my experiences and all of that i've heard of, it is the worst thing to get step parents involved in the step child's discipline. I would say that your the mother, and you know what is best for your child. Go with your gut.

Answer 7

I think that since your daughter is a SENIOR she's mature enough to decide if she's "overbooked."  If it's not affecting her grades and she's enjoying herself, let her be.  Don't let your new husband get in the middle of your relationship with your daughter.

Answer 8

Your daughter is almost an adult now so it is her decision on what activities she does.  It is better for her to be active than to be lazy.  All the activities she is doing is preparing her to be a strong person and as long as she is comfortable with her work load, I'd let her do it.  If her step-father tries to control her by telling her it's too much, she might resent him.

Answer 9

First of all, it's her senior year and it is a busy one especially now in this day and age.  I never remember being so busy except for the fact I was a caretaker of my mother who had suffered a stroke.  Maybe that's why I didn't know what the rest of my class was engaging in.

However, it is time for her to learn to balance.  She should not be omitted from chores because if she is she will never learn how to balance and household and a career.  Also, since your new husband is a parent also to your daughter, I feel that he is being respectful by inviting her father into the meeting.  My bf is never included in family discussions unless he takes the initiative to intervene and then after doing so there's the competition mode.  I think that that is very responsible and thoughtful of him.  Also shows that he is concerned about your daughter's wellbeing also but need a little backup as a step parent.  The only time when it's wrong is when your daughter is being withheld from doing good, constructive things.  Along with learning how to balance appropriately, your daughter should also learn to have rest breaks in order to be successful.  Then on the other hand, it depends on what type of person he is.  Sometimes even parents can be a wee jealous of accomplishments (not saying this is the case).  

She is also young and might can handle it.  Some people are more multifaceted than others.  If this is one of her fortunate qualities, let her learn what is best for her; what she can do and can't.

Experience is the best teacher.

Answer 10

As long as her grades are up and she wants to do all that stuff...let her.