Question:

My dad's 3rd wife is causing problems.... (kinda long, but please bare with me)?

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With my dad's 2nd wife and girlfriends, I have dealt with quite a bit of drama. My dad is one of those men who can't survive without a woman in his life. My dad and I agreed to get an apartment together and split the bills/cleaning responsibilities, so he wouldn't have to invest in real estate again before he moves out of the country next year. Now, his 29 year old wife (I'm 24) from Vietnam comes to the United States, marries my dad. All she does is sit around and do nothing. Seeing how my dad and I work, I think she should take on the majority of the cleaning responsiblities since she's living for free. So I decided to boycott and stop cleaning the "common" areas. Now my dad is getting on to me for not doing my part. I work 60 hours a week, he works 40 hours a week, she works 0 hours a week... how fair is that?

She also dresses very risque, and when I go out and about with them it's embarrassing. She will do things like go grocery shopping with us, and then not help take in the groceries, she just walks inside and sits down. My dad continues to make excuses for her, like "it's a cultural differences." I personally don't see where being rude, trampy, and lazy has anything to do with her culture. I'm never rude to her, I just don't go the extra mile to reach out to her and be close to her, and this infuriates my dad. He told me, and I quote... "you need to reach out to my wife and be her friend" Basically now, my dad has went from being one of my closest people in my life, to us barely speaking at all.

Oh and she logged onto my computer at work with out me there, and managed to download a virus, and completely s***w up my hard drive... and I never got an apology from her or my father.

Tell me if I'm over reacting here, or if you have had a similar experience.

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7 ANSWERS


  1. She was a mail-order bride, right? Your poor dad, how desperate! It's not a cultural thing - Vietnamese people are courteous and helpful. This woman has no respect for either you or your father, and they will only remain married for as long as it takes for her to be able to get divorced and stay in the country. Stick to your guns.  


  2. Well, your father has blinders on. You're right, it's not cultural, she is just rude. If you don't want to take care of them, then move to your own place, or ask your father to move. Since it sounds like this was more about convenience than financial, your arrangement is no longer convenient for you and should end.

  3. No, your not overreacting. Think of this...do you really think...stepmommie...is going to clean up, cook and get along with one who is only five years younger than her? This is all about power with her to you. As far as your father, I bet this is a trip to him having someone that is younger than him wanting to be with him. For your dad, I bet this is a macho marriage. I feel for you, but I myself would be nice to her and still do what you do and remember this is for your dad. One day....stepmommie...will go her way. Patience will be your best virtue I think. Now, if she is illegally here or can't get a green card back somehow, she may latch onto your dad forever. Get along with your dad and hope she is a ...phase...  

    Remember this phrase:

    Stay close to your friends....and....stay closer to your ENEMIES

  4. I would talk to both of them and especially let her know that she needs either get a job or do some house work.  At this point I would care less who gets mad and honestly if THEY don't like it THEY can get out.  He should no have his wife living with you anyway.  He should have invested in some real estate before marrying her and moving her in on you.

  5. if your dad is leaving in a month I would suggest to him that he could go stay at one of those extended stay hotels that it just isn't working out with him and his wife

  6. Your dad got issue's and sounds to me he's desperate to keep this mail order bride.Which to me it not going to last.So grin and bare it they would be gone in awhile.I see this all the time,these middle age men,sending off for these mail order brides.There dirt poor in their country and when she get here she all that.She going to get all what she can get from father dearest and poof she's gone.Her attitudes shows it.

  7. thjis is obv an unfair situation. and no, u r not over reacting. i would say, possibly try talking to him about it, or write him a letter stating your feelings toward your living situation. even try speaking to her. if you do not succed, te best thing to do is to just wait it out since he'll be leving next spring and try to keep the communication channels open and try to get along. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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