My dad and i dont have a good relationship please help this is serious buisness [FYI IM A MALE]?

Question

being rasied by african parents and growing up in AMerica they are really big on respect. Im a young teen who is very liberal and views everything on balance if you treat me one way ill treat you back just as bad, but dont get me wrong i know my limits. SO yeah, i dont know if it is out of anger because my dad has some abusesive problems like he used to hit me when i was young to teach me right from wrong ; now all he does is say one day im going to hit you so hard untill you get it stuck in ur brain or "im going to kill you" or im going to smack your head against the wall and ull see blood". This stuff really disturbs me when he says that to me thats one reason why i dont have respect for him in return. WE arent tht close either. I think if it wasnt for my mom i wouldve been dead like when we got into a big arguement and then he was about to hit me then he grabbed my arms & twisted it behind my back and was about to bang my head agaisnt the table but if it wasnt for my mom

Answer 1

Your dad probably knows you don't respect him and is despeartely trying to gain control of the situation.  In my opinion, the best way to handle this is to peacefully tell him the truth.  Say things like:

"You're showing your weakness."

"You'd actually threaten to kill your own son because you're angry?  That's weak."

"This is why I don't respect you."

"I am younger, but already I know I'd be a stronger man and father than you."

"I would never treat my son as you treat me."

"A strong man wouldn't say such things."

"My son will never hear such words from me."

Just tell him the truth!  It will make him angrier at first, but he'll think about it as long as you ALWAYS say something like this each time he threatens you.  Don't let him get by with it one time.  If he does abuse you, call the law on him.

Answer 2

Just punch him in the face!

Answer 3

you grow up here you have American culture and influence but your parents no they had it rough in the first place they probably came here for you so you could have better life the reason that I'm saying this to you cause i had similar experience but i know it not easy for you try to talk to him ask him what you doing wrong if it doesn't help if you're old enough live the house live on your own

Answer 4

Ummm... yea you should call child services. Or at least call the cops the next time you feel threatened.

Answer 5

That sounds really sad for you.  The only thing I can tell you is that if your dad is really set in his ways, the best thing you can do is tiptoe around him until you go to college and get out from under him.

The greatest likelihood is that he does love you, but he has learned that this is the way to raise/treat a son.  I don't know where he is from in Africa since you didn't say; I know more about African American dads.  What I know is that sometimes they are trying to over-discipline their sons because they are so afraid of what could happen to them out there as young black men in America.

The very best thing you can do is to swear to yourself that you will break this chain of anger/abuse by being the kindest, gentlest dad to your own kids someday.  You might need counseling before becoming a dad, though, because the old ways of the abusive parent can creep in when you least expect it.

Good luck, and try to keep your head up.  You will soon be independent, and your father will not be able to do this to you.  Surprisingly, you will probably find that he is suddenly a lot kinder when you are older.  Then you will have to deal with him choosing to be nice after being a jerk for so long.