My dad is a b*****d, what can I do?

Question

Ok so I have a brother who is 3 yrs older than me and before I was born him my mum and my dad were a happy little family. When I was born, my dad walked out and I now feel guilty that my brother didnt have his dad when growing up and think it is because of me being born that this happened.

On average he will now come and visit for about 2hrs every 6wks-ish. I built up a hate for him and a wall around my heart because I dont want him to hurt me anymore, whenever I've tried to get on with him and made an effort to have a relationship with him he's hurt me, let me down, upset me purposely and now I dont want to try anymore because how much he has hurt me in the past.

I know deep down that I would LOVE to have a dad, a proper dad, who would have been there for me and would be there for me now but I know I cant have that. I'd like to think he cares about me but I really honestly don't think he does, I think he'd rather I had never been born and sometimes I think maybe it would have been for the best for the rest of my family.

I also cant help but wish that he was dead and completely out of my life for good or that he would walk out and I would never have to see him again.

I know there isnt much of a qu here but I'd just like to know what you think?

Should I feel guilty about my brother? Should I try and give him any more chances? How can I give him more chances? Does he deserve them?

Answer 1

Honey, you are not responsible for your dad leaving. Children tend to blame themselves when parents break up so your feelings are completely normal. Please, stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over. There were probably problems before you came along and they just came to a head after your birth. But, you had NOTHING to do with this. I hope you can find a way to work on your relationship with your dad. Prehaps you should take to him about how you feel. He might not even know. Maybe you could talk to your mom as well. I truly hope the best for you. Good luck.

Answer 2

You can't really do anything. Don't feel guilty. YOU haven't done anything wrong.

Maybe, you should step back for a while and see how you feel in a couple of weeks or months.

Answer 3

just  tell    them

Answer 4

All of the negative feelings you have about your dad will fester and you will end up creating a very bad life for yourself in the future. You need to drop that chip on your shoulder or be miserable for the rest of your life. Its up to you. Its good that you can vent a little here but you have a much larger problem between your two ears than can be solved with texting strangers...You should try writing down these feelings and send them to the one person that matters the most...ie. your dad. Until you do that, you will be stuck in the circle and will not be able to get out. Take Care

Answer 5

well me i give people a second chance but u have given him so many chances i dont know if u should.  but give him at least one more chance and explain 2 him how u feel. And in ur question u asked me if u should feel guilty my answer is no u shouldnt because he chose to leave im not sayin this to be rude but what kind of father leaves his wife and children.

Answer 6

Life happens, naw meen? Its not your fault he got his panties in a wad and left. He aint worth your time or effort because he did leave. IF he has sincerely made an effort to change, then maybe give him the time of day. But just cause he made you doesnt entitle him to your love or affection. As for your brother growing up without a dad, h**l so did you. Your both in the same boat. So my advice is f that loser and move on.