My dad is an alcoholic who has not been in my life for 10 yrs. what should i do?

Question

this is long, but please help...

here's the scoop...my dad has been involved in drugs for since i can remember. we lived in NC till i was 9. and it was real bad down there. he would pick us up from the bus and we would go in the city and witness him selling drugs(me and my bro being in the back seat). he would then tell me to never tell my mom where we went. but when she came home every day, i would tell her. my mom took me and my brother to a battered womens shelter(he never hit any of us, it was just to get away cuz she didnt no where else to go),but we ended up going back...my dad is also bipolar. so idk if that had anything to do with him getting into drugs. well i bet it did, b/c they stopped giving him shock treatment bc his insurance messed up. so that might be a factor, but its not an excuse to have stayed in it and pawned alot of our stuff for drug money. we had to go to the jail and bail him out repeatedly. one night he was up smoking around xmas, our tree caught on fire "from the lights on the tree" i think it was from him in someway and for some reason. he got us all up and we were safe, but then we moved out of state, where all our family was. my parents got divorced, and i havent spoke to him since. this all happened in 1998ish. after he ran his car thru my aunts house at the wee hours of the morning.

long story kinda short, i dont no what to do. he still lives like 5-10 min away from me, and im 19 now. all of my friends say i need to forgive him, even tho rumor has it (from some of his family members) that he is still hanging out with the wrong people and not on the right foot yet. so i say i cant ever forgive him. i hate him. but, i do thank him for showing me how to never end up. i dont no if i should try to contact him at all? cuz my friends are saying i will regret it when he dies or if something bad happens to him...i think i wont, but idk what to do. i no i should have seen a shrink for this back then, but i just kept it all bottled up inside and made it look like it doesnt affect me to not have a father...

please help. i no that was a long schpeel to listen to but i appreciate any advice...email me if u have further questions. there is alot more to the story but i dont feel like putting it all out here...

Answer 1

You cannot listen to what your friends say they come and go. Your father will always be your father whether you love him or agree with him. Sounds to me like he may have issues with his bipolar disorder or something its a rough situation. You should never live your life wondering "what if" in my opinion. The only advice i can give is to Do what you feel. Don't do something to satisfy anyone but yourself. You are you and he is him. Maybe you should test it out see what he is up to just to know. Maybe you shouldn't. Who am I to tell you what you should or shouldn't do. Just know that you should always prepare for the worst and expect the best. Life is full of disappointments what is one more going to do to you? You have been through many thus far.

Answer 2

You are not alone. There are many kids with the same conflict.  I don't have any real quick solution for you.  May I suggest talking to an  Al-anon group.  Talk to a Pastor and pray.  I wish you well and hope you get these issues resolved before you carry them too far into your adult life.  There is a good life out there for you.  Follow GOD and your heart.

Answer 3

HI.....

i m appreciating  your courage and level to understands the things in little much age,look when things are not moving according to you then let play them their own and wait for good time every thing will be ok, you can only do the thing that you are able to do ,don't force your self to do right the things aggressively .see your father is not bothered about all of you and he thought that he doesn't have any responsibility towards yours . . .so move according to the things and you have to realize all the mistakes to your father before for give him and be faithful to god BC after every dark night their is sun rise so keep always happy and best of luck for your future  

Answer 4

You have to do what you feel is best for you. You are not obligated in any way to see him no matter what your friends say. I think you might be curious about him though. If you are, you should see him, meet him in a public place, but don't give him any contact info. like where you live, work, go to school etc. that way, if you don't want to maintain a relationship with him, he can't bother you, and go from there.  

Answer 5

You have a right to be angry, and you have a right to hate his guts. And I don't think it would hurt to go to a shrink now. He caused you trauma that may affect the rest of your life. But you need to try and get him help, and away from drugs. Only then can you truly forgive him, which should happen. And moving farther away wouldn't hurt. I'm sorry...  

Answer 6

I strongly suggest you see a therapist--someone you really trust--to help you with this issue.  It is not too late.  In fact you may not have been able to do much with this in therapy when you were a child, so this may be the perfect time to seek professional help.

That said, there is truly no absolute right or wrong answer to this, only a right answer for YOU.  I have an extremely sick family, different from yours but still very toxic, and I do have contact with them because I want to and have learned how to protect myself.  Others choose not to have contact because it is too painful or damaging.  I've learned never to judge someone else's situation!

This is not a decision to be made out of guilt or senseless hope.  Nor should you do anything based on the opinion of your friends; well meaning though they may be, this is your life, not theirs.

Answer 7

Alcoholics and drug addicts do not see the pain they cause in everyone around them.  I saw My mother put up with my dad and his alcoholism. to finally give up and divorce him.

    I am sitting here more than 30 years after his passing away. I still have a void where a dad could have been.  I turned out ok. :)

   You will never stop loving him  but you may need to let him go. but remember he is your Dad , no matter what path he took.