My dad is an ***..what should I do?

Question

Okay so i love my dad to death and everything but whenever he drinks he gets really mean to me. I'm about to move away for college and hes like stressing about everything & hes not even really paying for anything. Hes offering to give me money if I need it but hes pressuring me to get a job and everything so he doesnt have to pay (which i am) i have 2 interviews the day i get up there. Also, i took out loans to pay for my college in my own name. Today when we went out to eat, he had a few beers and he was getting grouchy and asked me when i move in and if i still wanted him to help me. He had already told me that he would help me in the past and he knew what day i moved in. So i reminded him and told him it was next week and he blew up at me saying that i could have let him know in advance and "he has a life too" and "its not all about me" so i got really upset. he is so mean to me sometimes and i just dont get it.

Hes done alot for me money wise throughout my life but hes never really been a "real" dad to me. ive grown up living with my mom and seeing him occasionally. I was a mistake when i was born ( they werent even married or dating) and he accused her of getting pregnant on purpose. I have grudges towards him for all the mean things he said to my mom and he doesnt even know that I know that he didnt even see me till i was 1 years old bc he made my mom take a dna test to prove i was his! I just dont know what to do...i feel like i just wanna blow up at him but then i dont want to lose him either. Also, i have major surgery ive been planning on getting for 5 years which he was supposedly going to pay for..and he hasnt even checked into it yet. I am scared if i quit talking to him that he wont pay and i wont be able to talk to any of my family on his side anymore...what should i do??

Answer 1

First off... you are trying to communicate with him. But hes get extremely mad when you communicate with him. So first off, make him stop taking pills, drugs, and stop the drinking. When he drinks, it may relieve him of stress for awhile, but it will brings tons of stress later on in the future. So make him stop drinking or doing any drugs.

To make him stop drinking, just tell him to take it easy and be a little ''cruel'' to him by cutting his drinking habit in half.

After that, he should be better. But since your moving to college, and he doesn't really want to pay for your college fee, but willing to pay for you if you can't. (That a start, at least hes willing to pay if you can't handle it) But he recommend that you get a job.

Most college students already have a job and a loan, so do not fear, your not the only one. Tons of people does it.

Once you have move out of the house, just continue to study and do well in school. Prove to him that your not worthless or useless to him. Your going to make a great future of yourself and a great job that can earn a lot of money. Then he will start thinking your not worthless at all. During your college time, you should call him once every while, hear him out, even if it rude problem, but talk it out slowly. Then meet with your dad once every month or two.

Your problem is really complicated, I also have the same friend that has the same problem. But, years later, he graduate, got a good job, then got himself a family, his dad begins to say that he has a proud son. So yah, it takes a while. People change as time change. So give it some time. Don't worry, no matter how long it takes, you and your father relationship will sky rocket in the future. Although it may take some times, it will work out later on in the future.

Just communicate him.

Talk to him, explain your feelings to.