My dad is having s*x with a 16 year old!!!

Question

my father has been seeing my ex best friend - she is 16 and he is 57, he also has 9 kids off difdifferentrlfriends, my mum died 2 years ago and left her 7 kids behind, the youngest is 10 and he is a diabetic, he is neglecting all my brothers, if his "girlfriend" is in a mood then so is he and he hits my younger brothers because of it - iv told lots of people like adults and nobody isl listening i don't know what to do because i don't want my brothers to go into care so don't really wanna tell anyone but i don't know what to do - the are having s*x to because he admitted it and we found condoms in his room. they both have addadmittedey love each other and the boys are suffering because of it..

my dad says he will kill himself if he loses her - infin front my younger brothers. im I'm just scared please somebody help! i have nobody.

Answer 1

This sounds like a bad situation - and not really because of the 16 year old girlfriend. In some parts of the world - like the UK where I live - it's not illegal to have s*x with a 16 year old. Just stupid ;-) However, I'm sure that the whole relationship is unpleasant for you to witness, especially since she used to be your friend.

But I wouldn't focus so much on the girlfriend as on the fact that there's 7 kids with no mother and a father who doesn't seem to be coping too well at all - in fact he seems to be trying to run away and hide. I'd reccommend that you try to find some kind of support for yourself - if you're at school there'll be some kind of counselling service available. You don't need to talk about the girlfriend if you don't want to put your brothers at risk, but you do need to talk about the fact that your family isn't coping well with the aftermath of your mother's death. If you talk about it in those terms, your family may start to get the help that you need, without risking unwanted interventions.

Besides looking for support for yourself, I'd suggest you get together with your brothers and start working as a team. If you think the younger ones aren't being cared for properly then maybe you older ones could start taking up the slack and doing the stuff your dad is leaving undone? If the children start working well together it may be easier for you all to find ways of communicating to your dad that you miss having his attention and need him more than ever now your mum is gone.

This is a tough situation for everyone, and it sounds like none of you have had a chance to grieve properly. And that includes your dad. Since you can see the problem - and it sounds like at the moment he can't - it's up to you to find gentle ways of getting your family working together again. Family grief counselling would be great if you can find any way of getting some. But even if you can't get professional help, simply talking to each other and trying to help each other and being kind can go a long way.

Good luck!

PS There are free support groups and services for grieving children - you can search for those in your State at:  http://www.nationalallianceforgrievingch...