My dad is in the army..?

Question

sometimes when he comes back from places he is really mean to me..He doesn;t want to talk to me..It makes me really sad...Why does that happen? When he was in iraq i wrote him a lot, but he didn't write me back. Why does he get so mean and angry?

Answer 1

Unlike most of the people who answered your question I'm sorry to say that his symptoms will last a lifetime but hopefully will mellow with age. He has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and it is not a thing to be taken lightly and he should seek help from the Army. I was in combat for three years in Viet-Nam, firefights in Africa, Central, and South America and that was almost 40 years ago. It still is very prevalent and is with me 24/7. Like your Dad, I treated my kids like he treats you and also my wife. What friends I had are just that...HAD. I've been divorced once and am still estranged from my daughters because of the way I was/am. I have had three separate jail terms( one was 90 days in solitary confinement because I am/was considered to dangerous to be let out with the rest of the prisoners and beating up four cops and one ---hole didn't help mt case any.) My father, a WW2 veteran, used to dream about some of his experiences in the Pacific right up until the day he died. Ghosts from ones past sometimes appear unexpectedly. What brings them on are called "triggers". It could be a hot day, heavily forested areas, the sound of a helicopter's rotor blades, loud noises, hunting season, a view of someplace here in the US that reminds one of a place far away far ago, seeing a person that comes from the race of people that one has had combat with, the roar of a jet engine, Memorial day, the 4th of July ( I hate that day and the day before, my oldest daughters birthday because of firecrackers) Veterans day, a cemetery, all kinds of things. You become hyper-alert for danger. You don't like a lot of people around you, you sit in restaurants/bars with your back to a wall so you can see everything and everyone, you think twice before lighting a cigarette in the dark, your eyes are always moving scanning for a threat, you walk quietly without realizing it, and other things that people who haven't experienced what you have will never understand. You're labeled. Crazy, mean, unemployable, and sometimes you wind up doing a jail term because you don't do well with confrontations from anyone to include the ones you love. Trust? You very seldom trust ANYONE and judge people by those you have shared the bad times with and very few that I have ever met measure up. You seek your own kind. Other veterans who have seen and done what you were required to do and have been where you were in combat. (By the way, for your info there are a lot of us crazy's out there) You finally come to realize ( Only God knows when) that your life will never be normal again nor will you. You cope the best way you know how and that leads to the stress factor because you really don't understand all of the whys. Some combat veterans give up, turn into alcoholics. turn to drug use, or some lonely day put a gun to your head and pull the trigger. You suffer to much from "survivors guilt". The "Why him and not me?" question that will remain with you until the day you die. Sometimes you seek violence or put yourself in dangerous situations just to try and get back where you once were.... like you're seeking a return to past events to try and find out why you are the way you are. Your authority, requests, orders, ( i Had, " ' get me this", or "do that" to you should not be questioned because you were so used to having people obey you that very second and it saved lives. Hon, my heart goes out to you as well as to other children, wives, friends, etc for what you are going through and again, your dad needs help and should seek it. It took my present wife, some concerned Viet-Nam vets, and a three year old son to get me to go and seek help because I DID NOT see what I had become. It's not your dads fault for being the way he is or acting the way he does with you. The whole time that I was really bad I never stopped loving my girls, my son, my wife, or my friends and would die for them in a heartbeat if it came to that....still will. If you think it might help, show your dad this but be careful on how you approach him on this because believe me....HE DOESN'T REALIZE HE IS ACTING THIS WAY!!!!  I put enough people through h**l in my time and thank God I found a PTSD group at the VA hospital. The military sees, or use to see, PTSD as a sign of weakness but are now realizing that it is a very serious real disorder. You, if you decide to do what I suggested, can tell your dad to contact me to talk about things that only we can relate to each other. I wish you and your father the very best and girl, YOU WILL BE in my prayers and thoughts.

Answer 2

tell him to take a chill pill half the people that come back like that is not because they watched someones head get blown off...its jus from a build up of stress over a years time...it usually takes a couple months to go away...can't say what messed up stuff he might of saw...and it's not something he's just gonna talk about to you...he may wanna seek counseling and checked out for PTSD...hope he's not the bull headed type about seeking help...good luck to you  

Answer 3

He is suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or Shell Shock) It is usually a temporary thing these days. He'll be back to normal eventually.

Answer 4

I would suggest he has some monkeys on his back that defy description! However, I do not comprehend the reason he wants to alienate his own kin! So ask him why he's like this, he may not even be aware that he is doing it! Have a great day!

Answer 5

He has probably seen things that no man or woman would ever dream of seeing. He's probably seen his friends die in battle. Don't blame yourself, its the effect of combat. When he is finished with his tours of duty he should be ok.

Answer 6

G'day Tami,

It affects everyone differently. With no idea on your age i can give you some broad advice. There is counselling available for the veteran and family also. As a long time PTSD sufferer myself i can say it has not been easy for my family over the years. I will never be the same person i once was, but it does not mean i do not love them any less. I am alive today because of my 6yo son at the time. He knows about that time of my life & we have a special bond, but i am still different to who i once was.

Upon my return from overseas i had problems but was not diagnosed until three years later & the following six years was h**l.

Until your dad accepts he has a problem & seeks help there is nothing anyone else can really do.  Love him the best you can!

All the best