My dad is not happy with my appearance. I don't want to make him mad, but I don't want to change.

Question

Obviously, my dad is strict. I listen to Grindcore/Metal, and he isn't too happy about that either. But it's mainly about how I dress. I wear the band tees.. skinny jeans.. vans.. converse.. I do not wear thick make up, and I do not have black hair. I'm planning on starting a band soon, and and he's not supporting me. I don't understand why it bothers him so much.. I'm just being a kid ...

Answer 1

I think that you should tell him exactly what you just typed, "I'm just being a kid" explain to him that you like dressing like that. Have a talk with him and heartfully tell that you wish that you could appreciate you, and that you're just being a kid and you want him to accept that. Tell him you're sorry but it's just the way you are, he's your dad so he should eventually understand. ask him why he doesn't like it? tell him and make it very clear  Anyways good luck!

Answer 2

Obviously your father was never a teenager...  It's remarkable how many people manage to make it to their 40's and skip the whole youth thing...LOL!  Your dad needs a major wake up call... Go dig through old photos of him in his rebellious teen years... Take these and explain to him that his long "hippie" hair was much crazier than anything that you're doing.  That and let him know that the chances of getting dateraped as a popular cheerleader by a testosterone pumped jock are much greater than a metal girl by an arty grindcore boy...good luck!!

Answer 3

well i don't why some parents do that. i mean they are supposed to love u and accept things because there ur parents. I imagine you don't say anything about what he wears and tell him u don't like it u should change. i say stay the way u are thats what u like dont let someone change u into something that ur not

Answer 4

It is because he would like you to be modest.  In that I can tell you he is right. Guys unfortunately look at you as an object, and I think with your brains you would rather be looked at for your character rather than your a**.

As for the band, talk to your dad about it. He may have some valid reasons why he doesn't like the idea. Or you may help him to see that his fears aren't really founded in anything. Let your outstanding character be what works this out.  

Answer 5

yes, but it's stereotypical. I mean, if you really like all those things, go ahead. but he might think you're not really into it - you're just into it for the friends/type of appearance it gives you. maybe you should tell him that that's who you are, and it won't change. or, try and be yourself. you don't need to put on a metaphorical "show" for people, and your dad might be frightened of that.  

Answer 6

Please know that what i am about to say is meant in a 'loving sense' , ok? and know that i say these things for your thoughts only:

....sounds like you readily buy into 'Pop-cultural icon-isms'

...and, your Dad? in his lfe experience may understand how media, advertising and marketing in America spends hundreds-of-millions dollars to 'better understand' our society and what will motivate someone to make purchases

.....also, so often, depression is rampaging through groups of young people who seek to express themselves, in enigmatic manners....and the bigest question in that is 'what postive purpose will that experience play in your life?'

...your Dad? really does want your life to include as many postive influences as possible

....he only ever wanted your life to be nice

....as for your relationship with him? that is a two-way street and requires patience with each other from both of you

....by the way, who purchases your clothes?

....who provides the money for your CDs?

....where do you live?

....many of your Dad's conservative ideas, or ways of living are ones he has learned over time, and he has experienced many depressing negative experinces that he would very much hope you will try to avoid, with his help.

Answer 7

You need to continue to show your dad that the music you listen to does not mean your going to change into someone "bad"  The type of music you listen to is a little scary for a parent that may not be in tune with what kids are listening to today.  In order to help your dad out I think you will need to 'try' to double up on things that mean a lot to him.  Use good manners, be polite and kind to others,sit down and have more small conversations with him.  Show him that the core values he tried to instill in you are still going strong.  Good Luck! :)

Answer 8

i am sorta in the same issue....see my fav color is black....so i were it i mean i dont were it like black pants black shirt,black hair ect......its more like jeans wit shirt.....but i wust have some type of black to b comfy. to feel like me. Thats wat your doing trying to be you, but rents dont always excpet that...All we young ppl do is try to b our slef...but were always told no......u want to start a band his way of dissagreeing is by not supporting u...( like when i asked to get a snake bites) They all ways think we do things to FIT IN....which is sooooo not true. SO see thats wat goes through there head...we do things the way we do is bc we want to fit in...or be like someone else....

I hope that helps u in some way.

Good Luck =)

*RawR*

Answer 9

I feel so bad for you! I know how you feel! My mom is kinda like that. But not with my appearance she buys me what ever I want but when I bring home a guy that's when the trouble starts.

You should have a talk with him tell him that everyone has their own style and this is my style and the style I choose. And if he is not happy with that you can try to find a way to convince him it's just a style to express yourself everyone has their own style. I bet he even has his own style and that style represents him in his own way. So just talk to him. That's my advice communication.

Answer 10

Ask him what it is that upsets him about how you appear, it may turn out that you are just growing up and he doesn't know how to deal with it.  If it is that, Make him feel better by taking him out on a daddy daughter date go someplace you loved going with him as a kid and show him you can still be the little girl he remembers.  If it is just your appearance (ie short skirts and tight jeans) then just dress less revealing in front of him.  He does not want to see what you have and is just wanting to see you and not all of you.

Answer 11

yeah i know what u mean.

my dad is the same way : (

yeah i usually wear ALOT of eyeliner

an he always says something every time

and eventually makes me take it off or most of it.

it gets so annoying.

well my mom is not strict..not really

she lets me wear just 'bout anything!!

so thats good.

and yeah i get the whole skinny jeans, converse thing.

and eyeliner is essential!!

haha

lol

i just try talking to my dad

and tell him how i'm just being myself and how that really shouldn't matter to him.

but yeah hes my dad.

he still listens to the Beatles

not that theres anything wrong with that.

thats not really my kind of music

screamo!!!! thats my favorite!!!!

so typical.

haha

lol

Answer 12

lol wow, listen your dad knows what best for you and i suggest you listen to him, he's probably wiser than you and maybe hes doesn't want you to start a band because he has a bad feeling about what's going to happen, sometimes change is a good thing, you don't have to be like daddy's little girl because obviously we're all going to grow up, but i can tell your a skater type of person, honestly i'm the total opposite of you, and your lucky your dad isn't doing something about your appearance yet, i come from a VERY strict family, i literally can't walk out my house without my dad seeing what im wearing and being ok with it, but luckily me and him have the same taste, so you two just gotta talk and negotiate and figure something out  

Answer 13

Your dad is scared for you and worried about how you may "turn out" as you grow up. Parents become strict and upset when they feel they are losing control of their child's behaviors, I have a 1 year old son and I can already see myself doing that. If he does anything that could potentially harm himself, I get scared and scold him because I want him to be afraid of what he did. You also have to understand that even though your being a kid, your also growing up. Try to expand your horizons a little more, show him that you are still a good girl by volunteering or doing well in school.  

Answer 14

Talk with him one night and maybe that'll help you guys understand each other better. Well parents, I guess don't want their kids all about fashion, music and other things. They just want their kids to do well in school. And I guess your dad is missing the old you when you didn't wear make up and do stuff like that. good luck!  

Answer 15

yeahh that sucks. its the style now, and its good to show people who you are ya know express yourself. you would think he wouldnt care about the clothes your wearing and except YOUR opinions on how you dress yourself...its your body...its you. parents these days...lol i have the same thing w/ my mom. she doenst like it when i go out in public looking crappy, like ripped shirts at the neck ya know. but its a really small town, not formal at all, people really dont give **** and its just how i like to dress sometime not all the time, its cumfy. she thinks its disrespectful but in school our teachers wear ripped jeans lol. i gues its because they were raised in a different time and dont know how to except the changes so they want to raise us like they were raised...like the new changes are bad even though they havnt lived in them. yeah i think your dad should just realax. music is changing...clothing...a lot of things....but that doesnt mean they are bad just because he didnt grow up with them

hope your band works out:) i like the metal rock too

Answer 16

I have the same problem.s***w your dad.You are who you are whether he likes it or not!He can't change you.The most he could do is complain.If you really like that stuff (like I do) then don't change just because he wants you to.But,do try to explain to him that this is who you are and that he needs to accept it.Best of luck.

-Shelby

Answer 17

The main problem you're facing is that your dad is associating your style with drugs/alcohol/s*x. To be honest, that's the association most people will make about metal music. But don't change, just try to convince him that you'll be alright and you won't get involved in any of the negative stuff that comes along with your style.

Answer 18

Your dad is just worry you may end up doing bad things and he doesnt want that. Just tell your dad that your a good person and the way you dress or the music you like doesnt determine who you are on the inside. His dad/mom probably treated him the same way when he was your age.

Answer 19

Most parents are like that... i mean its not like your dressing is causing trouble or disturbing people. what i would do. is. Print out pictures of girls with belly shirts, rele short shorts, stuff like that. dark makeup, and make sure they are your age and sit with him and have a talk. talk about how your just being yourself and it hurts you that he doenst like it, its just saying he doesnt like you.. and it makes you think he doesnt love you and stuff, and show him the pictures of other girls, and say *see dad? i dont dress like them, at least. im dressing appropiote, and i dont see why you dont like it* hope this helps. good luckk.

Answer 20

I understand ,dad knows nothing about the metal gothic age,that is what scares him. he probably sees you in his nightmares drinking blood and biteing the heads off snakes,lol.Every generation goes through this.I was a hippie and caught h**l for it.That is the reason I was never strict on my children about what they wore or how they wore their hair.If the worst thing you do is dye your hair black and wear skinny jeans he should consider himself a lucky dad.But he is your dad so you have to respect him.Try educating him a bit that might put his mind at ease a bit.

Answer 21

well kid, you have to grow up and pay for your own expenses that´s when you actually have you own terms life.

Don´t expect from him to say hey whatever you need, whatever you say, the one that pay the bills is the one that usually rules not otherwise.

Generally, the simple concern of how someone is dress is because it has an impact in people, so, in order for you to look for a job and earn your money that will need good attitude and being at least well dressed not skinny jeans or converse, that would be appropriate for the weekends if you don´t have to work.

Believe me that you´ll understand him more when you start working, because you´ll appreciate more all the help you´re having now that you think he is not supportive, supportive doesn´t mean to say yes whatever you ask.

see beyond only you.

Answer 22

Dont let anyone stop you from achieving your dream. If you want to start a band, it is you and not him. There are parents out there that arent really supportive at all but those kids out there learn how to deal with it. Yes I know how you feel because no one in my family supports me. Im pushing myself through it. Its not how they think about you, its how you think about yourself. Do what you wish and dont stop.

Answer 23

Wow. That's not fair at all. It's not like you're dressing like a s**t or anything. I used to dress like that, and my parents didn't like it either, but they still supported every decision I made. And they didn't ask me to change until I was ready to. You need to tell your dad that. A parent has to support their child no matter what. I'm assuming you're a little too old for him to be telling you what to do. So talk to him.

Answer 24

It seems to me that your father is more concerned with what you're doing than how you're dressing. You probably just started recently changing how you dress, which sometimes parents overreact and think it's because you're doing something they wouldn't approve of. The best advice I can give to you is to spend time with your dad. Like, just a day with you and him. To let him know you're still his little girl that he thinks the world of.

Answer 25

I know EXACTLY what you mean. I wanted a hair that would be considered "scene" and he thought it looked to "punky". I listen to the same music also, my dad doesn't like it either. I'm not thinking of becoming "hardcore" or anything, just being myself, like you said.

I think that our dad's are just worried we might get caught up in this and start drinking or something. Like, in that hardcore, trashy, thing. You should just tell him straight forward, it's my hair, my music, my life. You just wanted to change it up. I always lay every card down on the table with my dad and he now is fine with my decisions. [:

Answer 26

I don't mean to be mean, but if that is your (avatar) picture, you could use some sprucing up. Maybe a new hairdo and braces for your teeth?

But hey, if you like your look, then just go with it. He just wants the best for you. Stay close to him anyway. You only have one dad and you never know when he may not be there.

Answer 27

ya..my parents are the same way..i wear black shirts....skinny jeans....and converse...n i also wear a lot of necklaces n bracelets...n the only make up i wear is black eyeliner...but both of my parents always yell at me for it...i dont see what the problem is...i just think u should stay how u are...it dosent matter what ur dad thinks...the only thing that matters is that u r who u want to be...i want to start a band to but i dont know ne one who actually can play ne instruments...i can play guitar and drums...but that would be really hard to play them at the same time!!...haha...i hope that ur dad figures out that its not what u wear that makes u who u are its ur heart that make you....you!! : )..email me sometime...u seem like an awesome person to get to know...my email [e-mail]!

Answer 28

Because he knows that by following certain types of looks and music, the chances are you might end up acting like those people too.  Drugs, rude behavior, disrespect for society, etc.  As a responsible parent, he does not want to see you do that to yourself.

My parents went through the same thing with me, and once I grew up and we talked about it we all laughed.  Just try not to let yourself fall in to the bad stuff people do and everything will work out just fine.  

Answer 29

you need to have a talk with him find a time when you can both sit down and talk on a mature level leave emotions of of it. tell him what you like to wear and the music you like tell him that you are a kid and are still experimenting and trying to discover what you want and like in life and that it is a stage your going through and you wont be a kid forever and that you would like for him to understand this and be supportive of you and that negativity towards you will only make you rebel and that you want to be open  with him and not hide stuff but when he doesnt like what you do then that only makes you want to rebel and hide stuff from him. then ask him why it bothers him so much. try to have a mature conversation and reasure him you probably wont like this stuff forever but you are xperimenting and finding out what you like and what you dont like. tell him you love him

Answer 30

hes prolly worried your gonna get into a bad crowd, hardocre kids can have bad reps.   also it prolly wasnt very common when he was a kid to wear that and do that stuff, he just wants you to be "normal" according to his idea of it (which is prolly not up to date)  i would just assure him that you are still a good kid even though you wear tight pants.  = )

Answer 31

He wants to make sure the world doesn't judge you by your outward appearance because the world can be harsh on kids that express their individuality.  Maybe you could compromise and wear your choice of clothing for certain days or occasions, and then wear what he deems acceptable for family outings and get togethers. Just ty to agree upon a happy medium.