My dad is sick...and I feel guilty for not caring...should I?

Question

My dad has been a drunk my entire life. He embarrassed me numerous times in front of my friends throughout my entire childhood. I would be up many nights listening to my parents scream at each other because he had come home drunk again. I would always stay at my friends house because I didn't want to be at my house. I can't complain about the financial aspect of my childhood because I pretty much had anything I wanted (only child). But the emotional part was rather difficult. My dad really got bad with the drinking within the past 5 years. I moved out on my own at 19 to get away from it. However, I still have worked at my parents business up until now. I will be getting a new job in a few months. Within the last year my dad was drunk everyday at 9a.m. and refused help saying that he wanted to die. Finally he gave in and went to the doctor. My dad has now been diagnosed with cirrohsis of the liver. He has been given 3 months to 10 years to live. I deep down can't feel sorry for him because of the way he treated me and my mom when we tried to get him help. I feel so guilty because he is my dad. Am I wrong to feel this way?

Answer 1

It sounds like you do care, but you're more angry then sympathetic, which is quite understandable. Your father already deprived you of the father that he should have been, first by his behaviour when he was drinking, and then by drinking so much it will shorten his life. Hopefully one day you will be able to forgive him, but that takes time. It's important to be honest with yourself about how you feel. It would be good for you to get counselling or join a support group.  

Answer 2

Hmm you sound alot like me!

No, you aren't wrong for not feeling bad for him. I can see both sides of this because my mom is an alcoholic, but my dad died 3 years ago. I know you want to be angry at your dad, and you have every right to be angry at him. But when something does happen to your dad, I guarantee you that you will be upset. My mom has been an alcoholic since I was about 9, and some days I absolutely hate her! She has gotten really bad these past few years. So bad that I had to move out and live with my grandparents. She is about to go to jail for 2 years for second offense drunk driving on a revoked license, and as much as I hate it for her, I can't feel bad for her. She did it to herself and I had nothing to do with it. Same with your dad, he is the one who made the decision to drink, so when he dies, it will be all his fault. So, I think you are justified in not feeling bad for him, and not caring... But when something does happen, you will feel so guilty about not talking to him, and not caring. You need to try to talk to him now. If he listens to you thats great, go ahead and keep building a relationship with him. If he doesn't listen, then tear yourself away from him. Don't talk to him, stay away from him. Let him no that you are finished with him, and you want nothing to do with him!

Good Luck!

xoxo Jadee♥

Answer 3

No, you are not wrong, but I think you should spend the next 3 months to 10 years trying to understand your dad and help him! He has done wrong in his past but there must be some reason behind it. Alcoholics and addicts don't exaclty have it easy -- they're usually the most depressed people on earth so if you're hurt think how your father must feel!! He is the man who made you and I don't think you should neglect him altogether. He has a problem and he needs help even if he says he doesn't!!! Good luck xx

Answer 4

You can not let yourself feel this way. I to have dealt with your situation. My dad has been sober now for two years and he is the best person i could ever ask for. He too was a victim to the bottle and everyone around him suffered from his addiction. I went through various emotions and hated him dis-owned him didn't feel sorry for him at one time i even told many i didn't know who my father was. I know your pain but if you can find it in your heart pray to God to help you forgive him so that the time he has left in this world can be a blessing. I hope the best for you and your dad. His addiction is your pain not your dad and you have to be able to realize the alcohol is not your dad. I'm sorry